


Godric´s Hollow

by Ficcionista



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Victorian, Arranged Marriage, Bonding, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hate to Love, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 08:01:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 52,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22132753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ficcionista/pseuds/Ficcionista
Summary: —Oh they haven’t told you?  apparently you are so helpless that I must come to your aid— What? Why would …? — he was confused.—O let me think —Sirius started viciously —. Your mother was disowned, she married a penniless man who I’m sure would want to get his hands on her money and you are a half blood with a bunch of disgusting ambitious relatives, did i leave anything out?...Eileen Prince passed away two weeks later. Severus left right after...Years later Severus´s return will uncover some truths that should have been buried.had he stayed ...So many different lost experiences, he imagined beautiful memories...but just maybe.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Severus Snape
Comments: 72
Kudos: 159





	1. Chapter 1: The return

* * *

* * *

**Chapter 1: The return**

He was laying there on the snow, feeling so alone, why would his mother bring him here? she said their lives would be better, he would have many friends and would have someone to be his forever, he didn't quite understand what that meant but he knew it was something nice, and this wasn´t nice, mother had lied, she took him to a horrible place and away from father.

Severus shook the bad memories and took on the sight before him, not snow but the weather of a warm spring before him. He hardly remembered the town but there was something undeniably familiar about the place, about how everything together made the town, how the people moved, the smell floating in the air, the noise...he noticed how quickly him standing there was gathering attention. In the previous days of the journey here he had revisited his memories of this place, he knew the community was a very closed one even if the population wasn't so small, a new face was something to talk about and he wanted to avoid that as much as possible, who knew and maybe he would be out of their hair before any question arises.

Knowing what was ahead as a stranger in a closed community he braced himself for a long walk, even when he would have preferred to stop to eat something at the local tavern first.

The little house was where it was supposed to and in obvious state of neglect, but it was there, and it was a roof, as far as he could see there wasn’t much damage and he could very well, with a few arrangements, live there.

It would be fine, he told himself.

As an adult he had come to terms with his childhood and understood that what he remembered as horrible times were not. His Mother had been ill long before coming here and would have passed away probably sooner had she stayed with father... he didn't know that back then.

He sighed and made his way towards the door, he could make this work.

* * *

James entered the place in the same manner he entered everywhere, invading, leaving his things all along the way and occupying as much space as possible. Sirius put his book aside and prepared.

— so...

—so...?

  * You know the new talk of the town? — He started as he let himself fall on the couch.



— Enlighten me — He said dramatically.

— There is a new guy…

— what you mean? — He asked patiently.

— A strange guy just walked in two weeks ago, he stayed— James continued as if he had said something interesting. Sirius rolled his eyes.

— oh! James, the greatest, would you stop the cockiness and tell me the full story already.

— Fine — he snorted but sat determined—. So, two weeks ago this guy walks in, doesn't stop at any of the shops, does not ask anyone for directions, does not interact with anyone at all, just walk right by the town and into the road.

— why didn't anyone stop him? — Most people who visited the town came because they were aware of its magical nature, most people here were magical users or related to one, there were magical communities in other places, but this was the largest settlement.

The town was so far away from any other that hardly anyone ever visited just as a passerby.

— Some people noticed him, but he seemed so sure of where he was or where he was going... I asked Madame Rosmerta— the owner of the tavern—. And she said that he had this way about him, like he had a purpose, so she figured he might be a friend of ours, mine o maybe Remus´s, since we travel a lot. The thing is they didn't want to question a friend of the lords.

— Then …is he a friend of someone?

— I'm getting to it, so he walks by and then that's the last thing they know about him, word goes around and people started to get worried, nobody comes forward with information and yet none of the lords went to introduce him either, no one had seen him.

— What...? — Sirius was now frowning—. How long has this been going on? does anyone know where this guy is?

— He walked into town again yesterday to buy supplies, apparently, he is fixing a house— James answered dismissing his concern.

— In who's land? — James seemed to think about it.

— You know, that is actually a good question — Sirius stood up.

— Grab your things, we are going.

— What? where?

— To find out where this guy is.

— Oh come on, there is no need to be like that— he laughed a little.

— A stranger comes into town, doesn't talk to anybody and goes into hiding, next week he will come and kill everybody in their sleep — James stood up following.

— You are totally exaggerating and I'm only going to control your mess.

* * *

Severus was walking the carpenter through the house, explaining the arrangements he was planning to make when they heard horses. They went out to receive the visitors.

He waited until they stopped in front of his garden. He heard Tom, the carpenter, greet them.

— Is there a problem? — The two guys looked around his age and had that air around them that wealthy people have.

— No necessarily, we are just here to ensure everything is fine, you have made the people in town quite uneasy— and Severus understood why, but he had hope for a few more days of quietness.

— I had not such intentions, I’m just looking to spend here a few seasons, not to cause any trouble.

— We are from the Potter and Black House, our families own the neighbor lands — Severus looked at them with more attention, after so many years he could not recognize them, but he thought he had a pretty good guess of who exactly they were.

— Snape — He introduced himself, living his first name out.

— Snape…this land belongs to a friend of ours, so you can imagine our surprise at finding you here – Severus hesitated a little at hearing that. These lands were his by right, or at least that was the case when he left. He had a contract with the Black family and wasn’t sure if that meant they could take possession of the land if they thought him death.

— I have papers— he quickly went inside to get them. As he looked over the documents, he had to pause a little. These pieces of fragile paper had been subject of many internal conflicts for him. Over the years, when things got difficult the thought of selling had come often, as he was rich in title and land but poor on his pockets, only the thought of his mother had stopped him.

James saw him getting into the house and turned to Sirius.

— What do you think?

—There is no way he could have any papers on this land— he said somber. Out of all places he hadn’t expected to find the man here.

—He may have inherited it— was suggested in a soft voice, Sirius turned abruptly at the implication.

—That’s not possible, I would know — James straightened, surprised, and Sirius could tell he wanted to ask, but this was not the place—. What did he say his name was? — he changed the subject.

— Snape — James answered distracted.

— His first name is Severus— Tom interrupted, Sirius and James paused.

— He told you that? — Tom nodded.

— No wonder he looked familiar, is Severus, and of course he would come here, this are his lands– he said turning to look at Sirius—. This is so ridiculous — and then he started laughing.

— Is everything alright? — Severus came out carrying the papers.

— Yes! I'm sorry this is just some terrible misunderstanding— he got off the horse—. You are Severus Prince, are you not?

— Prince was my mother's name, I go by my father's name now.

— Of course — he gave a huge smiled and seemed genuinely happy—. So, you came back at last. Tom you can tell everyone in the town that they can sleep tight tonight, the stranger it's not after all.

* * *

Everyone was gossiping at the three broomsticks and honestly, he could understand the frenzy.

— So, he is a Lord then— Rosmerta said.

— I understand that his father was a common man and a muggle, but his mother was of high birth and magical, so he is half, and of course he inherited the land— said Tom who was present at the encounter and had memorized all the details for later explanation—. So yes, he would be one of the Lords.

— And what is he going to do with the land? if he wasn't interested before why now? is he planning on selling? He must know that not just anyone is welcome here.

— I don't think he is selling, he had an interesting set up, he is harvesting plants.

—Then isn't he planning in building a house?

— He has a house.

— What? the little chateau? — she said as if the sole idea was offensive—. Isn't that a little too small? I thought it was like a camping house for hunting.

— Well he called me because he is fixing it, so i don't think he will move out anytime soon.

— mmmh— madam Rosmerta kept on working behind the bar drying cups obsessively and obviously not convinced about the good nature of their new Lord—. And what is he harvesting? something interesting? it would be nice if he had brought some spices.

—About that —Tom smiled, he had been very pleased when he heard of this —. He is planting herbs, for his potions, he is a potionist — Sirius heard the excitement of those who were listening. They were a pretty self-functional community but there were some aspects on which they were lacking. James had proved to be a valuable asset, his traveling not only brought tales of adventures, but useful supplies to the people in town, but because of the delicate nature of them he could not carry potions in grand quantities and the traders who visited the town sell them at outrageous prices

— what kind?

— all kinds, he is a master potionist, he has studies on the subject — they kept on talking but he disconnected from the conversation and James who was sitting with him at a table in the corner turned to look at him.

— Quite the development, ah? — Sirius just nodded and there was a small silence between them—. You know...I never brought him up because in some part of my mind i thought he might be dead, I guess it never occurred to me that you would know about that— Sirius hurried his drink —. So how is it ?...that you know…— he continued when Sirius didn’t answer —. Come on, you can tell me, is it like a magical feeling…?

— Don’t be dense, the contract is intact — he gave him a bored look.

— You still have that?

—Mother kept it, she thinks I don’t know about it — a few months after Severus disappeared he had found it by accident. Being Severus a half blood, Eileen Prince, his mother, had wanted to magically bind him to the house of Black and the land to secure his position as the heir and so that his father could never take possession on his behalf. Magical contracts like that burned away if one of the parts died.

—Well I guess it makes sense, I thought it was something more interesting— Sirius shrugged —. What are you going to do?

—About what?

—He is going to be here for a while…

—I’m sure we can coexist without bothering each other.

—He can, he was never the problem to begin with, you on the other hand —he looks at him seriously —. And anyway, that’s not what i meant.

— And what did you mean? — James just looked at him in a way that unnerved him.

— How are things going with Nymphadora? —Sirius breathed deeply before putting some money on the table and standing up—. You’re leaving?

— I had quite the day. I’m going to head upstairs— James let him go without much protest knowing the subject had gotten too sensitive.

He rented a room, not because he was too tired to go home, but to hide in and postpone confronting his mother, he didn’t want to talk of the subject when he didn’t even know how to handle it himself. 

* * *

* * *


	2. Chapter 2:The contract

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter on severus past in Godric´s Hollow

* * *

**Chapter 2: The contract**

When they first arrived at Godric´s Hollow it seemed like a dream. Severus had grown up in London, full of noise and activity but dirty and messy in comparison.

The town was fairytale like, and Grimmauld Place looked like a palace, it was enough for him to forget all his previous complains. At first, he hadn’t wanted to leave his father behind, but mother had been adamant.

–You know your father´s work keeps him away from home, how can I recovered if i know your all alone – she also said there would be other children for him to play with. He had very few friends, as he was to stick to his studies, by his father´s orders, but mother always made sure to take him with when she visited hers, she said socializing was important too. Sadly, lately as her health wasn’t so good, they couldn’t go out as frequently.

Walburga Black, the lady of the house, was his mother´s childhood friend. She invited her to spend a season with them, so she could get some fresh air and rest. Severus had expected it to be more of a vacation for him too and was surprise to be set up to take on lessons with the lady´s son. That had been the start of their animosity. Sirius was also an only child but unlike him had all the bad traits of one, he was king on his house and his teacher´s darling, until they got someone to compare him to.

Then some of the servants of the house took a liking to him too, they liked how quiet and well behave he was, even lady Walburga made comments about his manners.

Used to getting his way, Sirius got frequently upset at being scolded into following his example. Severus didn’t quite understand all the fuss, at home he was usually scolded too.

It usually went with Severus inadvertently doing something and Sirius passive aggressively getting revenge, but besides that, as the only children in the house they would rather make up and seek each other’s company. Until Sirius got visitors of course, then Severus would be completely forgotten.

The first few times Sirius´s friends visited he was excited, but quickly he realized, when they were together he was the outsider and at the bottom of every joke. Remus wasn’t so terrible, but he didn’t visit as much, it was always the Potter boy. After he had levitated Severus to a pond he made the habit of staying out of their way.

Because of that he had dreaded when a trip with them was set up. He had been taught how to ride a horse, but it was not something he had many opportunities to do in London, so naturally he wasn’t very good at it. Walburga at hearing about this had quickly order Sirius to take him into town by horse and she would give them some money to spent on the market. His mother had been scandalized that they were to go alone.

– Honey the city has changed you, is just an hour ride – She explained how everyone knew Sirius and his friends, and that they would be fine.

That morning they got up very early and ready themselves, it was a relief when at last minute James had not been allowed to come and a servant had been sent with the news. He and Remus had broken the water mill. They were surprised when Remus arrived as expected.

– How is that you are not grounded? – Severus asked while they galloped. Remus sighed.

–I did get the lecture of my life over it, but it really wasn’t my fault.

–. So, what happened?

– It was the Weasley twins, they wanted to run inside of it…it was an accident – Sirius started to laugh.

–Did they blame it on James? –

–No, they confessed, but you know, we were there – Sirius nodded, and Severus felt as if he was missing something.

– Did James parents not believe him? -Severus Aked

–Grandparents – Remus corrected–…and James…well he never denies it when he messes up, but he does this thing…

–He hangs his head and stays quiet –Sirius added.

–Yeah, so it wasn’t as if they didn’t believe him, he probably didn’t even defend himself.

–So, they think he did it? – Remus shook his head.

–The baron took him to see how to get the mill fix, my Father ran into them, he said he laughed when he heard the details.

– Why is he grounded then?

–I told you, we were there.

–But you are not grounded – Remus look at him strangely.

– It’s not the same. -

Later he had asked his mother about it. She said that the Potters were founders of Godric´s Hollow, just as the Blacks, and that they had certain responsibilities to the town and its people. James was also to be baron one day, sooner than they expected since after his parents passing he was the only heir.

–What about Remus?

– He is a bit like us– She explained that coming from a lesser house they didn’t had big responsibilities–. Remember when I told you about that? – He nodded. A few years back he had inherited his Grandfathers title as Lord. His mother very delicately had explained that since his father skipped her and him on his will, he would have no state to administrate, but assured him that it wasn’t a big loss and her family had very few properties left anyway. He had been surprised at the time, he didn’t feel he needed apologies for not getting something he never expected, he had been ten and didn’t even knew what a title was –. So how did you like the town? – Glad at the change in subject he told her of their trip in detail.

* * *

It was one of those days. Sirius had guests and Severus had choose to make himself scarce. He was alone exploring the house while avoiding the other children when he heard the voices coming from the drawing room. He tried not to make any noise, mother had told him to go play outside and would not be happy if she found him “lurking around” as she liked to call it.

–He doesn’t even let him go outside, he says he doesn’t want him getting mixed up with the “low-class” children, but he also complains about my friend´s kids, its like we live in a social fracture with nowhere to stand, and no one cares more than him.

–How long has this been going on?

–I’m not even sure, he is always been more on the strict side, I knew that, and he wanted to oversee Severus´s education. I thought it was charming, since my father hardly ever cared…god I’m so ashamed – Severus got closer to peak through the semi open doors. He saw as Walburga took his mother hand in what seemed an encouraging gesture –. Severus is so smart, I just enjoyed bragging about the many things my child knew. I didn’t even notice how it really was until I got sick. It seems as if my eyes got suddenly open and I started to see, he is so hard on him.

–Maybe he is worried, doesn’t want him to go through the same difficulties – His mother paused a little.

–He also doesn’t allow him to perform magic when he is around, tells him is going to make him weak and dependant of it...and there’s also something else, you know, the one thing my father didn’t take.

–The title, I don’t he could have even if he wanted too.

–Yes but…that’s something that Severus has, and will have no matter what. Tobias lecturing doesn’t come from a place of concern…I think he resents him. At first, I thought I was imagining it but … when grandmother died and left me these lands…I felt so guilty, but I also knew that i had to keep it from him. He is jealous of his own child.

–Does your family know about the land? – She shook her head.

–Grandma bought it when she and grandpa where newlywed, planning to marry one of her daughters into the Potter family, you know how that worked out.

–She only had treacherous sons – Walburga said with humor and his mother laughed –. That may be why she took such a liking to you, her only granddaughter, she never brought anybody else here. She probably always planned to leave it to you.

–She wanted to leave me everything.

–It would have been unwise.

–I know…

–So, what has you so worried?

– What if anyone finds out? if he was full blood it wouldn’t be an issue.

–They can’t take it from him, they can’t even take it from you.

–Yes, but I don’t know how long …– they stayed silent for a while–. I figured someone in the family with the excuse of raising him can get his custody and manipulate him to give it up. He would be of age for this at sixteen, that’s four years from now, and after still at risk, anyone can take advantage of him, he has no protection.

–What about Snape?

–I told you i can’t trust him with this.

–I mean wont he come looking for you after you don’t return from your rest?

–He won’t come…he won’t write either, I left him. Severus doesn’t know yet.

* * *

Severus had felt strange for days after and didn’t know how to behave. His mind was full of thoughts of betrayal and anger but eventually it passed, and he decided against confronting his mother, quietly accepting her excuses as to why they were staying a bit longer.

Part of his decision to not say anything had come of the realization that not only his mother had taken him away, but his father had just accepted it. “He won’t write” she had said.

He cried, but not out of his own sadness, he was hurt that he wasn’t loved, but soon realized he didn’t miss him.

At the beginning of the summer his mother health started to get a little better and as she was more able to move around they had taken in going out. Very frequently they found themselves at a small chateau two hours away. Walburga would often comment about the convenient distance from her own home and how great the land was for harvesting. It didn’t take long for Severus to figured this were the lands he had heard them talk about.

Months went by and soon winter came. With the bad weather they spend more time inside of the house and James visits started to space out. Sirius seemed much calmer when the other wasn’t around, and maybe he had also gotten bored with Severus no longer being a novelty, these days they mostly left each other alone. That was until the tutor incident.

They were rolling around on the floor, each of them trying to land a punch. Mrs Mcgonagall had to get help to break them out.

–What are you two doing?! – they were both panting –. Come on, out with it – she ordered.

– He is being a brat – Severus started –. Can’t stand I’m doing better in our lessons.

–If you call kissing asses doing better.

–I don’t need to play nice with the tutors, just because your potions are garbage.

–He makes eyes at the teacher, so he gives him praises on his work – he said to Mcgonagall.

–How? When did that ever happened? –He asked exasperated.

–Just the other day, after my cauldron exploded I went to call for Mrs Mcgonagall and when I came back I caught you two.

–What are you talking about? I had my eyes covered in liquid, how could i have been making eyes at him when I didn’t even have them at the time! – Sirius open his mouth to talk but Mcgonagall took him by the shoulder and turned him to look at her.

–Sirius what did you saw? – He seemed a bit surprised at her sudden seriousness.

–Professor Lockhart had him by his face and was very close –Severus had been shocked at the insinuation and wanted to interrupt but Mcgonagall stopped him.

–Could had he been checking on Severus eyes? – she asked calmly.

– It didn’t seem…it looked…– Sirius stuttered–. He was flustered when he saw me – He said finally. Mcgonagall had gone very quiet and exchanged knowing looks with the servants. Lockhart had been fired right after, Severus blamed it on Sirius.

He was still bitter about it when the Potters had invited him and Sirius to spend Christmas. Severus didn’t want to go, as they were still fighting, and it felt a lot like going into enemy’s territory, but his mother had insisted.

The two days of Christmas turned into two weeks and by the time they could return home he was longing some solitude. He had been greeted with the bad news, his mother health had gotten suddenly worst leaving her now bedridden. It had been some awful few days as she had struggled with fever and Walburga had wanted to keep it from him expecting that a few more days of rest would allow her to get a little better. She had ended up bringing a nurse to the house to take care of her, no matter how much his mother protested it.

That same night he was getting ready to go to bed, mentally exhausted, when Sirius had come in almost kicking the door down.

–What happened? – he asked exalted thinking of his mother. He had started to move to go to her when Sirius answered him.

–You!

–What are you talking about? – he stopped on his tracks.

–Oh they haven’t told you? We are having a binding contract, to secure your inheritance – He seemed vengeful and spiteful, but the subject was too random to be a mean joke.

– What? Why would …? – he was confused.

–O let me think –Sirius started viciously –. Your mother was disowned, she married a penniless man who I’m sure would want to get his hands on her money and you are a half blood with a bunch of disgusting ambitious relatives, did i leave anything out?

–Who told you this?

–Mother just informed me of it, apparently you are so helpless that I must come to your aid–

–Well it must be a mistake, I have not been told of such a thing – He began to push him in direction to the door–. Also, I don’t need your help, my mother is the one with the land, it was rightfully given to her, now if you excuse me.

–Your mom is dying – He was startled for a second before remembering who he was talking to.

–She is not! – He kept on pushing and almost had him out of the room.

– Yes, she is, and now I have to marry you, so people won’t see how much of a charity case you are– Severus pushed him out before closing the door on his face and putting the latch on.

Hours later he sat beside his mother´s bed as she slept. He knew she was ill, but it wasn’t until now that he considered just how bad her condition really was.

After that he became even more recluse than before.

On the first sunny day, after the snow melted away, they had some guest over and in a very small ceremony a contract binding him to the Blacks had been made, he had just turned fourteen.

For the gathering his mother had gotten out of bed and even dressed up, so he had tried his best to look social and normal, truth being that he and Sirius weren’t even on speaking terms.

Everyone invited was aware of this not being a happy engagement but a necessity, still they were polite enough to get them gifts. Severus didn’t even look at them.

In the next weeks he crafted a routine, he would attend lessons in the Mourning, lunch with Walburga and Sirius, and then spent a huge part of his days in distant parts of the garden hiding with a book, so that his mother wouldn’t know how lonely he really was.

He was as usual, parked beneath a three when the clock struck four. He got up and started to make his way into the house. Every afternoon he would visit his mother for tea, just the two of them, so he was surprised when this time he found Sirius there with her.

Severus stalled by the door at the sight before him. It wasn’t as if Sirius didn’t speak with his mother, but he had never seen him here, it seemed intimate and wrong.

–I can’t be with him as much as I liked too – she said and took Sirius´s hand –. Thank you for keeping him company – Severus wanted to scream at that, angry at everything.

–Sirius – he said instead and saw him turn like he had been caught –. James is looking for you –Sirius blinked a few times before nodding, it was obvious he got that it was a lie. He walked in his direction and Severus stayed there until Sirius reached him, he then closed the door leaving both outside and out of his mother sight.

–Stay away from here –he said and didn’t wait to see his reaction.

Eileen Prince passed away two weeks later. Severus left right after.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3: Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i honestly think we suffer through our lives the things we need to suffer.
> 
> He hadn’t thought of that, the other families probably didn’t know he ran away. The other families might think the bonding between him and Black was still on.

* * *

* * *

**Chapter 3: Understanding**

Severus wasn't very surprised when a few days after his identity reveal he received an invitation for tea at Grimmauld Place.

Now he found himself sitting in front of Walburga Black.

Unexpectedly, after his disappearance, a lot of the blame had fallen on Sirius for a while, somehow the adults had expected him to be the first to notice, or to find out sooner.

— I ran away —Severus said, sensing an apology was needed—. I never imagined there were any doubts.

— I'm so glad you are here now, and not in some ditch so we can laugh about it and move on — She served him tea and handed him the cup—. You Know Severus?, i honestly think we suffer through our lives the things we need to suffer, i was a negligent mother and a poor caretaker for you.

— That’s not true — He began to deny.

— Please! — she put her hand up, stopping him—. Let me get this out of my chest... — there was a long silence until she felt ready to speak again—... I raised a spoiled child and ignored another, for the first i have no excuse and for the second i was grieving before and after, still, i should have known better, i understood soon after you left that when the time came, and your mother passed, in your eyes, there was nothing for you to stay. You were all alone and i was too busy to notice, i just thought ...he and Sirius will support each other, will keep each other company...i was a fool, and for that i am sorry— she looked at him in the eyes and he smiled reassuring her.

— It wasn't so bad, i had some good times here.

— But those weren't enough — he took his time but finally shook his head having to agree with that —. Sirius changed a lot after that, he was very worried, you know?...I'm not telling you this to defend him, he was a terrible child, gosh so unbearable, sadly to be better he needed to be torn apart and be made again, so your disappearance changed both of us, we learned and we evolved, but i don't understand what was it that you needed to learn, if everyone suffers of just what they need—. Severus took a deep breath as he thought about it.

— I needed to learn why mother left Tobias Snape, i needed to learn why would she choose to come here taking me away from him and everything, and by being alone, surviving and pulling through the world all on my own i understood why she thought doing what she did was best, she wanted me to never be alone... in a way i couldn't have possibly achieve at the young age i lost her i came to understand her and her love for me ...

— well that is rather depressing — he could no help laughing at the anticlimactic statement —. I expect there to be far more pleasant lesson for us in the future—She said lifting her cup of tea as in sheers.

* * *

—…And he walks — the old Filius continued as if it was the most offensive thing in the world. James who had been enduring the speech quietly almost choked on his drink making Sirius give him a sideway look.

As part of major families in Godric, in the last few years people had started coming to them when there was trouble around the town, not for them to tell the baron or his mother anymore, but for them to do something about it, give them their opinion on the matter.

Sometimes the problems were…well, not really problems, like at all, like now. Severus had been back for a month now and some people weren’t too comfortable yet with the idea of him.

Madame Rosmerta who was by the bar seemed to finally feel pity on their situation and made her way towards them.

—What are you complaining about this time Filius? —She said in a teasing tone.

—Well, Lord Prince of course

—What can he possibly have done, he hardly comes into town

—Exactly, he doesn’t mix, we hardly know him, and then he just walks everywhere…is just weird —They all shared a look trying to contain a laugh.

* * *

Later Severus was explained in little scraps the discussion that followed, the gist of the Matter was that if he was to be part of the community, for however long, he had to make an effort.

In anyway, Walburga had insisted on him visiting at least once a week, it was quite a long walk to be making so frequently from his house, and also, Lily would be here in no time, he could not be dragging her around on foot.

People could be so judgmental sometimes, getting upset about him walking. He look at his present company, Black and Potter scorting him on his quest for a horse. Over all he was surprise at them having to come to him with this. He sighed and tried to suppress a smile thinking it was a little funny.

They walked around the stable looking at the different animals.

—That one is called Norbert —Hagrid referred to a black stallion Severus was considering—. He is too difficult, I’m going the send him to train with the Weasleys soon, the tame ones are out for the day — He apologized —. I usually only have three or four for visitors, James told me you live and the chateau beyond the mill, that’s quite far, you might want to look into buying if you are staying long.

—Who’s buying? —. They heard a cheeky voice behind them. A strong woman with red head was guiding a pony.

— Molly! —James went to kiss here on the cheek —I Haven seen you in ages, you never come to town anymore.

—I been kept busy, I have seven children you know? and they are as wild as my horses —She nodded greeting Sirius to then look at Severus —.And who is this, a new face? —. She asked excitedly.

—Old one really, you remember Severus ?—.

—Of course! – she gave a big smile–. When did you get back? — She look at him in wonder.

—You have met before? –Hagrid asked curious.

—Sure! he used to live here — she explained—. I’m sorry, you might not remember me — She came close to shake his hand —. Molly Weasly, I was at you binding ceremony— he nodded in recognition a little uncomfortable and threw a side-glance at Hagrid —. If you need a horse just come by the burrow.

—The burrow? —

—The Weasleys ranch…— she suddenly remembered and gave the reins of the pony to Hagrid —. Let’s see how this one does with the little kids, test if is worth bringing more — Hagrid went to put the animal away —So, about that horse —She turned to talk to him again.

— I’m not looking to buy just yet, I have nowhere to keep it.

— Why? Where are you staying? — She looked between him and Sirius. Severus was suddenly very aware of Potter shifting from one foot to another uncomfortably.

—My mother´s house…umm the hunting chateau

— oh!! Right… yeah ! I know where that is, it needed some fixing the last time I went by

—Yeah, I’m working on that

—Well… when you settle just come by, It’ll be a gift, we were supposed to give you a horse back then as an engagement present but had just sold a bunch and only had little foals — He nodded hoping her to drop the subject—. You should come with Sirius sometimes; we just installed a new obstacles course.

— I’m not really that good at riding. —He tried to refuse.

—All the more reason, you should all come — she said extending the invitation –. I have to go, see you soon.

Severus gave her tight smile and watched her leave. There was a long silence between them.

—What …what do the other people in town know about me leaving? — he said finally turning to look at the other two.

— …There… was never much explanation, it was a private matter —Was Sirius answer — I mean, most didn’t even met you to begin with… of course the Potter knew, and the lupins too, some of the servants got a pretty good idea too…

—I thought it was a sort of open secret kind of thing—James added —. Sort of a sensitive subject not to be brought up in polite company you know.

—…Someone is going to have to turned down that engagement gift —He said after a while.

—Are you sure? they got the best horses —Sirius gave him an incredulous look — what? You did get engaged

— You know it wasn’t really that.

—I’m feeling tired —He massaged his head beginning to sense a headache coming up —. Can you give my thank to Hagrid for me, I will sort out the horse problem on another day —He said without looking at them anymore as he focused on hurriedly exiting the place.

He hadn’t thought of that, the other families probably didn’t know he ran away. The other families might think the bonding between him and Black was still on.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4: The Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> — But you are both different people now, and you are in the same place for the first time in ten years, Isn’t it uncertain? Unspoken? you will have to make that decision.

* * *

**Chapter 4: The Friend**

James was hanging on the porch of the three broomsticks. Madame Rosmerta by his side. 

Sirius and Nymphadora were by the weasleys twins shop making gestures trying to get his attention.

—What is he doing? —She asked pouting at getting ignored.

—Lets just go over there — Sirius said fed up. They crossed the street making their way there.

—What are you doing? we been waiting for you for an hour — James and Madame Romesterta both made hurried hand gesture shutting him up. He turned around to see what they were looking at. A little down the road someone was definitely moving in.

—There is a new girl in town, she is moving into the old Peverell House, I didn’t even know they sold it…—He turned to Sirius —. Did you know about it? —There usually wasn’t moves in property inside of Godric without them knowing.

—She didn’t buy it, she is renting —Madame Rosmerta Intervened before they could continue —. Didn’t Lord Prince tell you? she is a friend of his — the both shook their heads.

—Do you two talk a lot? —James asked her curious

—He doesn’t really talk much, but is very polite in answering

—So you just ambush him with questions then —Madame Rosmerta Hit him teasingly on the arm making him laugh.

—Does everybody but me know this Lord prince? He comes by to Grimmauld every so often but aunt Walburga never lets me join.

—Really? —Madame Rosmerta said surprised and then turned to look at Sirius —Are you two close?

—Na, but Their mothers were very close friends, Severus´s mother is even buried in Gimmauld Place —James answer absently still trying to get a glimpse of the newcomer, he suddenly seemed to notice he had said too much and cleared his throat

—Here they come —Rosmerta said interrupting and making them all turned to look.

—…oh she looks so fancy — Nymphadora said.

—I heard her family is on the textile business —Madame Romerta supplied.

They all got a pretty clear view of the moment Severus notice them. His expression showed that he wasn’t thrilled to run into them. James waved his hand and Sirius wanted to dig a whole and get into it.

Even though Severus visited his own home frequently his mother was very careful about them not running into each other, so the last time they had come into contact had been 3 weeks prior, when the whole engagement present fiasco had come to light. So no contact, and Sirius had been fine with that, but Godric was a small town after all.

He saw Severus speaking with the girl and then starting to come this way, it was only proper for them to come to say hello after all.

—Potter, Black, Madame, my Lady—He nodded soberly —This is Lily Evans.

—Hello

—I’ve been waiting to meet you, Nymphadora Tonks —she instructed herself.

—Severus Snape — He made a reverence.

—Oh… I thought it was Prince

—I think legally it is —Lily said giving him a look that received an equal one in returned. Clearly a discussion had been had on the matter.

—How is it then? — Sirius greeted his teeth. Nymphadora never knew when to drop it.

—My title and legal name is Prince, from my mothers side, I just been going by my father’s name for a while.

—You should use your mothers now that you are back in Godric though —James supplied.

—Back? I'm sorry— Nymphadora interrupted smiling—. Since when do you two know each other?

—Well…/since childhood— Severus and James said at the same time.

—It was a long time ago— Severus added.

—He used to live here— Sirius cleared.

—Severus told me you recommended the house I’m renting — Lily said to Madame Rosmerta Changing the subject —.Would you know who can i talk to about scoring some other property, for a shop and storage?

—You’re looking to stay long? —James asked.

—Well I hope so, it depends on how those inquiries go I’m…Maybe we should sit down, talk about it over lunch —She suggested signaling the bar.

* * *

They were laughing over the shared meal and drinks

—You must tell me something naughty about Sirius, he and James are partners in crime and only tell tales of amazing adventures, tell me something embarrassing— Nymphadora begged.

—O no, we are in trouble, he knows our secrets —James said jokingly.

—James tried to run inside a water mill once—He offered.

—What? — was Lily shocked reaction.

—Hey! I did not, I just watched.

—o thats right —Sirius clapped remembering —. You got in trouble for that

—I was just there when it happened

—No but come on, we all know James is an idiot — James acted offended as they all laughed —But what about Sirius ?

Severus though about it

—He used to throw tantrums about me doing better in our lessons— They all mocked and Sirius just smiled embarrassed.

—Ok fine, I’m such an only child

—You got a teacher fired over it.

—Noooo —Nymphadora said

—Who? — Sirius asked and seemed genuinely surprised. Severus looked at him like “really?”

—Are you talking about Lockhart? —James asked

—Yes — He answered and James pulled a weird face —What?

—Ok, I need to hear this story —Lily said.

—I can’t believe you are bringing him up — Sirius said.

—You did get him fired.

—And it was justified as far as I know, I didn’t find out this until like 2 years later but that guy …lets say he liked his students a bit much—James said somber.

Lily open her mouth shocked in understanding

—Did he tried something with you? —she asked Sirius

—Not with me, with him—He said pointing at Severus

—You never told me about this —She said turning to him

—Hold on, this isn’t how I remember it

—I don’t think you noticed to be fair, I didn’t—James started— but looking back it was a huge deal, the guy had been hired at my house too, I remembered I had two lessons with him before Misses McGonagall contacted my grandfather, she was our governess — he added explaining the context to them —. he decided to review the whole staff again, and fired him too of course.

—But how did you find out? —Nymphadora asked.

—He had a preference for Severus, i got that pretty quick— Sirius scrached his neck uncomfortable talking about the subject— I didn’t understand the nature of it though, so at first I was just jealous of it, you know, like a child, but one day we had I think… it was a potion accident on his class and when I came back from looking for help he was like really close, caressing him it was…— he left it there and make a gesture like he didn’t want to remember —I think is better if you don’t remember it that way, and anyway, that why we got send over the Potters for Christmas that year.

—I thought it was because of my mother´s health

—There was some of that too, but Grimmauld was big and you had a tendency to disappear on it alone for hours… They were worried about the professor for a while.

—And you knew about this ? —He asked James

— My grandfather told me when I was sixteen I think, he got news of Lockhart getting a job with a Malfoy, they sent him a letter asking about the teacher, he didn’t give details but it was somehing about suspicious behavior so he had to notify the family. I asked Sirius then and he told me this.

Severus let himself fall against his chair pondering about this new knowledge.

* * *

After the meal the accompanied Lily to her new house.

— I must owl my father immediately to tell him of my arrival — Lily said trowing her hat somewhere in the house that was still being settled by servants —.You know he almost send Petunia´s Husband? Luckily the man was scandalized at hearing this was a mostly magical town – She took his hands and look at him smiling —. I’m so glad of you, Father wouldn’t have let me come first otherwise.

—You have managed business before.

— That’s the least of his worries. You realize how far we are from London? I’m a city girl, he said is very different here, that in this kind of places everyone knows each other, and I would be an outsider.

—He is right about that —he had to conceded —. But everyone knows about you already.

—So it seems right ? that groups was waiting for me, how did that happen?

— I was making some inquiries about houses to rent; the gossip grew from that — Lily started to laugh. God he had missed her.

Back when he still lived in London Lily had been one of the few friends his father approved of, so they were very frequently in each other’s company. By the time he visited her again both families had drifted apart, but the Evans had received him warmly, and once he had talked about the strained relationship with his father they had told some truths on their own.

Tobias had in the pass consider their families to be equals, and that seemed to be something very important to him. When he left the Evans had a small business, he could tell that wasn’t the case anymore, and as he was told his father had not been very happy at their success, changing their dynamics in his eyes.

—He is a snob, he had the nerve to tell us how now that we had money we should considered to better ourselves by marrying you and Lily — Severus had been so embarrassed and had apologized profusely. Mr. Evans had dismissed the issue, saying it was fortunate that he took after his mother.

They kept in touch after that with Severus visiting them at least once a year. It was even Mr Evans who had gotten him his apprentice ship, It was a little bit after he turned sixteen, he was back at London and had finally decided to tell them about the land and his mother´s concerns.

Mr Evans had been furious that he was on his own all this time, it had been kind of hilarious, to be scolded and treated as a child after two years of living as an adult.

That night over a candle he had whispered the story on detail to Lily, why he had left Godric´s Hollow and why he didn’t want to sell the land.

—My father can give you money to put something in there, maybe work the land — she had suggested.

—It would be the same as accepting the Blacks charity.

—Then what do you plan to do with it? is of no use to you if it’s just there, your mother wouldn’t have wanted that.

—Well…you know how I told you that I visited this magic shop in Dublin? I worked there really, and I was allowed in the back a lot so I could see how they make the potions, it was a mess, nothing like I was taught, I definitely could do better…so I was thinking maybe use the land to plant a little and make my own potions, I used to be good at it…back when I still took lessons – he confessed shyly.

A few days later Lily´s father had come home informing him that he was to go to Scotland to learn with Horace Slughorn.

—He is a potions master, friend of a friend, noble too, was thrilled when he heard about a little lord wanting to be a potionist. You leave in two weeks, your train ticket is already bought, and I will hear no discussion on the matter — he had said severely. Severus had hugged him and cried.

He smiled at the memory as he let himself fall over the couch and soon felt Lily sit beside him. Both of them splatter, not caring.

—I wanted to ask, about that teacher story, is that something that you been upset about?

—It was a long time ago

—And it was one of the first things that came to your mind when asked —He pressed his lips — I know your are one to hold long grudges, since you keep quiet about things they don’t get a chance to scape your mind —She said smiling.

—I’m more upset about it now that I know i shouldn’t have been upset on the first place

—That is so you —They were quiet for a while —.They seemed nice, What did you think about Nymphadora?

—She seems… younger — he said trying to be careful.

—She would not drop the thing about your name, when everyone could tell it was a touchy subject

—Well I think they said she is eighteen

—That must be it, she had that impertinence of youth, still very nice though, I don’t want to be too harsh—she look at him for a while, like she was considering something— did you notice that she fancies him?…Sirius

—How would you know? we just met her today

—It was so obvious—She said rolling her eyes—. maybe they have an arrangement, James mentioned she is Sirius second Cousin, they might want to make that a thing… their families I mean

Severus tried to remember their interactions at the bar, Sirius didn’t look interested, but they themselves hadn’t been into each other either back then and had gotten engaged anyway. He shrugged not really knowing what to answer.

—Would you be ok with that? —He turned to find Lily looking at him intently

—Are you asking me seriously?

— Yes

—You know it was never a love match…there wasn’t even any level of liking involved.

— But you are both different people now, and you are in the same place for the first time in ten years

—Lily …—He had to take his time to sit properly and think about the matter before answering —.I was never even sure if I would ever come back, much less to fulfill a bonding promise, they probably thought I was death… I’m sure they weren’t thinking about that either

—But what about now?

—What about it? 

—Isn’t it uncertain? Unspoken? you will have to clear that up at some point, you even have an engagement present to either accept or turned down, you told me

—Well if he is to marry Nymphadora this is all pointless

—What I’m saying is that he probably won’t, not without asking you first, and you will have to make that decision.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5: The Burrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was calming in a way, that Sirius still annoyed him, if only slightly. It had been an unexpected shocked for Severus, to make sense of all the personalities of the people he once knew, and who they had become in his absence, as they had been frozen on his memory for a long time..  
> He realized that in a way he had expected oversized versions of the children they once were, not even grown up versions of themselves. Potter breaking bigger things or making bigger messes, Sirius having bigger fights and Remus on a field of flowers being even more unbothered…

* * *

Lily was just mesmerized, everything seemed such a wonder at Godric´s Hollow, from the town, the mill, the rivers and of course The Burrow was not different.

—I just don’t understand, how does it stay up? —She asked looking at the twisted shape of the Weasley´s home.

—Well magic of course, not contractor would achieve such a thing —Molly answered coming to stand by her side.

—O of course — she laughed at herself shyly —. silly me, I keep forgetting —Even knowing beforehand that this was a magical town seeing the traces of magic in every corner had been surprising—.We have magic in London, but is… you know…not this integrated with regular life I suppose.

—You´ll get used to it.

She heard a laugh and turned to find Severus looking at her with a cheeky smile.

—What? —She asked knowing what was coming.

—Nothing, I just think is funny how amazed you are at everything after bullying me about…how was that you called it? …my countryside life dreams.

— o shut up —She said shoving him playfully —. And I don’t remember being exactly amazed at your current living situation.

— You visited the chateau? —Lily felt her back getting stiff at hearing Lady Walburga´s voice, she turned giving her best smile. Even though the woman enjoyed her, she could tell, she had her eye on her when it came to anything related to Severus —. How was it? I have yet to be invited —She said gracefully taking off her gloves as she was just coming off of her carriage.

—I want it to be completed before you see it — Severus answered—. I already had to suffered in silence enough of Lily´s judgment.

—O darling, I wouldn’t judge — she touched his cheek in a motherly gesture before turning to Lily again —. Now be honest, is it bad? — Lily could not stop her laugh.

—A little rustic for my taste —

—What is? — James asked incorporating himself in the conversation as he and the others got off their carriages.

—Severus ´s house — Molly answered taking pity on Severus who seemed flustered.

—Really? Well it is a hunting chateau…although my grandfather told me it has a beautiful bathing room, it used to be Potter´s property…ages ago, I think it was his mother that had it built.

—That is true — Lily admitted —. Beautiful bathroom.

—Must you stay there? —Walburga asked.

From what Lily heard this had been a topic of conversation already. She herself had asked Severus to stay in her house on the town rather than in the chateau.

—Is a work in progress— he said with a pleading look.

—It will present itself — Molly said giving him strong pats on his shoulder —. Look at the burrow, it was never supposed to be this funny looking but—

—You just kept on having children —James interrupted.

—I was going to say adding floors —

—Molly I am dying to see the horses — Lily decided to cut in and Molly seemed glad to take the bait.

—Shall we go in? I think James is eager to be the first to try on some jumps — She said giving him a look and James went to give her numerous compliments as an apology.

Before following Lily gave Severus a pointed look that had him pressing his lips in a line in understanding.

He took a deep breath bracing himself as his eyes fell on Sirius. It was long overdue, the talking, but to be fair there hadn’t been many opportunities for them to talk alone as their outings always involved some other people.

—So… — he saw Lily taking Nymphadora´s arm —. About horse riding, you will have to teach me, Because I confess, I got the whole outfit but none of the skill.

Walburga took his own arm to walk beside him.

—I want to visit that house soon.

—Next spring, when is fully done.

—Next Spring?! What can possibly take that long, that is unacceptable.

—It will be ready for me to live before the winter but everything else… it will take time.

—Oh you mean the lab, that’s alright, I can see it without it —She said lightly.

—But it will be filled with materials…dust…

—She will not let go until she sees and approves of the whole operation, just give up — Sirius said giving him an apologetic look.

—Have YOU seen it? —Walburga turned to address her son that was walking a little behind them.

—Without you? Nooo, I would not survive that kind of betrayal.

—Oh hush it — she said smiling and turning again.—. So… I’m guessing you won’t be making potions for a while?

—The lab is going to be operational soon, just not so pristine, is the materials that are keeping me back, many of the ingredients I’m only learning now how to harvest.

—I Had not thought about that…herbology is another subject of stud— She stopped suddenly. They were almost reaching the others that were looking at a horse. They scene seemed suddenly strange as he noticed them being quiet and looking at their direction as Nymphadora was walking towards them.

—Did you forget something? — Sirius asked when she was closer.

—Excuse me — She said not answering and passing them by with her head low.

— What happened? —he heard Molly´s confused voice

— I’ll go see if she is alright — he saw James giving her a calming smile before setting off.

—I was just showing them the horse —she kept explaining.

—Your engagement present horse —Lily announced giving him a reprimanding look.

—does she not know? —Molly looked really lost.

—I should go talk to her — Sirius said but Walburga refused immediately.

—You will stay here, I’ll go talk to her, and Molly don’t you worry —she took her hand —I should have addressed this with her before coming here, my apologies for the mess — she said gracefully before leaving them there.

—…Is a lovely horse….—He said hoping to break some of the tension.

* * *

At the end Walburga had taken Nymphadora back to Grimmauld place and Molly fortunately had to tend to the other families invited to the exhibition, saving them for having to rush some explanation.

That is how Severus found himself an hour later, on top of The horse that was slowly being guided by Black.

—We should had left — he said feeling painfully awkward at the whole ordeal.

—Bad idea, the Weasleys started holding this Horse show only three years ago, they been breeding locally for years but are aiming to make more of a name for themselves now, is important that the funding families are here — he looked around —. I see that the Lestrange came this time —he gave him a meaningful look.

—I do not know what that means —his comment made Sirius throw his head back exasperated.

—Trust me, we have to stay — there was a little silence.

— …You have to stay—

—You’re suffering this with me — Sirius answered quickly through gritted teeth. Severus could not help it, the way it was said got a laugh out of him.

He petted the horse´s head getting his hand on the curly hair.

—Potter was right

—That one is new, about what?

—They do have the best horses, I kind of wish I could keep it, you think she will give it to Nymphadora instead? I’m thinking about buying it.

—What …—Sirius seemed a little lost for a second —…I’m not marrying my cousin — he said after a while, understanding what Severus was saying.

—ohh…Well…I suppose it makes sense now, otherwise you should be giving her some explanations at this moment.

—Who told you there was something with me and Nymphadora? —He asked upset.

—No one… it was suggested to me that it was most sensible that I should address this situation we have quickly… so you and Nymphadora would be able to forward your own engagement…if there was one.

—By James?

—By Lily, and don’t act offended, evidently it was a logical conclusion, it seems to me even Nymphadora herself thought so.

Sirius seemed to think about it before answering.

—…It was considered for a while

—But now is not? considered? is not because of me right? because I showed up…?—

—No — Sirius said shaking his head —. it does make for a wonderful excuse though.

—You don’t like her— he stated.

—She is alright — Sirius answered lightly.

—Of course she is, doesn’t mean you want to marry her — Sirius was quiet for a while—. You know your cousin has a crush on you, and since your mother is probably explaining everything to her right now…you’re going to have to turn her do… where are you taking me ? — he asked quickly as Sirius made the horse turn.

—Towards those jumping obstacles — he answered casually.

—Don’t you dare — he said going stiff and heard the horse make a noise.

—Loose the legs — Black absently gave him a couple of slaps indicating that he was holding on too tight before turning around again.

—What an ass — he muttered when he caught black turning his head trying to hide that he was laughing at him —. And you don’t have to be so dramatic; I was only giving you my opinion… we have to talk about that anyway.

— Why? When we can just keep un suffering in awkward silence —he said in a teasing tone making him purse his lips.

It was calming in a way, that Sirius still annoyed him, if only slightly. It had been an unexpected shocked for Severus, to make sense of all the personalities of the people he once knew, and who they had become in his absence, as they had been frozen on his memory for a long time..

He realized that in a way he had expected oversized versions of the children they once were, not even grown up versions of themselves. Potter breaking bigger things or making bigger messes, Sirius having bigger fights and Remus on a field of flowers being even more unbothered… that one could still be true given that they had yet to see each other.

—You are going to get married at some point —He tried to bring the subject up again —. To another if not her

—I’m twenty four

—So what? do you need time to find a way to make a living so you can support your wife ? — he said teasingly making Sirius roll his eyes.

—Yeah laugh about it, it is a problem, Black being a known name. I can’t even give a single smile without it becoming this huge society event, I’m sooner talking to the parents and uncles than the future bride…when I haven’t even decided if I want a bride — Severus was a little taking a back by everything in that sentence.

— Can we stop a little? I’m starting to feel like in one of those pony rides that Molly is installing — Sirius laughed but complied. Severus got immediately of the horse —.Well… besides your situation I guess what I really want to do is state my thoughts on the matter — they started to guide the horse towards the stables.

— Of course

—I…I have someone…sort of…more or less —He could not help the awkwardness. It was unexplored territory, was it polite to explain himself? Maybe no explaining himself was? Was it assuming too much?.

—Have you told my mother about them?

— No— he answered surprised —. I …I thought that was something I should tell you myself …or not, I wouldn’t know to be honest…You think she´ll be upset?

—…I don’t think she has any expectations really, no one has…Molly taking our bonding as a done deal took me by surprise, is been years…I Think…I think that as us my mother has probably been happy avoiding the subject — he laughed a little —. Is such a formality, the annulment of it

—is it difficult to do?

— no, no at all — he denied lightly —. I looked in to it when I was younger, I don’t remember much but it involved all the parties agreeing, witnesses…that kind of thing, I´ll talk to mother so we can get it on its way.

—Thank you — He said feeling relieved. They were quiet for a while.

—So this person…it isn’t Lily right?

— No…—he laughed a little at that —. and I actually haven’t told her yet, he is coming in a few weeks to help me…he is an herbologist you see… I’ll bring it up with Lily before that, they met before and it wasn’t exactly the best, I’m hoping this to be a new opportunity to introduce them properl—

—Heads up, the Lestrange are coming — He didn’t even had time to get upset over the interruption before they were intercepted.

—Sirius, I’m surprise to see you without your entire entourage —

—Bellatrix, I’m surprise to see you without your husband— Listening to the hidden hostility Severus thought about excusing himself but was immediately addressed by their new acquaintance.

—Who is you new friend? I haven’t seen him before — Sirius seemed reluctant to engage but introduced him anyway.

—This is lord prince, Severus this is Bellatrix Lestrange.

—Don’t be so cold, he and I are cousins —She explained.

—Distant cousins, but she goes by her husbands name now — Sirius said giving a wide smiling and making Severus think there was a whole story to that.

—So prince? I never heard of that name.

—Is a small family — he explained.

— That must be why — she said looking away and he was taken aback by the indifferent treatment —So is only you this year?

—James is riding around here somewhere, and Remus still having fun traveling if you must know.

—I was asking about Aunt Walburga and that little Tonks

— o Were you ? — They looked at each other for an uncomfortable second. 

—I just came by to tell you to forget about that horse, I was asking about it, just to buy it under your nose but it turns out is not for sale, is an engagement present for somebody…o well, since you cant have it either — She said to then walk away.

— I’m getting she is not from Nymphadora´s side of the family — Severus said after she was at a safe distance. Sirius only sighed.

* * *

c:


	6. Chapter 6: Liaisons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —I think you don’t allow yourself to feel — she continued ignoring him—. thinking you’d be better that way… this are the consequences, you have to see that

* * *

**Chapter 6: Liaisons**

His mother was Crying as the baron explained the situation. After speaking to the Lupins and even the Weasleys they had asked around the town but all came to one consensus, they had seen Severus, three days before, leaving Godric.

—I sent two men… I’m sorry Walburga, he got to the train station, we have no idea where he could be headed.

His mother started crying harder.

—Oh my god, it hasn’t been a week and I already lost her child, what am I going to do?

—Well you told me his father lived in London, he could be going there right?

There was silence

From their hiding place on the hallway neither of them could see, only listen.

—I don’t know his address…she was shunned by her noble family so I can’t find out through them

—We should be careful about alerting them also, your remembered Eileen´s worries about them taking advantage of him.

—Yes, yes of course

—What about that friend? —Remus whispered to James and Sirius as they could still hear the adults talking on the background.

—What friend? —James asked.

—The one with the red hair —He said as if was something they should be following with —. you know? When we were telling him about the Weasleys, how they all have red hair and he said his best friend in London had red hair…remember? —He finished deflating at them for not reacting.

—I’m sorry, I don’t remember that —James apologized. Remus turned to Sirius hopeful.

—You lived with him, he must have mentioned her, maybe he got letters from her, we could get an address — He saw his sad eyes as he started to deny with his head.

—I’m sorry …

—I can’t believe this! — he said getting suddenly upset —. you were the ones to spend the most time with him and know nothing about him, like at all! —he got up leaving.

—I think the best course of action is to wait a bit, maybe he will write once he settles —They heard the baron.

So they had waited. They waited for news that never came.

In the following weeks the house felt so empty, suddenly only the two of them again, as it hadn’t been in such a long time. It was unsettling, and over breakfast his mother would sometimes just stop and stare at their vacant seats.

Sirius often would find himself going to that three Severus used to visit so he and James wouldn’t bother him, it was quiet, so quiet that he could not stand it so he started to seek refuge on the kitchen, the only place that was always full of noise.

One afternoon he was just accompanying poppy as she baked.

—Why does everything seem so wintery now? —He asked

—Wintery?

—Grey, like when it rains and you don’t get to go out to see your friends, quiet…lonely…

—That’s what being sad feels like

— I don’t want to feel sad anymore —he said feeling himself starting to cry and not being able to stop it.

—O honey — Poppy hugged him —.We should bake a sad pie, you know? One where you can put all your sadness and give it away.

—That sounds made up — he laughed wiping his tears.

—That’s because it is — she answered making him laugh even louder—. but it takes time and its hard work, so it will at least distract you a bit.

So he baked. Sad pies, sad cakes, sad dinners and breakfast, and the time passed and just as poppy said the sadness went away…mostly…

* * *

Sirius flinched at feeling light hit his face. He had been dreaming of those times again.

He looked up expecting to see Kreacher but the shadow against the window was severely taller.

—Remus? — He sat on his bed confused —. You are supposed to be …not here

—I’m Just a few weeks early

— You didn’t mention coming early on your letters …—he rubbed his face trying to awake himself—. Does your father know you’re back?

Remus had been gone since the beginning of spring and was not supposed to be back until the end of summer. There was a reason behind the timing of his travel this time, his father was adamant that he should not been seen this season.

Not many were aware, but until less than a year ago Remus was set on marrying Bellatrix. This lack of knowledge about the romance came from neither of their families supporting the match, thus their relation was never publicly announced.

—I sent him a message —

— And he agreed? — He remembered when the whole thing came to light, he had never seen Hope Lupin so enraged.

Remus hesitated.

—…Well I send it to him from the Three Broomsticks — Sirius let himself fall back on the bed—.

—Remus…— he whined — What did you tell him exactly? on that message — Remus came close and sat on the bed.

—That I understood…everything, and I think he is right to want me away for a while…but that in a moment when I feel so wronged and sad his decision also left me without my family or friends, that if he would like I would not show my face in public, but I would see you and James.

—I don’t think rumors is what he is concerned about…Bellatrix has it on her best interest for this not to be the talk of the town.

—Well then, he doesn’t have anything to be worried about

— You were going to run away with her if necessary, you were even willing to take her name…just because she told you too…how manipulative is that, he is concerned about you—

—Stop, it wasn’t like that — he said standing up.

—…Remus… can’t you understand how it seems to him?

— Are you on his side? —he turned to look at him upset.

— I’m on our side, I want to be able to see my friend

— And I’m here —Remus said exasperated. 

—You have to talk to him, on his eyes we were toying with you…or at the very least my cousin did and I let it happen so can you please… explain that to him and stop pretending is not a factor.

— …is this been an issue between our families? — he said sitting again.

— Your parents haven’t showed up to any event, I know our mothers exchanged letters, from what I got, at first they thought my mother knew about it, I’m glad nobody has asked me

—I…I’m sorry — They stayed like that for a while before Sirius made the cover aside to sit beside Remus.

—I’m happy you’re back — Remus snorted.

—Is James giving you a hard time?

—Such a hard time — he said rolling his eyes —

* * *

—I still can’t believe Severus is back— Remus was getting a plate full of egg while the other waited for him at the table — i had to read that letter twice …Will I’ll be seeing him soon? —He asked looking pointedly at Sirius.

—I’m behaving if that is what you are asking

—Really? You two are getting along? —he sat down and accepted the cup of tea that was handed to him by Walburga.

—That is saying much, but we talk—

—He comes here all the time to have tea with aunty, but we aren’t invited — Nymphadora complained.

—Oh my, did you change your mind already? — Walburga started playfully —. I thought you didn’t want to ever see him again? — Nymphadora half rolled her eyes.

— I wouldn’t mind seeing Lily

— I would love to see her too, James description of her is quite dramatic, i can’t even imagine her— Remus intervened

—She is so pretty —Nymphadora said getting Walburga to give her a reproaching look.

—So I’ve heard —Remus smiled at her —. I was quite confused to be honest, at first I got the impression she was Severus Girlfriend

— We all did — Walburga said.

— You think James is going to propose to her? — Nymphadora asked

—Is too soon for that — Walburga started.

—Why? Not everyone needs to have a ten year long engagement — this time Nymphadora used a petulant tone that made her implication very obvious —. Remus don’t you agree? — She turned to him for support. Walburga opened her mouth about to scold her.

— On the contrary, I think is best to take these things with patience, you wouldn’t want to marry someone on the honeymoon phase, I’d much rather have at least a few fights first —Remus said before taking a sip of his tea.

Walburga considered him for a while and thought Remus had learned this lesson only so very recently.

—Well that’s very true — she added —. People might tell you otherwise but you should be smart about this things, test the temper first, you wouldn’t want to find out your unsuitable for each other when already beyond the point of separation.

—Narcissa says—

—Narcissa bored you to death— Sirius interrupted.

—…I supposed that’s true …—Nymphadora surrendered and they all laughed.

—Well Remus, you are invited to tea with us anytime —. Walburga said emphasizing the “you” to tease the others —. I’m sure Severus will be happy to see you, you were always his favorite

—Were you ? — Nymphadora asked enthusiastically

—He is just everyone’s favorite —Sirius dismissed —. And besides I don’t think Severus will have time to come as often anymore

—Whatever not? —

—I told you about that friend of his…the herbologist—He made a face at her — They are going to be working on planting ingredients

—He can’t possibly be that busy, is only tea on Fridays

—But aren’t they a couple — Remus said distractedly —. I’m sure they will need time to settle, also Lily doesn’t like him so I don’t think Severus would be on any hurry to bring him around the rest of us.

—Lily doesn’t like him? You didn’t tell me that — Walburga said to Sirius —. How did you know that? Are you sure?— she asked this time to Remus

—amm — Remus looked at Nymphadora and Sirius for help —. No, I’m not sure… that is just the impression James got, don’t take my word for it — he backtracked.

—If she doesn’t like him… her opinion is worth more than a little consideration, that girl has that kind of smart on her

—Mother don’t meddle… — Sirius pleaded

—Is not meddling… just, lets make sure Severus keeps coming for tea as usual, he can bring this…herbologist along— Sirius sighed and Remus gave him an apologetic look.

* * *

They were standing outside the entrance door seeing how the carriage send by the Lupins took Remus away.

—I hope they don’t lock him, he doesn’t deserve to be punished just because Bella is a cunt —

—Nymphadora! — He heard her maid scold her before laughing quietly. Their eyes crossed and she gave him a small smile.

She had been in a weird mood for a while after the engagement horse reveal to then come out of her room wilder than ever.

—Just don’t let my mother hear you

—Hear what? —Walburga asked getting to the door with them.

—Don’t ruin the surprise, lets go Padma — she said before running inside.

—Do I even want to know? — She asked Sirius to which he denied with his head laughing —. I Don’t know what to think about this new attitude of hers.

—I think is refreshing, she seems… lighter somehow

—Well…giving up on impressing you took a huge weight off her shoulders …I think I might need to put some back on —she finished laughing.

—She likes Remus, think that might do the trick?

— Looking at her behavior today not likely, did you see how she brought up se subject about the engagements? —Walburga shook her head —…she is so into crushes—She sighed —. She better not go beyond that, it would be setting herself up to another disappointment

— Remus wouldn’t lead her on

— Of course not….and there is no way he would seriously consider a Black again, and his family… could you imagine?

—Well…in anyway, she likes Remus in the way anybody that meets him does — he said shrugging—… he even got Bellatrix…for a while.

Sirius fixed his gazed on the carriage that could still be seen on the road. When he stopped looking, he was startled to find his mother eyes on him. She put her hand together and seemed to be mulling something over.

—I heard the Lestranges were at the Burrow, on the horse exhibition

—ooo yes, Bellatrix asked about you — he said suddenly remembering.

— You talked to her?

—Briefly, she said something about wanting to buy Severus´s horse — It was so typical of her, to make a fight out of anything.

—mmmm Did she asked about Remus? —Sirius felt himself going tense

—In a way…she kept looking around, I think she was hoping to see him there

— Well…in that aspect his father was right in sending him away…

—I hope he stays though, I told him to talk to his father, clear the air

—I Think It will be fine, most of what happened was in the heat of the moment …You know what was one accusation the Lupins threw our way? —Sirius started to deny but Walburga was not having it — Sirius …I Know you read those letter — He pressed his lips together—… Bellatrix and you were always so competitive…—he was a little taken aback by the direction the conversation was going.

—What are you trying to say?

—I think it was not your fault, what she did — She reassured him.

—Mother — he said still confused

—But I think you could have stopped it

—Excuse me?

—You’re going to tell me you didn’t know what they were planning to do?

—Yes, but It was his decision

—You know why she went for him

—He was happy

—This all could have been avoided, with one word from you

—Don’t — He put his hand up to stop her from talking —. You know I’m not allowed, since I’m your only heir—

—Don’t play that card on me, is the most unfair, you were engaged to a boy for god sake

—It wasn’t an engagement! —He yelled — you just made me his life buoy

His mother was silent for a while.

— whatever that arrangement was, I would never deny you …if it was really what you want it, but I fear you weren’t set on it, and that is not my fault, you let her take him from you —He looked at her surprised at her sudden harshness.

—I really thought she would do well by him— he argued.

—I think you don’t allow yourself to feel — she continued ignoring him—. thinking you’d be better that way… this are the consequences, you have to see that

—Why are you telling me this?

—Because I don’t want you to end up like Bellatrix, you both are not that different and I think that is why you never liked each other and why you fell for the same person…Sadly I think she truly loves Remus, really, but she chose to hurt him anyway, and she might carry the weight of that decision for a long time, don’t let that happen to you.

* * *

I might need to add the slow burn tag xD

Thank you for the kudos and comments, it does keep me motivated to see the people that enjoys the story c:


	7. Chapter 7: Perspectives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —Well write letters — he took him by the shoulders —. As we always done, it’ll be fine.  
> —Yes but— “it wasn’t supposed to be like always” was what he wanted to say before they got interrupted.

* * *

* * *

**Chapter 7: Perspectives**

Severus rang the bell and then back up the steps to wait outside the porch. Lily opened ready, hat in hand but stood there looking at him.

—Have you calmed down?

—Yes

—Do you apologize?

—I do

—Say it

—I apologize for my behavior the other night, you were just being a good friend pointing something very obvious that i wasn’t ready to listen and I’m sorry.

—Alright — She close the door and walk down the steps to hug him— I don’t like it when we fight.

—It was my fault, I get moody

— I’m sorry too, I know is a sensitive subject and I just went all at once— . She took a deep breath —And I would love to spend more time with you and evan.

Severus could tell she wouldn’t love that at all and it was an effort to even say it but he appreciated anyway.

He and Evan had met a few years back, when Severus was still an apprentice while Evan was already a working professional in the area, Lily hadn’t like that one bit right from the beginning.

—You’d do well not to mention to the others that this Rosier — she kept mentioning him like that—. Was your teacher, I’m sure James would have a joke or two to say about that.

—He was not my teacher — She only shrugged.

Severus decided to let it go as this had been a whole discussion already, not mattering to Lily that Evan was only a couple of years older than him.

—Is the position of power that bothers me —she had said the first time he introduced them. And that was what prompt him to keep her in the dark about their relationship.

—For two years! — she had yelled at him.

But as he had tried to explain to her, in those two years they had been on and off, both of their works keeping them apart.

—We weren’t even sure if we would ever try properly

—How is that a relationship?

—Well…is like…when your husband goes to war… — At that Lily had thrown her arms in the air mocking the whole issue.

It had been a long fight…

And for the sake of making up they had left many things on the middle, unresolved.

They made their way to the Three broomstick …

* * *

—Lord Prince? — Madame Rosmerta asked. Tom nodded —Noooo… —She said incredulous.

—Why not? — He answered not seeing what the big deal was.

—He is a noble and an only child, who would inherit the title?

Nobles didn’t have in their customs to usually marry among same sex couples, she had seen it before, sure, but only among third or fourth children, who were let to do as they pleased.

—He doesn’t care about those things, we talk a lot when I’m over there working on the house, he told me he inherited his title on accident, he was far from first in line, so he probably wasn’t raised for it.

—Does Lady Walburga know ?

—Why does it matter?

—Really Tom, you think our lives so packed with activity here at Godric that people won’t care what one of the Lords is doing?

— So, he has a boyfriend, so does George Weasley — he said shrugging.

— And Frank Bryce is been married to a man for fifteen years, that is not the point, they are common people Tom, is not the same.

—I think is modern of him, to live as the rest of us.

—I don’t think he is doing it as a political statement— She said patronizing —. And in anyway, it should at least be someone from Godric, but another outsider?

—We all ended up liking miss Evans — Madame Rosmerta sighed.

—Well Lady Walburga is the closest thing he has to family here, I’m sure she will have an opinion on this

Tom only laughed at her seriousness.

* * *

Evan Rosier looked around the bar catching a few people turning their head just as he found them looking in their direction.

—I feel like everyone is looking at us

—Is always like that at first — Severus said.

—So how is the business going? Severus told me you’ve been looking more into magical applications —Lily nodded

—Yes, it was suggested to me that i should hired locally, instead of bringing people over, is a struggle since no one here knows how to use a sewing machine and purely magical can be imprecise for the quality of production that a want to be making, so I’m looking into somewhat of an hybrid method, I’m really excited about it

—We are all very excited — Said Madame Rosmerta arriving at their table —. I heard you want to be open by February

—Yes, a month before the start of the season

—That’s very good, and who do we have here? new arrival?

— This is Evan Rosier, Evan this is Madame Rosmerta, she is the owner of the bar

—And the woman to go to —Lily added —. She know everything about the town

Evan bowed his head slightly as a greeting and Sirius noted how Madame Rosmerta´s eyes fell on their touching hands over the table. He could not help the sudden nervousness, he had never been one to publicly display his emotions much less show affection.

He swallowed and moved his hand away.

He heard them making small conversation before asking for their food and by the time he concentrated again Madame Rosmerta was gone.

—I don’t think that is something to be worried about — He frowned a little not knowing what they were talking about.

—How so? —Lily asked

— People most often decided who to marry without spending any real time together, I think in that aspect Severus and I are at the most advantaged — he saw Lily smile, forcibly, probably containing herself.

In the two years of their relationship the longer they had coincided in one place at a time had been four months. Lily had a strong opinion about that, he already heard all about it.

—You said you had news? — he asked changing the subject.

—Yes, Remember Pormona Sprout?

— That Herbologist you told me about

— I got an offer to go help with her investigation — Severus was a little surprised. They had been planning for Evan to come here for a while and the scheduling of it was a bit of a nightmare given the nature of his work, this probably meant he would have to leave earlier than expected.

—Does that call for a celebration? — Lily asked noticing his reluctance.

—I think it does — Evan smiled.

* * *

—That wasn’t so bad — Evan said after Lily had left. They were walking around.

Severus took a deep breath.

—So when are you leaving?

—I have to be there on the first of December, but don’t worry, that gives us enough time to set everything up before Winter — Severus made a face but had to agree, it would be petty of him to get upset at his lover for taking on such an opportunity —. What is that ?— Evan pointed at Weasley & Weasley that was full of people today.

—Is a prank shop — He answered not paying much attention.

—What? — Evan turned to look at him amused —. How odd, you didn’t tell me about that

—It wasn’t here when a was a kid, the owners are around my age

—I have to see that — he said before hurrying over. Severus just followed him as he scanned the shopfront and made comments here and there about the merchandise.

—How long does this…research last? — he brought up the subject again.

—Not sure, around three months I suppose — he answered without looking at him.

—You don’t know? — This time he was not able to keep the upset out of his voice making Evan turn to him.

—Well write letters — he took him by the shoulders —. As we always done, it’ll be fine.

—Yes but— “it wasn’t supposed to be like always” was what he wanted to say before they got interrupted.

—Severus! — he turned around to find one of the twins addressing him, he wasn’t sure which one.

—Fred…or George?... Hello

—Is Fred — he answered laughing

— I don’t believe that — he said humorless — Is probably George, he is a twin — he explained to Evan.

—At what do i own this illustrious visit?

—This is Evan Rosier — he introduced —. He wanted to see the shop

— Well… come — he ushered them inside.

—Friend of yours? —Evan whispered as they entered

—Not likely…

—I’ve heard that! — George yelled over his shoulder

—Heard what?! —Another voice yelled back from somewhere above their heads. Severus looked up to spot the other twin holding on to a ladder stair.

—Come down, Severus is here, you own me money —he then turned to them —. If he asks, you came in by yourselves —

— You had a bet? — Severus asked.

—Yes but i was betting on you — he explained as if that was a good thing. He then saw Sirius coming from the back door.

— oh come on! — he said upset when he spotted them.

—Not whining, pay up — Sirius got a hand on his pocket and put money on the counter.

—Is Potter on this too?

—No way, he is too preoccupied with getting on Lily´s good graces —Said Fred coming over and doing the same as Sirius.

—Was this bet on timing or me coming at all?

—I said before winter —George declare proudly

— Next year — Fred

—Not for at least two years — Sirius

—You would have won —he said to Sirius —. This is your fault — then turning to Evan—. oh! Im sorry, this is Evan Rosier, he is going to be staying for a while ammm Evan this is Sirius Black and…the Weasley twins — he made a vague gesture signaling the two of them —. Fred and George.

—Which is which?

—Whatever is fine— he answered at what the twins made fake offended noises.

—How dare you?

—They are going to lie about it anyway — he said deadpanned making them all laugh.

After that the twins invited Evan to the back room where they kept their “serious business” merchandise, living him and Sirius by themselves.

— So… what are you doing here? Is this the very rich version of sending your children to a corner? Giving you employment? —

—o shut up — he dismissed the jab —. I’m an investor, I use it as an excuse to come and nag from time to time.

—Do you nag any other businesses in the village? — Sirius seemed confused for a second.

—oh I don’t mean like that — he said remembering how his family own part of the village — I actually partnered with the twins for this shop — Severus made a face, he was honestly impressed.

—Is very fitting, of course they would grow to do something like this, I’m surprise they have a serious side of business

—The twins are quite the inventors, can achieve great things when challenged

Severus leaned on the counter supporting his head with his hand and look at the back door, he could still see Evan´s back from here.

—Mother still expects you for tea this Friday

—Of course

—She is arranging more of a hang out, to welcome your friend, not many people though, Lily, James, the usual…we might get Remus to come

— He is back?

—Just so, he is eager to see you

—And ill be glad to see him, he was the nicest of you all

—It seems mother was right— he said rolling his eyes —. She said he was your favorite

—Who is your favorite? —Asked Evan who was coming back

—Remus — The twins said at the same time.

—He was one of the children I used to play with, back when I lived here

— Should I be jealous? — Evan said playfully Putting his arm around his shoulder at what Severus straightened himself, uncomfortable again at the display.

—We should get going —He announced. The chateau was quite far, and it was better to leave early so Evan could get some rest.

—Where are you staying? — One of the twins asked Evan, Severus was about to answer but was beat to it.

—I got a room here at the Three Broomsticks — Severus frowned.

— Then we should have a drink later — Severus half heard them making plans and his eyes found Sirius´s. Embarrassed he looked away trying to hide how suddenly annoyed he was.

—Ill wait for you outside — he muttered.

—Sure, I’ll be right out — was the disinterested answer he got.

* * *

* * *


	8. Chapter 8: Excuses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —You’re not yourself when you are with them, Why do you even come to this house?  
> —You don’t like my house, you don’t like my friends and apparently you don’t even like the closest thing that I have to a mother  
> —I’m sorry, is just a bit difficult at the moment since it seems I’m meeting a whole new person

* * *

**Chapter 8: Excuses**

—You invite me to an exciting new place and then want me to come and stay in the middle of nowhere — Evan said as he was tying a plant to guide its growth. Severus was supposed to be taking notes, but they had not been talking about what they were doing for a while, instead they were arguing—. I want to see the town, meet new people

—I meet new people

—Really? Because i just got an earful about the reclusive Lord Prince at the Three Broomsticks…. which by the way, is that a thing now? Calling you Lord Prince — he looked at him with smiling eyes making Severus embarrassed.

—It seems they collectively decided — Evan made a weird expression.

—I have a question — Evan said standing up and wiping his hands with a cloth—. About this land, on your letter you said you gooot a piece of land

—What is this conversation? What are you going to nag me about now? —

—I Just want to be clear about how was it that you GOT it

—Can you just ask me what you want to ask? — He said fed up

—Did you bought it, or did you Inherited it?

—I inherited it

—hmmm

—What?

—Is just that now you go by lord, getting inheritances…

—Is this going to be another excuse for you? For not staying with me

—Severus you cant—

* * *

—He said that? — He nodded —. But…hooow did he said it? — Severus rolled his eyes.

He was sitting over a ladder in Lily´s storage room. They could hear the noises of the construction at the front of the store that was still being remodeled.

Lily was walking around working and being followed by her new assistant, miss Katie Bell.

—"You can’t be upset just because I don’t do as you please” — he repeated. Lily made an outraged expression — .You think he is right ? —. He asked unsure. He had been in a mood since Evan had first announced to be going outside their plans.

— No, I don’t think he is right — Lily seemed more upset than him now. She stopped for a while to choose among the fabric pieces Katie was showing her —

—I mean there has to be a bit of flexibility, room for adaptation, no everything is going to go as planned — he continued.

—Is that what he said to convince you that you are the one in the wrong? — she asked in a patronizing tone. Severus pressed his lips.

He considered not saying anything but had already been hiding his relationship for way too long, and it wasn’t the first time he had needed advice, he might as well seek it now than Lily knew about Evan.

— I can understand if things don’t go as planned, but you had agreed on it, is not “as you please” as he said it, and is not even only one thing right? — Severus had to think about it.

— I think…Most of it so far

—See ? you are allowed to be sad or even upset about it not going as it was supposed to, he doesn’t get to tell you how to feel. This is what I don’t like about dating older people, they always think they know better.

— He is four years older —

—Then he should stop acting so superior

—When was he superior? — Lily looked at him as if he was saying something crazy.

—When he was going on about how he was inviiiited to do research, he put on an application and got accepted…what do you think about this? — she showed him a shiny fabric, clearly magical —

— I wouldn’t know, I mostly wear black — she put it beside his face to see how the color worked —. So I should talk to him about it?

—I think so… What are you wearing on Friday?

—I don’t know… something more formal? Sirius told me Walburga was inviting more people

—You saw Sirius? —

—He was at the Weasleys shop the other day — he answered distractedly, and Lily nodded slowly.

—I think I have something for you to wear

—Not like that I hope — he signaled the fabric in her hand.

—Don’t be silly —

* * *

Walburga was talking to poppy about the food for the tea party when Winky rushed to her side with a letter.

—From Master Sirius my Lady

—Is he still not coming back? Is been six days —Poppy asked

—He is playing hard to get — she answered while she opened the letter —. I’m ashamed to say he is justified this time — She said remembering his face when she confronted him about Remus.

Walburga took a bit of time to read the the letter, it was brief and concise —. Well it seems we reached an agreement — she said folding it—. Glad that’s over, my next move was to bribe him with one of your pies.

—Will he be here for dinner? I might make a pie for him anyway

—Yes, that would be very nice Poppy, thank you — she said smiling and making her way out of the kitchens.

—What did he asked for my Lady? — Winky asked walking beside her.

It was not the first time Sirius had left the house after a fight, it wasn’t often, but it did happen.

—Two things this time

—And you agreed my Lady?

—Well, they both kind of point in the same direction, although I not sure he sees it — She handed the letter to Winky.

—Discretion and a horse? — she read out loud.

— He wants me to keep my opinion of Severus´s herbologist to myself.

—I take it I’m not to send that response to Madame Rosmerta?

—No, that would be rude, we will send a response, just a discreet one

—What about the horse? Wouldn’t be spoiling him? He doesn’t need another one

—Well, the horse he wants… remember that engagement present?

— The Weasleys horse?! —Winky asked exited.

* * *

On Friday they were silent as the carriage took them to Grimmauld Place.

—Do they usually send you a carriage?

—I walk most times, this is a consideration to you — He answered turning to look out the window.

—Are you still crossed about that?—Severus shrugged like it didn’t matter, but of course he was crossed at Evan not wanting to stay at the Chateau, the distance and the walking had been among his reasonings — Your house is very far from the village, you can’t deny that…— He kept on ignoring him —. Let’s be mature about this, what is the point of talking about it and agreeing to leave it behind if you’re still going to be like this? — Severus turned to look at him, somehow more upset at being called immature— Hey, come on — he took his hand —. I’m sorry

The word didn’t make Severus any less upset, he couldn’t seem to shake off, any attempt of conversation upsetting him in a different and new way.

—Fine …— he said finally deciding to leave it, not wanting to go into the party making a spectacle.

At the entrance Walburga was with her Winky waiting.

—Have we kept you waiting? — he hurried out of the carriage —. I thought we were on time —She kiss him on the cheek.

—No worries dear, you are on time as always, I just thought I should come down to greet you, isn’t it more of a special occasion? —Severus beamed.

—This is Evan Rosier — he said stepping aside —

—Ah... The herbologist iv been hearing about, nice to meet you

—Thank you for your invitation

— Everyone is at the back garden

—So we are late

—No…you know Sirius´s friends, they might as well live here —she joked —. And James wouldn’t dare to come without Lily

—That’s the second time I heard about that, is that a thing? — Evan asked.

— He is hoping it to be — Walburga said and looked at Severus, they laughed remembering a shared joke.

—Severus — Lily ran to him —. I told you it would look nice on you — she said passing her hands over his jacket.

—I wondered what was different, of course is Lily’s influence, you should wear blue more often — Walburga said.

—Nice to see you again Evan, the Weasleys are over here, I heard you already met them? — Lily guided him to one of the umbrellas in the garden. Walburga took Severus´s arms and walked more slowly with him.

—What a celebration, I thought we were only coming for tea — he could still hear Evan´s voice —. This is starting to seem a lot like meeting the parents…

— Is a close as it gets with our dear Severus — She answered him and Severus saw Evan getting a bit embarrassed realizing he had been heard.

Severus was a bit embarrassed with him so he let himself be distracted by Lily making the introductions.

* * *

Walburga was under the umbrella looking at her guests enjoying the garden. The baron standing beside her.

—So…what do you think? —He said pointing his chin at James who was close, talking with Sirius and Lily.

—Bright girl, picks up on things, knew to let me know she and Severus were not together right away, level headed, mature, very good for James…good for Godric too.

—So he is been telling me, quite the business woman ... And what about those two? —He pointed at where Evan and Severus were sitting. Walburga took a deep breath — You don’t like him? Already?

—He seems rather carefree, like he has to make no effort at all

—That is how it usually goes between male couples you know, they don’t have to fear the father´s wrath at their daughter being taken away.

—Is such a downgrade

—Walburga …—he scolded —. You didn’t think he and Sirius would still be right?, after all this years?

—No…— She had to concede. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Nymphadora talking to the Lupins — What is that girl doing? — The Baron left out a chuckle.

— I heard her said something earlier, about showing the good side of the family, they seem to be enjoying her.

— She has a crush on Remus now — she said as if it was absurd.

—Don’t they all at some point? — they shared a laugh —. Are you looking for her to marry locally?

— Yes, so she stays here, but not for now, she is foolishly young

— I agree, you should wait

— You think? —

— I know you Blacks, all wild and childish at first but with time get good heads on your shoulders, don’t marry her before she can grow on her own, you will just stunt her—She nodded agreeing.

* * *

After going around talking with everyone Severus was quite exhausted, so it took him a while to notice it had been long since he had seen Evan.

He looked around to find him sitting a bit far, by himself. Taking a drink, he made his way over there.

—You look upset — he said taking on his sullen expression now that he was closer.

—Is there somewhere we can talk? — Severus surprised at the sudden seriousness had agreed right away, so they had taken a walk away from the rest of the party, but sooner than he knew they were fighting.

—Evan, what the twins said about Remus… they were joking

— Then why did Lily do that? Getting me out of the way

— She was just being polite, this people came to see me, I can’t not talk to them… now where is this coming from? you never been the jealous type

Evan was quiet for a while.

—You’re not yourself when you are with them

—I’m sorry?

— Why do you even come to this house?

— I lived here when a was a kid, they took me in

—Ages ago

—So…We reconnected… I mentioned this on our letters

— It sounded different, This is much more… that Lady Walburga, she seems really taken by you — Severus frowned at that.

— Just as one could be by the son of an old friend — he answered ignoring the implication.

— I just think is odd, what would the two of you talk about —

—Why are you being so nasty?

It had developed from there.

—You don’t like my house, you don’t like my friends and apparently you don’t even like the closest thing that I have to a mother

—I’m sorry, is just a bit difficult at the moment since it seems I’m meeting a whole new person

—That is incredibly unfair, I’ve never lied to you about my situation

—Of course not, you were just… vague …I mean orphan to town owner protégé, is practically the same

—I lived in that house for one minute ten years ago, how is that relevant to our relationship?

—Only in the same way it was relevant enough for you to tell Lily! — Severus was left with nothing to say —. You just threw me into this party full of people that share a history with you, and I’m left finding out that I don’t know you at all.

—Master Severus? — the both turned to find Cormac, the driver —. I am sorry to interrupt…this is the servant’s patio…we are all behind that door — he pointed —. I heard the commotion.

—Everything is fine Cormac, I apologize about the disturbance — he rubbed his forehead mortified —.We better get going.

— You’re going to need me to drive you back to the village? — He opened his mouth to correct that he meant going back to the party.

—Yes please — Evan went ahead —. I Can’t possibly go back there this upset —he said to Severus — Please give them my excuses.

* * *


	9. Chapter 9: Mandrakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —…with Remus is just always been harmony, we stay up until late and talk until early in the morning…—He got lost looking into nothing and Severus got a strange impression.  
> —Do you…Do You like him? — Severus asked unsure, he wasn’t good at picking on these things.  
> —I…—he thought for a second about denying it, but this was something he could no talk with James and certainly not the twins — …not anymore?...or not enough?, I’m no sure, it probably doesn’t make sense —Severus considered him for a while  
> —…No… it makes perfect sense, I don’t know if I’m liking Evan, either anymore or enough right at this moment

* * *

* * *

**Chapter 9: Mandrakes**

— I don’t like him — Poppy said kneading frantically.

Sirius who was hanging out in the kitchens took a sip of his tea, trying to hide his laughter.

He was just finding out about all the drama at their last tea Party.

—Is it true he was his teacher? — one of the maids asked

—What? — Poppy stopped what she was doing to looked at him, waiting for his answer.

—No…— he denied calming her —. He is only a few years older than us, I think he once was helper on a course Severus took or something like that…the teacher thing…we were just teasing

—That is not something to joke about — Poppy said getting back to her cooking.

Sirius remembered Poppy was probably aware of that old incident with Gilderoy Lockhart.

—Taking him out of his party to have a fight — Poppy kept fussing.

—It wasn’t really hiiis party

—Wasn’t it? because the Lady ask me to do all his favorites, maybe she just didn’t tell you about it

—It was his Party — the maids said agreeing.

— What do you think Cormac? you were the one to find them —

—If I’m allowed to say my Lord…I don’t think is right of this sir to put our Master Severus on that position.

—Severus is so private — Poppy stopped, the maids nodding along.

—So very shy — he heard

—He was so embarrassed —another said.

—What was Rosier to do then? If they were having a problem — he asked.

—To endure it, as gentleman — Cormac said getting Sirius to snort.

—Let’s just go Cormac — he said standing up and grabbing a file he had on the table.

—But I haven’t finished — Poppy looked at him with big eyes referring to what she was cooking.

—That is going to take hours — he pleaded

—Don’t you feel bad for him? What is he eating all the way over there? — She followed him with her eyes as he moved towards the door.

—He is a potionist, I’m sure he can mix some soup… I’ll bring something to him some other day — he said just getting out before she could stop him.

He waited for Cormac to bring the carriage around, happy to be free of that situation. He did not want to bring a basket of goodies next to an engagement annulment, there had to be some etiquette about it somewhere.

The rode to the Chateau was long and it gave him a lot of time to think, somehow the whole ordeal made him feel old, like he was closing a chapter…he chuckled thinking maybe this was how divorcees felt.

He was lost on the depts of his mind when they were passed by a man riding a horse. He thought he recognized and stuck his head out of the carriage to see better as the figure got lost in the distance.

—Was that mister Rosier ?—He heard Corman ask him from the front of the carriage.

—I think it was, he looked rather upset, didn’t he?

—I sure hope so —

—Whatever you mean by that? — he asked half laughing

—Master Severus has become very witty, I imagined he must have given him quite the verbal slap to get him to leave in that state.

—You know what? I’m starting to get a bit annoyed at all of you — He said in a tone that made obvious he wasn’t being serious— Severus this, Severus that

—No need to be Jealous my Lord — Cormac answer good naturedly —.We all just glad he is well

Sirius leaned on his sit again.

When they pulled in front of the chateau Sirius got off the carriage and waved at Tom who he could see at the distance working on fixing a fence.

—I won’t take long —he stopped Cormac who was prepared to get off too.

— I would like to speak to Tom for a little while

—I Trust you won’t mention this Rosier incident

— It wouldn’t even occur to me my Lord

—Lord Prince is at the back! —Tom yelled from his spot and Cormac looked at him waiting for his permission. Sirius nodded at him as a response and went on the opposite direction.

—Severus I have the papers! —He yelled going around the house. Severus appeared at the corner and rapidly walked toward him to take the file.

—You shouldn’t be yelling about this — he said looking quickly at the papers inside — I have company.

—Tom won’t know what they are about — he said lightly —. And is just a first draft, you will have to look them over — Severus nodded.

To be honest he had forgotten all about their bonding contract annulment.

—Is Walburga with you? —

—No…

— Good…I’m not in the mood to make excuses

— We ran into Rosier on our way, Are you two still fighting?

—Yes…and how do you know? does she know?

—You were right by the servants lounge…— Severus threw his head back exhausted and started to make his way back into the house

—Does all of the personal of Grimmauld Place know?

—Of course — Sirius said following —. They’ve all chosen sides, Evan´s Side, Master Severus side, and then there are the maids, they say you can’t blame him for worrying about Remus

—Just go, is you’re just going to make fun of me — He said stopping

—Cheer up, Poppy is totally Team Severus

—Oh shut up — he said laughing reluctantly and going inside to leave the documents elsewhere.

Sirius entered and regarded the place.

—This is a mess — he stated

—Now you get why I don’t want your mother here? Wait till you see the plantation — He signaled to follow him out of a side door.

—Is it supposed to look like this? — He asked rising his eyebrowns.

— Of course not!

—I wouldn’t know, maybe potion plants are supposed to look ugly…those look great — he added pointing at some pretty flowers that were a little farther away.

—Evan did those…

* * *

—He kind of has a point

They were sitting on the ground, in front of the ugly plants.

—I never lied to him

—No but somehow everyone here knows you more…is a least worthy of thinking about it

—I don’t think is knowing me more, is just knowing other things about me, other parts of my life, he knows tons of things nobody’s else does, we shared so much

— Besides what is related to both your professions? — Severus wasn’t really sure

—It just feels out of nowhere, I don’t think there was anything to justify that reaction

—Well is was not really about Remus, it was everything together

—I guess…I mean if he was going to be jealous of someone it should be Lily

—We might had gone overboard with the Remus jokes that day

—What do you mean?

—We have this joke about how everyone likes Remus …—he made a vague gesture —. And it is kind of true, so everyone was in on it, he probably took it more seriously

—…Who would have thought, Remus a heartbreaker? — he considered it for a second, discarding it as absurd.

— Is not that exactly, is just the way he is that draws people, he is basically just nice… he listens well, he is honest, loyal —He got a little lost looking nowhere —. He is there for you…

—You seem very fond of him

—Well he is one of my best friends

—So is Potter and you nag about him instead — Severus said laughing

—Is different with James, we get in trouble together, throw things at each other, we tease—he said smiling like he was remembering something—…with Remus is just always been harmony, we stay up until late and talk until early in the morning…—He got lost looking into nothing and Severus got a strange impression.

—Do you…Do You like him? — Severus asked unsure, he wasn’t good at picking on these things.

—I…—he thought for a second about denying it, but this was something he could no talk with James and certainly not the twins — …not anymore?...or not enough?, I’m no sure, it probably doesn’t make sense —Severus considered him for a while

—…No… it makes perfect sense, I don’t know if I’m liking Evan, either anymore or enough right at this moment — They both laughed and there was a comfortable silence between them—. Can you not tell Lily about this? — Sirius frowned at the absurdity

—Why? Is she going to be terribly upset about these awful plants?

—Not that …I mean the situation…she is going to get fixated on Evan not being here, and I have worked so hard for them to get along — Sirius scoffed finding the whole thing a bit to juvenile

—… Fine— he said after a while — You should not have to work hard for your friends to like him though

—Is …is not like that, we are going through a rough patch —

—Well how long is the rough patch going to last? He is supposed to help you get this done

— And I’ll get over it, Lily however will add it to her mental list of his transgressions, I’m sure she has one, she remembers everything

Sirius got up shaking off the dust from his pants.

— Well this still needs a lot of work done before the winter, so I’ll be here back at…eleven?

—What?

—I can be earlier but your two hours away and can start without me

—No …I mean, you are coming tomorrow?

—Sure

—Why?

—Boredom mostly — he said shrugging.

—Your telling me you have nowhere else to hang around? — Severus did not believe it for a second.

—My social life isn’t exactly suffering, but you know how James is been getting quite involved with Lily lately, and Remus…he… well — he left the rest unsaid, but Severus understood.

—Do you even know anything about this?

—As much as you do apparently —Severus scoffed.

—Well, thank you, but I’ll go see Evan later today, we should make peace … I’m sure the help won’t be needed

—Suit yourself —Sirius answered nonchalant.

* * *

Turned out they didn’t see each other later the day, nor the next. It wasn’t until two day later that Severus could trust himself to be calm enough about it all.

—I was very surprised about their weather in a bottle, I couldn’t quite understand it, but I feel like they were being purposely complicated on their explanation — Evan said, talking about some of the twin’s merchandise.

They were eating at the Three Broomsticks.

—Well they can’t go around telling the secrets of their products, is bad for business

—You should ask them about it, I has to be related to potions somehow —Severus nodded along not really interested and finished his meal

—What do you have there? — Evan asked pointing a huge brown package he had on the chair beside him.

—Is an herbology book

—o Which one? Can I see? — He asked reaching for it

—Sure — Evan opened the package and frowned at seeing it

—Why did you buy this?

—To get a sense of what I’m doing, I thought it would help guide me a little

— This is too academical, you’re going to get bored at the introduction only — he said giving it back.

—I wanted something as complete as possible and this book has a whole chapter about Mandrakes

—You’re planting Mandrakes?

—I need them for many potions and not many people work them, I should secure that resource

—Not many people work them because they are very difficult to manages, I wouldn’t get into that if I were you — Severus pursed his lips getting why Lily thought Evan acted superior.

—Well I need them — he stated, his tone final —. And shouldn’t you be helping me with that? instead of putting me down

— Sev, all I’m saying is that you are a potionist, this… is another field of study is no something you just do on the side and Mandrakes…I mean that’s crazy…maybe taking this all at once is too much for you.

Severus opened his mouth to objects just as the waiter got to their table and started taking their plates away.

By the time he left Severus was still fuming but didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

They looked at eat ocher for a while, seemingly at an impasse.

—Tell you what — Evan said surrendering —. I have a book, much thinner than this one and that can actually be helpful, why don’t we go to my room upstairs to get it and there we can’t talk more freely.

The small Room Evan was renting at the Three broomstick was neat and organized, the suitcases were closed and tucked under the window, it looked like the place of someone who was ready to leave.

—Here — Evan said taking out a small book and handing it to him.

—Very thin indeed

—It more concise — he stared at him for a little while —…Is been weird not seeing you these past few days…— he went to caress his face, Severus avoided him.

—Your things are packed — Evan looked behind over his shoulder, where his luggage was.

— Yes…about that ...I have to go to Newquay soon, to settle some things, so I’ll be out of town for a few days—

— What things would you need to settle?

—Documents… for my trip in December, I’ll be going out of England, it takes time, I don’t want to risk it no being ready…ill only be a few days

—When are you going? —he asked resigned.

—On Monday

—Well then, You should come for tea with me at Grimmauld tomorrow — Evan shook his head and stepped away, refusing —.Why not?

—I made a fool of myself there

—All the more reason

— Severus trust me on this, is better I don’t show my face at that place for a while — Severus kept quiet as his frown got deeper — Sev, must you be like this? Isn’t it enough that I came here for you?

—It doesn’t feel like it

* * *

After the talk with Evan, tea at Grimmauld was a quiet affair that Friday.

Severus kept trying to engage but couldn’t quite get in the mood.

—Pardon me, I don’t seem to be very good company this afternoon — He said after the third time being called out for being distracted.

It was such a pity, as this time Sirius and Nymphadora had been invited to join.

Nymphadora cleared her throat

—I believe…after certain situations… it can be difficult to find ones own footing again…—They all looked at her strangely, not following her train of thought —…I think we should get free chances for this, like…twice a year, be able to embarrass oneself in peace

—Nymphadora, what are you talking about? —Walburga asked

—Well Evan Rosier of course…isn’t that… why …Severus is upset? — She looked between them lost.

—Severus didn’t embarrass himself —

—Yes, so I didn’t at the burrow either — Nymphadora said content.

Walburga rolled her eyes and then suddenly clapped remembering something.

—I must ring for pie

—Aunty you gave Winky the afternoon free, right after she brought the tea —Nymphadora said.

—Right…I forgot… Poppy was making something special — she said to Severus — She didn’t want to tell what it was, but would die if you miss it, I’ll go fetch someone — they looked as she stood and got out of the room.

—Well that is my cue— Nymphadora standing up quickly —I’m going out with Padma but couldn’t refuse my first invitation for tea, tell aunty for me — she pleaded Sirius — …it was nice seeing you Severus— she turned to him before excusing herself.

—That was better — Severus said— she hated me for a while.

—She is in a different mood every week, she might hate again by monday — Sirius said aloof.

Severus regarded him for a moment and drummed his fingers together

—So I wanted to ask you, about that offer of yours… — that got him a confused look — about helping me with the plants

—Why? You didn’t make peace?

—No need for that, is only if your offer is still on the table — he answered annoyed.

—I was only asking — Sirius raised his eyebrows at Severus getting so easily irritated —…So…What are we planting?

—Mandrakes —

* * *

* * *


	10. Chapter 10: Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —. I want you to feel love, real one, the kind that makes you laugh and cry…
> 
> ////
> 
> —You think you can do whatever you want don’t you! — 
> 
> ////  
> —No need to sound old, I think you have plenty of time with Sirius still  
> —Do I? —

* * *

* * *

**Chapter 10: Pieces**

—You need to dig deeper — Severus was watching him work from a little distance, leaning on a rake.

— If you just let me try — Sirius said impatiently.

—The lazy works twice

—What? — He turned from his place kneeling on the ground.

—Is a saying

—From London? — He mocked before finishing to put on the stake for it to fall right away. He grunted frustrated.

—Told you

—You are so annoying!

The both heard a laugh and looked up to find Tom looking at them from the roof.

—See Tom agrees with me — Sirius pointed.

— I don’t think he agrees with any of us — he said bummed.

* * *

—They are doing what? — Madame Rosmerta asked with a half dry cup still in her hand.

—Making a greenhouse apparently, they are planting all over the place…well trying to, is quite funny.

— But I thought he knew about that staff.

—Some things he knows, he has aconite, wiggentree…a bunch of plants I don’t recognize, I get that he knows how to plant the simpler staff.

—And what is Lord Black doing?

— A mess — he said starting to laugh.

They both looked up when the bell hanging above the door rang announcing a new client.

—Speak of the devil — Madame Rosmerta whispered smiling —. Lord Prince — she then greeted —. I have correspondence for you.

Severus approached to take the letter, thank them quickly and left.

Tom was able to see that the envelope was from Evan Rosier.

—How is that going? I thought he had left — he asked Madame Rosmerta

—He is still paying for the room, not only luggage storage

—That’s odd

—No at all, is rather well suited for a man that is not sure where he wants to be

* * *

Severus gave the letter a swiftly one over at the front porch of the three broomsticks before making his way to Lily´s house.

Katie let him in but didn’t even looked at him before going back inside. He closed the door and followed her.

—Is Lily home? — Katie just pointed to another room. Severus went ahead and found Lily inspecting some dresses.

—I thought I heard the door—she said looking at him briefly — …you got another letter? — he still had the envelope in his hand. Severus nodded as an answer and put the letter on his pocket.

Lily pursed her lips noticing and kept on with what she was doing.

They already had some heated conversations about this new development, with Evan coming and going.

He was aware that it was strange, you don’t agree to live together to then skip town, whatever the reasons…he knew, it was his relationship after all, but also he needed some space to process it on his own.

The letters, even though they had served to relieve his heart, had become a pattern, they would write to each other and everything was perfect, to then meet and find something new to fight about.

—Are we down to a few choices? — he asked referring to the dresses.

—Me? Weeks ago — she waved her hand at him, as if the sole idea were just silly —. I’m thinking of something for Nymphadora, she asked for my help, wants to make an impression

They were a few days away from James Potter 25th birthday, and it was to be a huge event…Severus would rather miss it.

—Potter didn’t seem very excited

— He finds it exhausting — Severus had asked Sirius about it, seeing Potter somber demeanor when giving invitation he would have thought they were going to a funeral. It results that his party coul never seem to be free from some shocking incident—. Is unavoidable really, with so many people, someone is bound to have too much to drink.

—Why does he throw it then?

—His grandfather allows him many liberties, but some things he just has to do…and this is one of them, he must keep connections if he is to be Baron.

Severus left himself fall in one of the couches already dreading this upcoming party. When invited he had about two seconds to start considering scape strategies before Potter had turned to him asking for confirmation, his surprise had been curt short when Potter told him he was going to introduce Lily as his intended, so Severus had promised to be there right away.

—It can’t be that bad, Sirius says they always manage to have some fun

—That’s because he enjoys a bit of scandal, is harder when you are the host —She said pointedly —. And anyway, that’s why we are having this other party on the low, so James can invite whoever he wants to.

—Evan is coming for that, I’m hoping he makes it into this exclusive list

—Oh my, I’m surprise he can spare the time— Lily muttered.

—Lily…—He started

— Why do you keep torturing yourself like this? —Lily turned to him frustrated —. You are clearly unhappy with him.

— I just don’t want to give up in a moment of anger and then regret it.

—You are being way to reasonable about this — that got him laughing.

—Then should I be unreasonable? — Lily had to smile at that —. What is so bad about Evan? I know we are not the best right now but he…he is smart, and driven and has many good qualities.

—I know…I know I probably don’t know him like you do, but the thing is that when you talk about him all I hear is what one would say about a colleague, he is a good worker, he is very organized, he has ambition … you never say anything about how he is with you.

—You know I’m private.

—You are not this private, not with me — they looked at each other in silence —. Now that I have James…— Severus started to turn away at the comparison —. I want you to feel love, real one, the kind that makes you laugh and cry…instead you trapped yourself in this half excuse of a relationship.

—You don’t kno— Lily didn’t let him finish

—But I do know, Severus I may not know Evan but I know you, and even when is going this wrong…I don’t think you’re that sad about it.

* * *

The day of the celebration Potter Manor was full of noise…just as he remembered it, but then, Severus only visit here had been more than ten years ago, for Christmas, and that also had been a party.

The high ceilings of Potter manor had been decorated with had golden decorating ribbons hanging from them.

He smiled for himself, of course they would go with golden…

Severus looked at the man that was talking to him, bored.

He threw a side glance to Lily, who was just a little farther away. She was surrounded by ladies. Severus from his spot could still overhear snips of their conversation.

—When I heard you were working class, I couldn’t believe it — the comment was said without malice, but it was quite prejudiced still.

—Yes, I work with class, if that is what you mean — that got a bunch of laughs out of Lily´s young companions.

And really, he needn’t worry about Lily, who was more than capable of holding her own, it was him the one that required some rescue.

Severus nodded pretending to listen as the man kept going on about turtles, he feared that after this experience he would have to revaluate his self-perception, has he considered himself a calm person but was about to explode.

— And the Diamonback Terrapin…

— I know that one — he perked up.

—You do?

—Yes, I use their nails for potions — he said with a bit of mischief and saw how the man´s face started to distort.

—Frank! —Sirius appeared out of nowhere and cheerfully patted the man’s back —. You won’t believe this, this lovely lady here, Alice—he introduced her—. Was just telling me about her family´s aquarium that specializes in turtles and I just thought “She has to meet Frank”— The couple started to talk excitedly— . And Severus if you would, I must talk to you about something …— he said taking his elbow to drag him away.

—What is it?

—Besides stopping you from killing Frank Longbottom? — He took two glasses from a passing waiter and handed one to Severus —. Drink up

—Thank you, I’m sorry to say this isn’t my kind of scene

—Just ignore everyone… and i´ll say you’re a little short minded, so they don’t think your not polite —Severus gave him a nasty look that got Sirius smiling.

—You know …— he started, remembering —. I had the most interesting conversation with your mother …

—Really? — Sirius said looking the other way

—She told me you stole Grimmaulds gardeners’ tools — He saw Sirius shoulder shaking, clearly from him laughing —. And when confronted you told her I made you do it — That made Sirius explode with laughter —. Of course she didn’t believe that…also, you didn’t tell her you were helping me?

—First, I borrowed the tools, and I already gave them back, and secondly, I didn’t tell her because she meddles too much, I need to just keep her a little away from time to time

—But that was such a short lie, I see her once a week

—Is the thought that counts — Severus snorted with laughter at the ridiculousness.

He looked in front of them to see a black-haired woman coming their way.

—Isn’t that your cousin? — He saw Sirius rolled his eyes as she reached them.

—Is it true what a just heard? — she started aggressively. Not greeting nor pretense of politeness.

—I would not know Bellatrix, have you checked your ears lately? —Sirius answer was just as rude, with him taking a sip of his drink and looking anywhere but at his cousin.

—You think you can do whatever you want don’t you! — she raised her hand and gave him a harsh push, it almost didn’t move him but all together was enough to make people look at them.

—Are you drunk? — Sirius asked frowning.

—I think we should call someone for her — Severus whispered quickly.

—You are so spoiled! — She continued.

—That is rich coming from you — Sirius answered not missing a bit and Severus saw Walburga coming near them.

—Bella you are making a scene — she tried in a discreet tone.

—I’m making a scene?! What about them?!—Bellatrix said pointing at them, even more upset. She then lost fuel as she spotted someone on the crowd—. Remus!

Severus saw that Remus and Nymphadora were a little behind Walburga, the last said something to them, Severus couldn’t hear what it was, but they turned to walk away.

—Remus! —Bellatrix said again and took one step in their direction, before someone was finally in front of her, grabbing her by the arms and taking her away.

—Whatever was that about? — he asked bewildered

—Just another Potter party…— Sirius said humorlessly before hurrying his drink.

* * *

That night Severus tossed around on his bed on Potter manor, unable to settle.

Walburga had explained that Bellatrix outburst had been related to finding out about the engagement.

—She doesn’t know is not happening anymore, she just heard the first of it and went on a rage, don’t pay her any mind —

—I bet she doesn’t think is proper or something of the like — Nymphadora said upset.

—I must ask you to forgive her…It was really not about you — Walburga seemed sad when she said this —. And Remember that lecture you gave us about embarrassing oneself? — she asked Nymphadora —. Let’s be kind to your cousin and apply it.

Nymphdora has scoffed at that, irrationally offended, and walked off. The whole thing had been strange, he thought remembering.

Tossing around again and finally, not being able to take it anymore, he got off the bed. He had seen a terrace at the end of the hall, maybe a little stroll and fresh air would help tire him a bit.

He walked out straight to the railing and leaned on them looking at the landscape.

—Couldn’t sleep? — he jumped startled. There, with his back against the wall and his legs on the side rock railing was Remus.

—I’m still a little riled up — he confessed —. I thought you guys were being dramatic, I wasn’t expecting to be part of such a scene

—Take it as a rite of passing

—What about you? Why are you still up? —Remus looked at him strangely.

—…I’m just thinking about some things… it went well for James and Lily today, is odd for me to adapt to my friends getting settled.

—No need to sound old, I think you have plenty of time with Sirius still

—Do I? — his stare questioning —. Hmmm…I’ve been wanting to ask you something

—Shoot

— Why would you go by Snape? …I mean we never talked much about your father, but I do remember he was out of the picture.

—I thought it would be safer — he said shrugging —. And then a just went on with it — Remus nodded.

— That is so practical…I wish I could be like that — he then changed his posture swinging his legs inside the balcony, when he stood up, unstably, Severus noticed he was probably tipsy with alcohol.

Remus took a few steps closer and went to touch his shoulder but ended up leaning on him.

—You just make the hard decisions and move on, I admire that… — he went silence after that and looked at him in a way that made Severus think he was going to kiss him.

Severus shook his head and that preposterous idea, taking a step away. He then saw Potter and Sirius coming down the hallway.

—Here you are — Potter said looking between them —. I was fearing you had fallen out your window, Sirius would you take him to his room? — Sirius immediately put his arms around him and started to guide him inside.

—It was that last fire whisky —Remus muttered

—Really? I would rather think it was the ten you had before that — He heard Sirius answered him.

Potter looked at them two as they walked away.

Clearly there was something going on, for them to be looking for Remus at four in the morning. He considered Potter attitude.

—Are you alright? — He asked, knowing now that he was missing a piece, Potter looked surprise, as if he had taken him out of deep thoughts.

—Yes …—the smile he gave him didn’t reach his eyes— Good night Severus — he said before walking off.

* * *

* * *


	11. Chapter 11: By the Mill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —Where did he sleep? — One of the maids asked and several gasp could be heard —.What? They have been engaged for like ten years.  
> —They are not engaged anymore, and he just passed out drunk, like James or Remus many times before — Kreatcher cleared.  
> —Yes but in what room?

* * *

* * *

* * *

**Chapter 11: By the Mill**

Severus yawned as he looked at the people at the entrance hall. They invitees that spend the night at Potter manor were all waiting as their carriages were brought.

Severus hanged his head low trying to shake his drowsiness away when a bundle of cloth appeared on his line of sight. He Looked up to find that it was Sirius who was offering him the strange mass.

—What is this? — he gave him suspicious eyes.

—One of James coats

—Am I to be blame for another robbery? — he asked taking it.

—Now that’s an idea —Sirius said ironically—. But no, the morning is a little chilly

He noticed how Sirius himself was dressed in a heavier jacket. Severus owned warmer garments, but all of them were too casual for this kind of event.

—What are you two whispering about? — Walburga asked from her spot, just a little on the side where she and Nymphadora were standing.

—Sirius´s stealing problem — he answered making her chuckle.

—I can take it back…— Sirius threatened.

—Put it on before he does that, he is that petty — Potter said walking up to them with Lily by his side.

—Lily! I didn’t expect to see you up — Severus beamed at her as he started to put on the coat.

Lily was invited to spend the day Potter and his Grand Parents, he figured she would use the extra time to get some sleep.

—I’m seeing the guests off with the family, the baron said it was important — she pouted before kissing Severus´s cheek.

—I don’t see the Lestranges …—Walburga commented looking around.

—They left very early in the morning — Nymphadora said in a toneless voice that made Walburga and Sirius turn to give her a look.

Severus swallowed, feeling a little uncomfortable

—How is Remus feeling? He seemed little sick last night— he asked diverting the subject.

—He was? When? — Nymphadora asked looking at him. He opened his mouth but felt Sirius touch his back, with intention, he understood that he didn’t want him to talk about the state he had seen Remus in. Since he was standing close the others couldn’t see the gesture.

—After the party — he answered in the safest way possible.

—Many were sick last night, ill make sure to serve softer drinks next year — Potter said with good humor.

—The Black´s carriage has arrived — he heard someone announced, discontinuing their conversation. As they walked towards it, he mouthed at Sirius _what was that?_. Sirius just shook his head.

* * *

—We should take some Loonar loop Luminators — Potter said a he was taking notes of what they needed from the Twins shop for the Mill party.

Just as Lily said, they were having another one, and now Severus could understand the Baron interference, because looking at this organization, if Potter had his way his birthday would be an entirely different event.

—What about silver sparkling snakes? — The twin that assured him was Fred came holding some strangely thin packages.

— hmmm — Sirius was doubting —

—is October… and those are more Halloweeny — George supplied.

—Yeah, you’re right — he agreed.

Severus followed with his eyes how Evan was looking through the shelves full of merchandise in the background, disconnected from the rest of the group.

—Is Remus coming? —Severus asked, thinking of the altogether strangeness of that night at Potter Manor.

—Of course! — Fred said cheerfully.

Severus looked at Potter who was busy counting and then at Sirius, who was suddenly giving him a questioning look.

He Caught movement out of the corner of his eyes and saw Evan moving to grab a yoyo that was lying around.

—Nonono —Sirius managed to say before Evan played it and an annoying shriek penetrated their ears.

—Jeez — he said dropping it. Severus covered his mouth trying to stop himself from laughing but could not catch it fast enough. Lily looked at him reproachingly and his eyes found Sirius again, who was sharing his laugh this time.

—Why would you even invent something like that? — Evan asked Perplexed. The twins just shrugged.

—Not every product can be a Mona Lisa— One said Just as the bell hang at the door ringed.

—Is Closed ! — The twins yelled without looking up

—Even for your mother? —Molly Weasley came in smiling widely.

—Oh hey ma, I didn’t see you there — she came close and kissed both their cheeks

—How Is your secret party coming along?

—Really mother? —They complained.

—Oh everyone knows — she dismissed and started to say her hellos to the others —. Severus, how you been doing with that horse? — Severus frowned at her, confused, and saw over her shoulder how Lily turned to look at him intrigued.

—amm is at Grimmauld still— Sirius intervened speaking quickly—. You know since Severus doesn’t have stables— he threw him a look as if he should be following along.

—What are you talking about? — he asked him, completely lost.

—That beautiful Friesian horse of course—Molly explained smiling.

Severus did Remember the gorgeous animal, entirely black, curly hair… he wanted it, but it had turned out to be too expensive for him to buy.

He got a little nervous not really understanding.

—Oh but…we explained…— he hesitated with his eyes going to Evan Quickly —. We turned down that gift — he said as vaguely as possible.

—O yes honey, but Walburga came back and bought it for you, well she said it was a gift from Sirius— At this Sirius covered half his face, jaded.

—We hadn’t told Severus yet — he said in a pained tone.

—Oh I’m so sorry — she put her hand in her mouth —. She didn’t mention it was a surprise.

—Yes! A surprise…for his birthday…— Sirius said and Severus could see he was scraping to find an explanation, he himself was in no hurry to get involved in that.

—Is important this year…for all the missed ones— Potter added and Severus saw him getting shy with his intervention as Lily turned to stare at him.

—That is four months away — he heard Evan said beside him.

— Lucky you! — One of the twins gave him a pat on the shoulder —. That horse was a huge success on our exhibition, someone might have taken it away if you didn’t secure it now.

—That is so thoughtful of them, you’re going to have to build a stable soon, it was about time you stopped walking everywhere — Lily kept on talking about he would end without feet at this pace and made some other jokes diverting the attention. He was so thankful of her at moments like this.

The conversation easily went on without him having to intervene anymore.

—You’re going to turn it down right? — He heard Evan whisper in his ear.

After the fact, he considered, that to be quite honest he would had probably turned it down, had Evan kept out of it. Also taking on Sirius reaction at Molly´s slip up, the horse was probably not really meant for him. But after Evan entitled question, that was more of a demand, a childish defiance had taken possession of him.

And Evans reaction at his refusal had been just as petulant.

—Make what you will of it, its not your decision

— Am I not to have any say on your life?

—Of course, just as much as I do on yours, which at present is none

—You have every say, I’m only here because of you?

—Are you really? Because you’re hardly ever here, and most of the time you’re only willing to be anywhere near me if there is more people involved, the only reason you could spare a moment to visit me now is because of this damn party.

So Evan Had told him where he could shove his damn party.

* * *

Severus was sitting at the park, lost in thoughts. He looked up and saw Sirius coming over, he gave a tired sign wanting to be alone.

—What? — he had walked off after the discussion, no having the courage to go inside the twins shop again.

—I just got a scolding over the horse thing

—Did they all hear it? — he asked referring to his and Evan´s discussion, Sirius nodded.

—I’m sorry about that …It was a thing between me and my mother, sort of a… flexing we do from time to time…also I didn’t want my cousin Bellatrix to buy it…— he said in a way that suggested the list of reasons could still go on.

—You know…—he started—. That is the worst apology I ever heard, and since this is the third time something related to your cousin gets me in trouble, I think I deserve some explanation…

—If you are referring at what happened at the party, that wasn’t about you

—So your mother said but I think I’m steps away from getting kicks under the table about it so it might be better if you just tell me —Sirius took a deep breath.

—Alright — he said finally, sitting beside him —. So…the first thing you should know is that Bellatrix spectacle the other day, was about Remus…what I gathered is that she was upset…because she thought I, a Black heir, got to marry whoever i wanted while she didn’t …

—I’m not following…

—Bellatrix and Remus had an understanding for a while…until she dropped him for a more advantageous match, the sad thing is…we all thought she was just frivolous and didn’t care for him but given what we saw it seems she regrets it.

—Was she coerced? by her family…

—No… she made her choice, I guess she wanted more riches in the end.

Severus remembered finding Remus in the Balcony that night and understood. He had forgotten for a while, how many of this families played that game.

—I’m getting that he still has feelings for her?

—He won’t talk about it that explicitly, but yes, I think he does

—And what about you?

—What about me? — Sirius looked at him, postured very still, standing his ground on the matter, after a little Severus just looked away accepting to drop it — About all this, You can’t tell anyone

—Who would I tell? —

—I wouldn’t know…Evan? — he said Shrugging.

—I don’t talk to Evan about those kinds of things… — he laughed and didn’t saw the look Sirius gave him at that comment.

—…Lily told me to remind you her Father is coming, I think she is a little worried about him getting wind of yours and Rosier´s situation

Severus groaned at that.

—The Evans aren’t too kin on him?

—They don’t know him, I failed to mention him the last time I was in London…rather purposefully—Severus put on an apologetic expression —. I didn’t mean anything by it, but I wanted to tell Lily first, which was already difficult enough…and now I’m afraid all they know is through her eyes which…well…you know…

—I don’t think her eyes are distorting much really

—Not you too…

—Yes, because I already had to hear all kind of complains about him, even from my mother —Severus looked despaired at hearing that —. You ought to get a bit of it at least… I have nothing to do with it.

—You know, sometimes I forget how much of an ass you are — Sirius just laughed at him—. And then you remind me, just at the right time

—Come one — he said standing up —. Stop fussing, let’s go pick the new tools

* * *

Severus was looking at his Glass of Gigglewater.

—I seem to only like what I cannot have — Nymphadora said looking at Remus who was sitting a little farther away, chatting with Penelope Clearwater.

—Yes — Lily said strongly —. What is up with that?

— Aren’t you supposed to console me?

—I rather help you, did you know Molly is obsess with you?

It had been hours since the beginning of the party and their conversation had long gone sidetracked…alcohol tended to do that.

—Hear that? That’s a least five different new choices — James encouraged her.

—hmmm —Nymphadora pouted flirtatiously.

—Well let’s not consider the twins, there a bit much — Lily added.

—I agree — Was Severus curt intervention has he took a sip of his drink.

—I’m surprised, I wasn’t on my best behavior the last time I went to the burrow — Nymphadora said awkwardly.

—oh you were allowed that — Lily said looking at Sirius and Severus —. And you made such a lasting impression way before, she loves the amm… what is it call? — she touched her nose and her hair.

— That I’m a metamorphmagus?

—Yes, that!

—Aunty Walburga hates that

—Well, we love it — James stated rising his glass for a toast.

—What do we love? — Remus said getting to their side.

—Nymphadora´s hair…and nose…what she does with it —James said not making much sense.

—I thought you were courting Lily?— Remus whispered loudly, as a joke, making Nymphadora giggle.

—He means this — she said changing her hair color to purple.

—Yes!! — Lily started clapping excited as Remus looked in awe.

Just then the twins came By.

—So Rosier is a no show?— one of them asked, Severus only nodded with a tight smile —. He got a little pressed about that Horse thingy didn’t he?

—Oh yes, What was that? — James asked Sirius —. I tried to throw you a hand but really you gave me no warning.

—I didn’t think it would cause such trouble — Sirius explained. Severus frowned making an effort to remember over the fog of the alcohol if he and Sirius ever gotten to actually talk about the horse.

—Sirius what is with you? your making less sense every day — he heard Potter complaining and tried to recall what Sirius could have done to gain that critizicim.

—True that — Severus added remembering —he wanted us to put forks on one of the gardens yesterday.

—Why? — Was Remus question.

—So the bugs don’t eat the plants — Sirius said as if it was obvious.

—That’s sounds actually pretty smart — Lily said surprised.

—Well he didn’t say that to me when I asked

—I don’t have to justify my genius to you

—Im sorry? What is this about the horse and the trouble? — Nymphadora said and Severus heard someone explaining it to her.

— So about Rosier, is it not going well? —Fred asked. Severus opened his mouth ready to make excuses but found himself out of them. He took a deep breath and let it out.

—Somehow, we are better on our letters.

His answer got him a collective grunting from the group.

—That can be romantic — Remus offered out of sympathy

—Let’s all…—George said putting his hands up —. Not take romantic advice from Remus…just for a while— James slapped him on the chest.

—Ow!

—Stop it — James admonish him.

Severus laughed quietly to himself. He could understand now that this bantering was about Remus failed romance with Bellatrix.

—I have a theory! — Nymphadora put her hand up getting him out of his thoughts —. You were honeymooning

—What? —was almost everyone’s reaction

—Nymphadora We shouldn’t be giving our opinion — Sirius started

—So you have one? —James asked

—Sure i do…I don’t DISlike him

—What a wonderful recommendation — Lily said sarcastically.

—shhh — Severus silenced them —.What is this thing about honeymooning?

—Well we were talking once with Sirius, Remus and Aunty, how one shouldn’t get married on the honeymoon phase…

—Yes, and?

—Well you guys used to travel a lot, so is as if your relationship was always on vacation, that’s easy, no wonder is not working now, you never had to put on the hard work before

—So I should work harder?

—Maybe…or maybe you were never good together to begin with

He hurried his drink thinking of that, and then another, and another.

At some point he was stuck leaning on Lily, lamenting on how they would probably break up and then he found himself staring at the mill building.

—O James! —One twin hugged him from behind, poorly, hanging from his shoulders — doesn’t it bring memories? — he asked dreamily.

—Of you guys making my life difficult — he said grumpily making them giggle.

—Are you going all baron on me? —

—Are you going to ask us to be proper now? — he heard as the twins kept teasing.

—What are you thinking about? — A voice asked beside him, he wasn’t sure who exactly was but pointed at the big wheel in answer.

—It does inspire to run inside of it — Severus said.

—Right? he understands — the twins said enthusiastically.

—Now come on — Lily took him by the shoulders and away from his mill contemplation —. Let’s lay down before you decide to try on the Hamster lifestyle — Right then he saw a shiny snake passing them by and that was his cue, that he had drank too much.

* * *

Severus heard the door and the sound of someone inside his room before the curtains were opened. He brought up his hand trying to hide from the light. It took him a while to take notice of his surroundings.

—Lady Walburga is waiting for you to have breakfast together —There was Kreatcher standing at the foot of the bed.

Severus who had been belly down incorporated a little, startled and confused, all at the same time. He was on top of the bed, fully dressed, same as Sirius beside him.

—What time is it? — Sirius asked rubbing his face.

—Time for breakfast — Was the answer he got.

—What is she taking revenge for now? She knows we were at the mill Party last night — Sirius twirled on the bed, dead weight.

—I think the presence of Master Severus is too much of a novelty for her to pass — Sirius turned his head to looked at him and then made a weird expression, as if he couldn’t understand what he was doing there.

—Can you go? So I don’t have to go for breakfast —

—Master Sirius ! — Was the reprimand he got from Kreatcher.

—I’m joking, I’m joking — he started to defend himself.

* * *

—He is getting scolded?

—No, nothing like that

The servants were having tea on their lounge.

—Where did he sleep? — One of the maids asked and several gasp could be heard —.What? They have been engaged for like ten years.

—They are not engaged anymore, and he just passed out drunk, like James or Remus many times before — Kreatcher cleared.

—Yes but in what room?

They all quieted down when Sirius entered the salon. He stopped surprised.

—What? Am I not the be part of the gossip this time?

—They are gossiping about you — Poppy said looking at them dirty and putting a hand on her waist.

—Really? Whatever for? I have not done anything interesting recently

—Master Severus stayed last night— One of the maids said before Poppy slapped her with a cloth. Sirius looked at them confused for a second before understanding. He broke out laughing.

—You guys sure are bored, Cormac can you get the carriage ready? Mother is making me take Severus back to the Chateau.

—Sure my Lord, right away.

Sirius´s smile faded as soon as he was out of their sight. Outside of the room he had to stop a little to regain his senses.

—I can’t believe you told him that? —He heard as the maid was being berated.

—If you must know, they were both properly dress and on top of the covers this morning — said Kreatcher´s voice.

—How boring… — Was the last thing Sirius heard before going on his way

* * *


	12. Chapter 12: Wisteria Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —. So there is no hope for you and Severus? —he asked after they had separated.  
> —Papa — she reprimanded —. You didn’t want that to happen  
> —I must confess I now have expectations, who could take my dear Lily´s place 
> 
> …..
> 
> Severus was left alone looking at “S&S” carved on the wood.

* * *

* * *

* * *

**Chapter 12: Wisteria Tree**

—I don’t Understand — Remus said putting on his globes —. You managed all this by yourselves, why would you need our help now?

—Because we are dumb alright —Sirius said exhausted —. We were not supposed to plant them this close to the house, they get shadow at almost every hour, and now we have to moved them and they are going to cry

— They Didn’t cry when you first put them there? —James was looking at him setting the equipment with distrustful eyes.

—No because they were on their little potato state, why am I explaining this to you?

—You are being really mean for someone who needs a favor, and I just came because you promised me I would see crying plants, you have yet to deliver.

—You can see them crying up close while you help move them — Severus passed beside him and just push a pair of gloves against his chest.

—How did Lily get out of this again? —Potter asked taking the gloves.

—She is next town, Picking up Mr Evans —

—It sounds incredibly convenient—

—Well then ask her to take you next time, she is like a psyquic for these things — Severus´s tone was bored when answering, clearly tired of his complains.

—Hey I saw the little forks! — One of the twins came running after exploring the property.

—They are so fancy — the other supplied.

— I took one of my Mothers sets —Sirius told them giving a devilish smile.

—You didn’t…—Severus said

— I’m waiting for her to notice so I can tell her where I put them —

—Let’s get this over with — Potter interrupted wanting to move this along.

—So, there’s twelve, we already dug all the new holes over there — Severus pointed to another garden—. Remus is going to remove the sand here to dig the Mandrakes to surface I take them out, Sirius and Fred have to do the reverse process on the new patch, Potter and George will carry them.

—I’m Fred! — one twin said putting his hand up.

—O no, I’m not playing that today, you’re carrying the crying plants — the one that seemed to be really Fred said, taking a little shovel.

—Pleeeease no matter how hard they cry, don’t drop them — Severus pleaded as everyone got into position.

It was crazy.

* * *

Lily was laughing as she made her way around the couch to go sit with James. Mr Evans was by the chimney, also listening to the story.

—You didn’t ask them before?

—It only occurred to me later, and they sat there just laughing at us.

After the whole madness that had been moving the mandrakes James sweating and exhausted had asked why they couldn’t do it one by one calmly, instead of rushing one after the other, imagining the answer would be some intricated plant reason, instead Sirius had said “I just told Severus that would be fun”

—I thought you were on it — Lily and her Father exchanged incredulous looks.

— He only asked me when I was going to Plymouth to pick up Papa, it was so innocent, how could I imagine he was planning such a thing

— It’s so unlike him — Mr Evan commented.

—Well he is been hanging out with Sirius too much — Lily frowned at that —. They were giggling like high schoolers…

—How much?

—What? The giggling? — he asked confused

—How often does Sirius help him?

—o…I don’t know, every other day?

—Is it every day?

—I’m not sure…Why? — She shrugged not wanting to plant any ideas.

—I expected Severus to be here — Mr Evan interrupted.

—Papa please don’t be difficult, he is just as eager to see you, but he is already behind with the chateau

—How can that be possible when you came in after him and your shop is still going to be ready as schedule

—My shop is scheduled to open in march, Severus needs to finish his harvesting by December let alone do the house at the same time so he can live in it through the winter… and you can’t hurry plants, don’t be unreasonable

—hmmm — he looked away defeated —. When are we going to this chateau? — he asked making Lily sign.

After some talking and social planning for the next few days it was time for James to say his goodbyes, leaving alone only Mr Evan and Lily.

She closed the door and leaned on it looking at her Father.

—So…what do you think?

—I like him very much — He admitted and Lily squall and hugged him—. So there is no hope for you and Severus? —he asked after they had separated.

—Papa — she reprimanded —. You didn’t want that to happen

—Years ago, when you were but children, but now…

—I’m sorry… but me and Severus are just both very obedient, so we ought to never be together— he just laughed accepting her response

—Well…you change the one who is like a son for a future Baron… I guess he would have to do — he said with humor —. And what about this Mr Rosier? You only wrote to me the basics of the operation and nothing of substance —Lily smiled. She had, in favor of Severus, been very vague on her descriptions of Evan.

—He is out of town right now, we shall make plans together when possible — she answered expecting that it wouldn’t in fact be possible, as she couldn’t imagine it going well.

—I must confess I now have expectations, who could take my dear Lily´s place — it was said with not real intention but Lily thought it probably still betrayed her father´s real thoughts on the matter—. Now in another topic, I have to tell you about your sister´s last indiscretion …

* * *

Severus and Sirius were laying on the grass with the sun hitting their faces.

—I will tell everyone we spend our day working — Sirius announced out of nowhere.

—You can tell them the truth, a gentleman isn’t supposed to work anyway

They had gotten a huge advantage by recruiting the others on the mandrake´s moving labor, as such they were now taking a little rest.

—You sound like Cormac

—Does he complain about your impropriety Lord Black? — he teased.

—Laugh about it, he would soon start with you too

—I’m not a Lord — he dismissed gaining himself a weird look from Sirius —. Not like that, not for real — he cleared.

—oh! Are you a fantasy Lord? —he mocked

—You know what I mean, I don’t even go by that, I think the only one to use my title outside of Godric was my potion´s Master — Severus said remembering Master Slughorn, who being a Lord himself had seemed incredibly offended at his idea of dropping the title.

—That’s one thing that I don’t understand — Sirius changing his position to incorporate a little—. Remus was blabbering about this the other day, how you went by Snape and that was supposedly brave… what did you tell him? —Severus frowned trying to remember.

—Was this blabbering after Potter´s Birthday? When we were on the balcony?

—Yes, he was going on about how you did it as it was nothing…it was a very circular argument, he was quite drunk but…you left him affected, you probably don’t know this but he considered taking the Black´s name…it was something Bellatrix was asking of him

—o…— Severus said in sudden understanding—. I hope he forgets about it, I really didn’t tell him much, just that I went by Snape out of convenience…he shouldn’t take in much consideration the choices that I made at fourteen…

—Are you even in contact with Tobias Snape anymore? To be using his name I mean, I assumed there must have been some kind of reconciliation…but you haven’t mentioned him, so I doubt it

—…We are not…in contact per se…I visited him I few times

—mmm…— Sirius stared at him —. What an unsatisfying response…

—Look…— he hesitated a little, unwilling to get too much into the subject —. From my encounters with him it just seemed much more likely that I would have trouble going around as Lord prince than Snape´s son.

—You never know, he might seek you out, when he is older perhaps and in need of someone to take care of him — Severus gave a long sign.

—…he has…remarried and…has another son to worry about now

—o…I’m sorry…—

—You know he…was never rude or mean with me when I went to see him, just polite, but somehow that was worse — like he was some kind of imposition —. I was able to stand it three times before I stopped going all together, even thought I was in London every so often to see the Evans…

—How old is the kid?

—He must be seven by now— he said shrugging, he really wasn’t sure—. I was offered to meet him the last time, but I just excused myself saying I had to leave…I know it was low of me but…

—You don’t always have to be the bigger person

—O no Sirius, what would Ms McGonagall say? — he joked getting Sirius to smile.

Severus began to stand up.

—Break is over already? —

—Stay there if you want, I’m going to look for a guide on planting Evan lend me, I lost it somewhere in the house, I’ll be back in a minute— Sirius nodded and leaned back enjoying the sun.

Severus got into the Chateau and started to move thing around looking for the book, as he ought to at least look at it before Evan deign to visit him again.

In all honesty, he was being quite petty about it and had not used Evan´s book out of spite, preferring to burn his eyelashes through the one he had bought on his own.

This wasn’t new between them, the debates or difference of opinions when it came to their work, until now though it had always been so theoretical, them discussing some new way of brewing, medicinal uses for plant etc, this was different…personal, with Evan implying that the scrawny notebook was all he could manage.

Remembering Evan´s condescension and his lack of help he suddenly stopped noticing how he was now tossing things around, upset.

He paused to take a deep breath and then saw the little thing getting lost behind a couch pillow.

—There you are — he muttered to himself going to get it.

He opened it to look at the pages noticing how it consisted of short numbered paragraphs, _just steps,_ he thought.

—… Nothing about mandrakes… — he said out loud.

Severus slammed the book shut and considered their situation. Maybe this was just a new step for them, being competitive, other couples did it, who rode faster, shot more ducks…

He clicked his tongue not liking the idea.

When he went back outside Sirius wasn’t where he had left him, but a bit farther up the hill, standing by the purple tree.

Severus loved that tree, it was his favorite thing when he first visited the chateau, back when his mother was still alive, it made it seem all more magical.

He walked up to Sirius intending to show him the book.

—I always wondered about this one — he commented looking at its twisted shape—. I thought it was a magical plant for a long while, but I’ve never found anything about it on my books

— is a Wisteria…is none magical

—How do you know that? — he said giving him a distrustful look.

— I was a curious child once too — Sirius answered rolling his eyes —. Evan didn’t know?

—mmm…I forgot I could had asked him… Got tired of the sun? — he inquired thinking that was the reason Sirius was standing under the tree. Sirius squatted down and pointed at something.

Severus frowned and went to look at what he was showing him. There was a rough engraving on the tree trunk.

—I don’t remember this…—looking at the writing, it seemed rather cute and far distant from the relationship they had as children. 

Sirius got a lost look on his face and rested his head on his hand, smiling.

—We weren’t always fighting — Sirius seemed about to say something more when they heard horses coming down the road —. That must be Cormac

—Is that late?

—Seems so — Sirius got up and shook the dust out of his pants —. I´ll go get my things — he said taking off in direction to the house and Severus was left alone looking at “S&S” carved on the wood.

—Hurry up! — he heard Sirius yelling at him.

* * *


	13. Chapter 13: Sonet 116

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In memory of Eileen Prince, "Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks but bears it out even to the edge of doom." 
> 
> —. It never stops hurting, those that leave you, it just never stops making you sad, you just get used to it and as times goes by, you think of them less, but when you do is as if just happened…
> 
> He took one of the notebooks lying on a pile and opened it.  
> He had forgot about it.
> 
> The pages weren’t dated but he deduced the timing, his and Sirius last fight and then him leaving.

* * *

* * *

**Chapter 13: Sonet 116**

Severus hated being the topic of conversation, and so many times in a row…

—She did it on purpose — Lily kept complaining as they made their way across Grimmauld Place´s grounds.

A few weeks ago, her sister Petunia had run into the Snape family…the new one, and apparently in her conversation she let slip up Severus´s whereabouts.

—Why would she do something like that? — he asked not believing there was any ill intention behind it.

— she is jealous, she is always been

—Of what? —

—Of you, of us, because we do things and my father talks about them —Lily said with a passion that made him roll his eyes.

Severus was just glad she had waited until after tea to bring this up, he didn’t want to have to discuss this in front of everyone.

He looked back to where Walburga, Nymphadora and Mr Evans were following them, immersed on their own conversations.

—Lily It doesn’t matter — he said turning back to her —. He never took an interest in me before

—He might have not been interested when you were a responsibility but you are an adult now, you have a title, position, connections… and are on the verge of starting a business, you’d be too naive to think he won’t be interested in that, Sirius what do you think? — she questioned him expecting to gain an ally on her argument.

—Well…— Sirius who had been walking peacefully seemed at a loss for word.

—He is like a son to me — they all turned slightly as they heard Walburga sudden declaration.

—Why? What’s wrong with your own son? — Mr Evans Answered and Sirius got big eyes at suddenly being in the line of fire. The three of them shared a humorous look but decided to ignore whatever conversation the others were having.

—So… You think he might bring trouble? —Lily insisted

—I’m not sure, parenting a Severus seems to be on high demand — At this Severus gave him a mild push making him sidestep a little.

—I’m not looking for a parental figure — he said expecting that to close the subject

—You should tell that to Ev— Lily started

—Would you stop it with that? He is only a few years older than me

— I’m just saying that maybe that was what you liked of him, He was someone older, wiser, and nurturing to you at some point

—I’m twenty-four years old

—Which may be exactly why he isn’t doing it for you anymore, Sirius? — she looked at him summoning his support again

—Mmm Yes, you must go over thirty with the next one — Sirius said in a fake serious tone making Lily explode with laughter.

—What are you kids laughing about over there? — They heard Mr Evans and Severus gave Lily a look, warning her.

—Do tell us — Walburga asked

—Nothing in particular, is just so refreshing to see Severus getting jested — Lily said lightly.

—Come and walk with us my boy, don’t let those two pester you — Mr Evans called while Lily and Sirius kept laughing.

—What am I hearing Mr Evans? you talk of Severus as if he were your son — Walburga commented.

—Are you jesting _me_ now Lady Walburga?

—I think I might — she said with an unsure tone that made everybody laugh.

They waited for the others to reach them before resuming their stroll, Walburga immediately pairing up with Severus taking him by his arm.

Severus listened as they kept discussing Lily and Potter joyous match, he smiled genuinely happy for them but could not help feeling less in comparison.

Remembering his encounter with Remus at the Balcony, what hadn’t worry him then worried him now, the oddness of the people around him going on to their next chapter, while he stayed behind. When this concern had been first brought up to him, he had been a little more sure of Evan, so smiling he had told Remus to dismiss it, he wasn’t so sure of Evan now…he was less sure every day.

The next one, Sirius had said jokingly addressing the age of his next conquest, has if Severus could pass lovers so easily.

It amazed Severus how the people close to him tended to forget, how hard it was for him to show affection, they seemed to find it an interesting quirk of him, his shyness in romance.

—You’ve gone very quiet— Walburga said in a soft voice, so only the two of them could hear. He noticed how now Mr Evans was a little ahead of them talking with Nymphadora enthusiastically.

—I am sorry — he smiled at her, embarrassed by his absence of mind and tried to scare away pessimistic thoughts.

—You ought not to worry about Lily, her father is delightful, he and the Baron will get along, I’m sure of it — she said addressing the Evans upcoming visit to Potter manor the next day, where they were to make the proper introductions—. I sent my own assessment today in a letter to James´s Grandmother, just to make certain they start on the right foot.

Sirius, walking a bit on the side, closer than the others, groaned at hearing of his mother interference.

—What? — Walburga asked incensed—. I am a widow with a son who brings me no prospects for himself, what am I to do but worry about other children’s love life?

—Thank you — Severus hurried to thank her so he may stop their impending fight.

In reality he was not worried about Lily, maybe he should be, not out of being any reason to, but to be a good friend.

—It must be hard for mister Evans, to conform with having his daughter so far from home, and so permanently— Walburga continued.

—Is the way of things, you too must have left your home at some point— Severus answered with ease.

—No no I’ve always been in Godric— She answered frowning —. Is very different for us I suppose… as guardians of this states our children stay in their ancestral homes.

—But you weren’t always certain that you would stay here — Severus commented pensive, now recalling his mother telling him of her friend Lady Walburga years ago when he was still a kid. From what he remembered Walburga was not the heiress. At some point she had married into the main branch of the Black family, to her second Cousin Orion Black, inheriting the title and the state.

—…no…I suppose, not always — she said looking him briefly.

—Well Mr Evans has had a whole life to get used to the idea

—One can never get used to that — she said to him in a teaching manner—. He is still upset about how little he sees you, he was just telling me about it — she then stopped taking a deep breath as they reached the stone that marked his mother´s resting place.

— _In memory of Eileen Prince, "Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks but bears it out even to the edge of doom."_ —Lily read the engraved epitaph on the grave — That is beautiful, where is that from? — she asked Severus.

—It wasn’t finished when I left — he said apologetically and looked at Walburga waiting for an answer. She jerked at realizing the attention was on her, seeming to have been depth in thought.

—Shakespeare, your mother and I liked it a lot…—she said and then went quiet for a while —. You know…—Walburga started —. It never stops hurting, those that leave you, it just never stops making you sad, you just get used to it and as times goes by, you think of them less, but when you do is as if just happened…—

Severus inhaled feeling her sentiment all too well. This was the reason he had avoided coming here, in all his previous visits he had never asked or suggested to come. He knew it had been years but hadn’t been sure if he could trust himself to bear well, as when she was first buried, he hadn’t even been able to watch as they put her underground, for him that had been even more devastating the her death.

Mr Evan got down to put down the flower he and Lily had brought.

—I can’t believe is been ten years— he heard Lily said but it felt distant. _I’m sorry mother, I should have come sooner_ was his thought.

—I think…I think the weather may be too chilly for me after all — Walburga said —. I’m going to head back

—Are you alright? — Sirius asked worried.

—Yes —Walburga said quickly—. Just a little underdressed for this late in October, I´ll see you back in the house.

—Ill come with Aunty — Nymphadora was quick to take her arm and gave Sirius a reassuring look as he was frowning.

* * *

Later that day, when the conversation started to die down and it was late enough for it to acceptable, the Evans had left, and Severus with no previous engagements nor excuse had been persuaded by Walburga to spend the weekend.

The night, however, didn’t seemed to want to die down yet for Severus and he encountered himself in a bit of a shock at confronting his old room, where he had been taken to stay de night.

—Are you sure? — he turned quickly to stop Kreacher who was about to leave him there. And really, he should have notice before that he was being leaded into the family halls and not where the guest rooms were.

—About, my Lord?

—The room

—I’m sorry my lord, weren’t you supposed to stay here? When we were told to fix you a room, we assumed…

—no no — he shook his head —. You are right, I’m sorry is just…—he hesitated —. That is my desk with…with my things.

The room was dressed with different colors in carpet, bedding and curtains, noticeably modernized, but there in a corner was still his old desk, with a few notebooks and pencil cases on top, beside it the little trunk he had brought with him when he first arrived at Grimmauld.

—Yes, my Lord, the Lady kept them, for when Master Severus came back — Severus felt a hollow sensation fill him at hearing that, they had waited for him, while he hadn’t even written one letter.

Something must have shown on his face, because Kreacher began to console him.

—I’m sorry to be the one to show you my Lord, I’m sure is very delicate, I thought the Lady had brought you here already.

—Is alright Kreacher, it just caught me by surprise…

Kreacher bid him goodnight living him alone with this surprising piece of his past.

When Severus sat at the desk, he saw that it had been dusted and well kept, with a little light entering from the window it would feel just as it used to.

He took one of the notebooks lying on a pile and opened it. It was the history one, his least favorite subject, and it showed, as the edges of the pages were filled with drawings, he chuckled to himself at seeing it.

As he started to go through it he found comments on the weather, how boring the class was or what he would rather be doing instead, the notebook was filled with little notes that evidenced how distracted he got.

Severus stopped in one page and frowned at noticing some strange writing, that went down the page, on continuous scribbles like a dialog.

—the upper cellar? — he wondered reading out loud —. Right…— he laughed remembering.

Poppy used to hide the sweets, packed away on the pantry when they were denied dessert for being naughty, looking back, he knew she didn’t really put any effort in the hiding, as It was always on the same place.

He looked at the notebook again, reminiscing.

Out of boredom he and Sirius would sometimes write on each other’s notebooks, when the teachers turned their backs, to communicate during their lessons without being noticed.

Severus passed the pages finding more doodles and messages, telling gossip about the servants love life, planning to go to the river, agreeing on asking for a certain preferred meal for Sunday…

He had forgot about it.

Sporadically their notes disappeared from time to time, it could be that they just didn’t write anything on some days Severus vaguely remembered that happening around those time they quarreled.

At some point the edges of the notebook went blank, permanently, and some pages forward the writing stopped all together, his lessons left unfinished.

The pages weren’t dated but he deduced the timing, his and Sirius last fight and then him leaving.

* * *

* * *


	14. Chapter 14: Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> — to have such a beautiful thing taken away from you, out of fear of being hurt, Being upfront and honest with how you feel, knowing that no matter the outcome it would be respected should be a given,
> 
> Severus didn’t want to listen to it anymore
> 
> he kissed back.

* * *

* * *

**Chapter 14: Expectations**

Severus was holding the barely read letter still in his hands, speechless.

—Is it that bad? — Lily asked seeing his reaction.

—…a…it doesn’t really change anything

—It made you upset, let me see — she went to him to take the piece of paper and read it herself— That bastard! Wont even come himself

—What? What does it say? — Mr Evans was getting nervous looking between.

— He is asking Severus to go to London to sign on giving up his rights to inherit from him — She explained —. This is so vicious, is perfectly legal for him to just leave you nothing, you don’t expect it nor need it, why does he have to put you through this?

—I’m guessing he is foreseeing to avoid any possible disputes after his passing…

Severus could see Tobias´s way of thinking about it, he was his direct heir, from his first legitimate marriage. He was also a Lord and that made him reputable in some way, there could be a case to be made in form of retribution for missing on paying his schooling he supposed…in Tobias eyes at least, but Severus wasn’t interested, he didn’t even want to see him ever again.

There was a time, when he was younger, where he had still craved approval, support and affection, all that he lacked from his orphan status, and over the years sometimes he had caved, in a few moments of weakness, seeking out his Father, but it had always ended in disappointment.

It had taken a long while for him to learn to count his blessings and value the love of the family he had, however non-conventional. Still, even at twenty-four, it was painful to be reminded of how dismissed he was by this man.

—I say you Ignore him— Lily declared.

—Wouldn’t than make it seem like I want to keep…whatever it is? He sent it with your father’s accountant, I think he would star bothering your family now that he knows he can reach me that way

—Let’s not worry about that for now — Mr Evans touched his shoulder, showing support —. Think it over, don’t rush to respond, he waited ten years to bring this about he shall wait some more.

Lily went to sit beside him and took his hand.

—You wanted to talk to me about something? — she asked

Severus had come with the intention to seek her advice on…well he wasn’t even sure. Finding his old notes, Evan, the Wisteria tree…the many things that have been happening the last few weeks…

—I forgot…— he lied, no wanting to get into it for now, it was difficult enough to order is ideas on the matter on a regular day, more so after this news.

He signed exhausted at hearing the door.

—That must be the Blacks

* * *

Severus saw how the wind pushed some discolored leaves across the ground.

—You never considered to marry again? — He heard Mr Evans ask Walburga, as they walked around the property Lily´s father was considering buying.

—For whatever reason would I do that? — she said almost laughing, finding the notion absurd.

—Company…

—O… well in that aspect I don’t think I’m lacking at all— Walburga gestured around, addressing them gracefully.

Severus kept going with his head low, as if by doing that he could escape reality.

—I must say I feel cheated — he heard Sirius say beside him — We are so being ignored —

—Did you actually expect to have some sort of protagonism on this outing?

—I have land, I can offer some insight — he answered petulantly.

—You inherited it, you have no idea what to look for

—Well I happened to recently have learned a lot about ground… and gardening… I bet that can be of some use

—By what? Calculating how many forks they can stick per square meter? — he mocked and James turned around giving a shocked laugh, having overheard.

The noise attracted the others attention.

—He is being an ungrateful brat again, after all my effort, digging holes, carrying sandbags… — Sirius complained, playfully playing the victim.

—It does you good Sirius—Mr Evans said —. You are too young to be already wasting away growing your belly, James you should follow his example —

Lily scoffed

— How much manual labor have you done in your life papa? I think you were already a merchant by 23

—Hey! How little faith, I did carry some fabric rolls around in china when I was younger — he defended—. To sell and buy, but that counts as labor

—You were in china Mr Evans? — Walburga asked intrigued.

—In my early twenties — he nodded proudly —. That is where I first learned about the trade

—Oh my, there is a party to be had around that

—You must have a hundred stories Mr Evans — Nymphadora said wholesomely

—Don’t encourage him — Lily teased getting her father to grunt at her. Severus smiled at seeing her going towards Mr Evans for a hug, asking silently for his forgiveness.

—While on the subject of physicality…—Sirius started —. Since I seem to be the new model to follow, Mr Evans perhaps you can help me get Severus on a horse — it was said in a tone that suggested he was only half joking. Mr Evans turned to look at him frowning.

—You know how to ride, I’ve seen you

—He is just being annoying — Severus dismissed.

—He knows how, but he is terrible at it, only knows how to go slow and straight and can barely stand it long enough, there is no way he can cover significant distance or control it if the horse gets stubborn…

Severus started to roll his eyes

—Oh! I’m sorry — Sirius started sarcastically when he saw him—. Are my free riding lessons bothering you? Am I smothering you with my kindness?

—You are not giving me lessons, you’re just dragging me around

— If left Alone you would just pet it and never ride it

—I never had an animal before…

—Don’t listen to him Severus, we all go to the stables just to pet it, I’ve seen Sirius do it too — Nymphadora accused

—You got a horse? — Mr Evans asked delighted.

—Sirius got it for him—Nymphadora said in that hurried manner of speech she went on when excited—. For his birthday, It has the most beautiful curly hair, I’ve never seen anything like it.

Severus saw the slightest twitch in Mr Evans complexion and then Lily, who was still hanging on his arms, squeezing it tight.

—Papa —she said calling for his attention—. Remember the Weasleys? you met them, right? The raise horses…

—O yes, how could I forget, red hair and so many — he said smiling

— Well, Severus´s house is quite far, and you know how he is, he would have no knees by thirty with the way he is walking...—they both exchanged looks.

—I remembered this house from when I visited Nott here, there is a swing on the other side — Remus suddenly said loudly making them all turn their attention to him.

— uhg — Sirius complained— I hate that guy, he is such a Dandy

—This again — James mocked and went ahead with Remus.

—Again? I have never mentioned it before.

—You have a thing against the people that are put together, that is why you used to tease Severus when we were kids.

The conversation continued the same and he was glad to be left out of it.

* * *

—I think is too big— Lily said reluctant, twirling around and looking at the high ceilings.

—Just big enough— Walburga said simply —. You and James must have permanent rooms here, your sister and her husband also, Severus of course and then space for visitors … —she kept explaining —. Everything is so far apart here in Godric, you wouldn’t want anyone to get stranded and have to spend the night uncomfortable.

—Petunia would never come here — Lily said distractedly touching the stair railings —. Once we tell her the train only gets up to the next town, can you imagine

—When I spoke with the baron, he told me they were on talks on building a train station on the next three years—Mr Evans said

—Let’s buy property in three years then

—When the land value is higher? — and thus Father and Daughter began arguing, while the rest of them kept looking around.

—This is lovely — Nymphadora said lowly in the middle of it and Severus had to agree. The walls were all white and reflected the sunlight making everything seem lighter—. I thought the Notts didn’t want to sell—

—Nott senior didn’t, but he passed two months ago and Theodore is not planning in coming back — Remus supplied

—Come on, you are his friend, what do you know? — James pressed him.

And as Remus started to tell the story Severus saw out of the corner of his eyes how Sirius inclined his head back, on an exasperated gestured. He gave him a questioning look and Sirius grimaced at getting caught.

—Severus help me out!— Lily summoned him.

—I think you mother would love it — he said with an apologetic face that made Lily glared at him.

—Well let’s not rush to it, let’s go look at the rooms, shall we—Walburga took Lily´s hand to guide her towards the stairs and as the group became more sparce Sirius patted Severus´s arms to hold him back.

— _Come on_ — he mouthed. Severus hesitated, looking at the back of the group, they were already walking away and deep in another conversation.

—We can’t leave —he whispered.

— Of course not— he rolled his eyes —… lets go for a stroll

Severus who had been in a mood for a while, didn’t have to think too much about it and soon was following Sirius.

Once out of the back door he had to stop to adjust his coat a little, as the autumn sun wasn’t as warm anymore. He thought back at all the still packed trucks he had in his house and considered he might need to start taking his heaviest clothes out of storage already.

He hurried his steps to reach Sirius who was walking away.

—Have you and Remus been fighting?

—What makes you think that? —Sirius was frowning, he seemed sincerely confused.

—That attitude of yours inside, when he was talking about his friend

— oh…— he said remembering —. No…I Just…I already know that story, secretly engaged, father was against it, blablabla, It sound oddly similar right? no wonder he enjoys the happy ending

—o…does… he not see the similarities?

—I think he does, he is smart… and…I guess…to be fair, is not quite the same, the Notts are terrible, Theodore was just waiting for his father to kick it…

—Sounds very healthy…—he said sarcastically.

—Well I thought you would understand, talking about terrible fathers and all — Severus raised his eyebrows at hearing that —. I’m sorry, that was uncalled for — he apologized, realizing what he had said. —…Lily told me you got a letter from your father today —

—She told you? — he asked taken aback, trying to think when could she had possibly had the time.

—hmmm — he nodded —. She practically ambushed me out of my carriage, wanted me to go easy on you, honestly is a little unfair, because as of late you are the one who is hard on me, not the other way around

—Only about the forks

—Please, is brilliant, we might need to put a patent on it — he said with such confidence that Severus could not do anything but laugh—

—How much did she say?

—Not much but enough…it was along the lines of…that I knew it was a sensitive subject from some conversations we’ve had and that she trusted me to leave it alone… There it is! — he declared stopping.

Sirius pointed something in front of them. At first Severus thought he was referring to a solitary swing that was installed beneath a tree, probably the one Remus was talking about earlier, but then he saw it, right above it.

— I didn’t come here a lot as a child since i never like Theo much, but he was the only kid with a tree house — He explained. Severus twisted his mouth at the idea —. What is with the face? can’t climb a tree?

—That’s teasing, I’m telling Lily — he said in a death tone, looking the other way, where the house was, considering walking back. He then felt a tug as Sirius grabbed him by the coat to pull him along. Soon enough he was climbing up and then seated inside the tree house.

—See, perfect hiding spot — It was true the you could hardly see it from outside, branches and leaves already covering its walls.

—Is a bit cramped —Severus said moving his legs and immediately knocking against Sirius, given the small space.

—You are making this really difficult, but i promised Lily… — he said to the air, asking for patience.

—I’m making it difficult? — he asked indignant —. You threw me up a tree!

—You’re being grumpy

—Grumpy?!

—Yes! — they look at each other and Severus finally raised his hands giving up.

—Fine — he said, there was a minute of silence before he couldn’t stand it again. —. This is ridiculous

—Of course it this, we are lacking food…and drinks, but with some planning this is the hangout, i hope for Mr Evans to buy it

—We barely fit

—We fit just fine, the others don’t remember I think, So how about we just don’t tell them, it can be our place —

—You are so childish … — Severus said, more for the sake of it, completely aware that he was being a handful today.

Sirius was still struggling to accommodate himself in the limited space and Severus took his fill, considering him.

—…Why are you being so nice?

— Because…—he said shrugging

—What? —Sirius sat at last and gave him a long look.

—…You been having it hard lately —Severus, who all at once felt too raw and vulnerable, had to lower his eyes, and found himself looking at his hands on his lap.

—What do you mean? — he asked unsure and heard Sirius sigh.

—The house is behind schedule and…I don’t want to meddle but, its getting cold already and I don’t think is going to be ready before the first snow—Severus nodded quietly, listening—…I’m giving you the heads up, mother will ask you to stay with us again, so unless you intend to accept I advise you to make arrangements with Lily.

—I don’t want to stay with Lily, everything was supposed to be settled by now…

—You’re going to have to make some adjustments

Severus took a deep breath

—…I had the idea for so long is just…is not even the house, or rather…is not just the house, is everything, the plants aren’t blooming, Evan is not coming and now I got this letter and …is…is just too much — Sirius didn’t say anything to that and Severus turned to look at him.

—Do you actually want my advice? —

—…Why not, maybe some metaphorical forks in my life, your strange ideas might work for something — Sirius snorted.

— ...Well I think it is too much

—That isn’t helpful at all

—What I mean to say is, it doesn’t have to be, I wonder why are you doing this to yourself, just pick a thing

—I can’t just pick a thing

—Sure you can, not everything is a priority, the house is too important, it was your mothers, is precious, but is not urgent, you have two, soon to be tree, other choices for places to stay —Severus went to open his mouth but Sirius raised his hand stopping him —. Your father, he waited years, he can wait until your ready, next season problem —Severus couldn’t argue that, Mr Evans had even said the same thing —. The plants are going according to expectations, they are probably going to be smaller than average but we planted late and the mandrakes… well, we even moved them, we knew it wasn’t the best operation…is fine, we will do better next time

—…What about Evan?

— I…— Sirius hesitated —…In my limited knowledge of him I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to tell you anything useful…but…—he let it and in the air for longer than it was comfortable, making Severus more intrigued.

—What?

—I think you were asking too much of him —

—Meaning living together?...was it…too soon?

—Not that exactly, maybe it would have work if it was in London, where both of you had lives, but here you had a whole plan while he …well, his life it seems was expected to revolve around yours

—I didn’t expect that, I didn’t expect anything of him besides being with me, everything else he was free to do

—But he wasn’t free, not being here, he always wants to be in other places, he is no country man

Severus didn’t know what to say to that.

—Look I’m sure this is something you better talk with him —Sirius was going to say something else but stopped abruptly when they heard voices.

Severus went to speak but Sirius shushed him.

— ….i used to think she was the most beautiful in the world, like a doll, I wanted to be like her, it was heart crushing really, to discover her meanness.

The voices where coming to stop right below them, where the swing was, he heard the distinct noise of the unused metal.

—How old were you?

—…hhmmm, around twelve or thirteen I think

It was Remus and Nymphadora.

— _They are talking about Narcissa_ — Sirius whispered.

—At the time all I wanted was to go home but then I got sent here, imagine my shock — she laughed —. And all there was here was a boy, a cousin, so I played along, went on horse rides, I even ran behind you guys once, fell over and busted my knees

—Oh I remember that — they both laughed.

—I enjoyed the riding but everything else was just nonsense, I gave up right when aunty brought Padma.

—You don’t always have to try so hard

They fell silent.

 _—What are they doing? —_ Severus couldn’t help his curiosity, he regretted asking immediately, as Sirius moved, inclining to look through crack on the floor that allow them to see underneath.

—…I wanted to belong —Nymphadora started talking again, freezing them —. I was finally meeting honest people, with actual good intentions, which is why I’m so upset with Bellatrix, I thought I left all that awfulness there, but she had to bring it here and do that to you

Sirius went to look again, this time Severus put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. This wasn’t them hiding anymore, this was them intruding in a private conversation, Severus had a feeling, that Nymphadora was going to confess.

—And to have such a beautiful thing taken away from you, out of fear of being hurt,

Sirius turned to look at him questioning. Nymphadora´s voice kept going on the background.

—Being upfront and honest with how you feel, knowing that no matter the outcome it would be respected…that should be a given, always, that is why…

Severus didn’t want to listen to it anymore, even if it wasn’t intentional it was wrong.

 _—Do not_ — he said to Sirius, warning him against it. They both had already heard more than they should, seeing was out of the question.

At that Sirius moved, to try to look again and before he could stop himself Severus had grabbed his head, covering his ears and keeping him from it.

The movement was so sudden that he feared he had revealed their presence with it. They stayed still for a moment and Severus focused on Remus and Nymphadora beneath them to see if they had noticed them.

He sighed with relief at their continuing conversation and then turned his eyes to Sirius, finding him staring.

Sirius moved closer and Severus retreated, surprised, eyes big at realizing the intent. Sirius stopped, and they looked at each other, Severus took a shaky breath and Sirius fragrance filled his nose, awared of their closeness he let go of his grip but stayed put, not daring to move, and Sirius advanced again, testing, giving him the time to backdown. He could not help lowering his shin, shyly, but just slightly, showing clearly that his intention wat not to really avoid, and there was not denying, when Sirius finally kissed him, he kissed back.

* * *


	15. Chapter 15: In Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus thought about it all, he could see flashes of what the last few weeks had been and was not able to conciliate one thing with another.  
> Memories of himself laughing, the light hitting Sirius´s hair, and that unopened letter form Evan that was still waiting for him at the chateau.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

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**Chapter 15: In Between**

Severus blinked feeling the sunlight disturbing his eyes, he arranged his elbows on the grass, to find a more comfortable position and passed the page.

Sirius, who was laying on his back beside him, kept to his own world, quietly smiling from time to time as he went through his old history notebook. As it turned out, he didn’t remember writing the notes either.

—No wonder we always got grounded — Sirius commented.

—It’s weird isn’t it? I fancied myself a much better student — he said frowning, it almost made him wish he kept a diary, so he had more than these messages and some actual inner thoughts to reflect back on.

This morning everyone at Grimmauld was out on the garden, overjoyed with having this bright a day this late on the year.

Severus pursed his lips a little frustrated, going to the beginning of his book… again. He had been going through it for a while with not luck, trying to find the quote that was written on his mother’s grave.

—What are you doing next week? — Sirius asked him.

—I have to arrange some things…at the chateau, why?— he answered not looking up.

—You are still stressing over that?

— Is just packing… to storage, I don’t want my books to rot over winter— Maybe if he tried actually reading every two pages this time, he thought, starting over.

—Me and James have to go to Woolwell to take care of some business, he is taking Lily… I wondered if you might want to come — There was an index at the last page, but he didn’t remember the name just that one quote…

—hmmm?... nothing really interests me there…—he said, concentrated in finding what he was looking for —…. And I have a few ashwinder eggs that are about to go bad, they are used for Felix felici … …they might be overtime already but I will at least try — It would be a nice exercise, he hadn’t tried brewing a difficult potion in a while and…his focus went down the drain when Sirius rolled over, landing over his shoulder.

—What are you reading? — Severus hunched a little hyperaware of how close they were now, with Sirius half on top of him.

—Shakespeare poems … I’m trying to find the one that is in my mother´s tomb…I know I can ask Walburga but…I don’t want to move, the day is so nice — he admitted laughing embarrassed.

—I think she said it was sonnet 116 …— Sirius said unsure, and Severus looked over the book quickly finding the page. He followed the paragraphs with his finger, satisfied when he spotted the quote —… Read it to me

—I don’t want to —

—Come on…— Sirius gave him a little shove, insisting, and Severus rolled his eyes but proceeded.

_Let me not to the marriage of true minds_

_Admit impediments. Love is not love_

_Which alters when it alteration finds,_

_Or bends with the remover to remove._

_O no! it is an ever-fixed mark_

_That looks on tempests and is never shaken;_

_It is the star to every wand'ring bark,_

_Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken._

_Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks_

_Within his bending sickle's compass come;_

_Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,_

_But bears it out even to the edge of doom._

_If this be error and upon me prov'd,_

_I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd._

He finished it and left it there for a minute, in silence.

—What do you think?

—…Romantic? — Sirius suggested making a face.

—hmmm— He doubted — I don’t really understand poetry

They burst out laughing at their inadequacy in the subject.

—When i read it on the epitaph I always thought it was more on the alley of… life after death — Sirius said and then dragged his old notebook in front of them —. Now I’ll read something — he cleared his throat— .And thus, we shall march together to unleash the secrets of the upper cellar — Sirius said in such an outdated manner of speech, like they were going on a mission, which wasn’t how it was written at all.

—Why are you reading it like that? — Severus asked frowning and laughing at the same time.

—To keep on the tone of poetry — he answered standing up —. Let’s go back inside?

Severus incorporated a little to get a look of him, finding the proposition a little strange, it was sunny and fresh and…he understood when Sirius inclined his head.

He got up, shaking the grass of his trousers, and followed.

The last few weeks had gone like this, it was almost scary, how easy they had fitted into each other, and how little it had taken for everything to ignite.

He felt mischievous in that childish sort of way he used to back when he was still under Master Slughorn tutelage, when he would get lectures about the delicate nature of potions but could still not stop himself from experimenting and seeing the end of it.

Now, with Sirius, kissing hidden on the Grimmauld Library, he again, didn’t care, he just wanted to see.

When he touched Sirius´s cheeks he felt where his beard was starting to grow and it was so rough and so him that just got him wanting more, he raised his arms higher, intending to put them around his neck to pull him closer, the movement had both of them gasping, and Severus, feeling things starting to get out of control had to cut the kiss short.

He opened his eyes so suddenly that the bright light coming through the big windows was a little blinding. They separated a little, their forehead still touching, and them having been at it for a while leaving them a little out of breath

—How long have we been here? —From how close they were, Severus could clearly hear Sirius´s resigned sigh.

—We should go— he said taking a step back —. Before someone wonders where we are, the maids are prone to gossip.

Severus stayed in place for a second, getting his heart up to normal levels again and Sirius took the book from him to put it back in its place

—Don’t put it wherever— he said when he saw him starting to walk towards the shelfs.

—It goes there

—You don’t know that

—Sure I do, right by the love stories, the Jayne Eyre, Wuthering Heights…this corner has my Mothers collection, mine are also ordered by theme in their section.

—You have a collection? — he said walking by, surprised.

—Just a few — he said smiling shyly, pointing to a lower slot a little on the side. Severus took a few more steps, to see up close.

—After all your complaining about the herbology books I thought you didn’t care about reading.

—You’re kidding?...with how troublesome I was?...— he said smiling in that charming way of his, head low…raised eyebrows… —. I spent a lot of my time grounded, I had to take on an indoors hobby at some point

Severus squatted over to look the different book titles and Sirius started telling him about them, some had been gifts he hated, others he had gotten on trips, he was passionate about the ones he loved. Severus listened intently, making himself comfortable by resting his chin on his hand has he tried to decipher why this was suddenly such an appealing thing to him.

* * *

Severus made his best effort to appears as if everything was fine when Mr Evans finally took his seat by the window on the train. Thankfully, not long after, the train was departing, leaving he and Lily standing at the Plymouth train station.

It had been a strange goodbye, their last moments together spent discussing.

—I’m not sorry that I didn’t tell him sooner —Lily started—. We would just been fighting for longer had a told him before… the train ride will give him time to think

It was understandable really, this would be the first year Lily wouldn’t go to London for Christmas, Mr Evans hadn’t found justifiable for her to spend the Holidays at the Potter´s, given that she and James were yet to be married, and as he had said, she should be with her family.

—Your mother will talk him down, she always does

—But you see my point, right? He said it himself, insisting on buying that house…he has two thirds of his litter here a Godric, he can’t expect us to be the ones to do all the traveling— Lily said passionately, as if she was still arguing.

Severus decided to keep quiet, not wanting to get on the how he wasn’t really part of the litter.

—Let’s hope he doesn’t forget how much he liked James on his way home — Lily rolled her eyes and started to turn around to leave the station.

—If it turns sideways, we will just introduce Evan to him, that will put things into perspective — she said, giving him a fake smile that made him scoff before a sour feeling got installed in his stomach at remembering Evan.

Lily halted at the exit of the station and looked around before turning towards him agaun

—. I’ve seen some interesting things the few times I have been here …Do you… want to take a look around before going back to Godric?

—Sure — he said shrugging.

And then It had taken the first hour of their tour for Lily to stop venting. They were barely looking a the stores and just walking through the streets.

—…is even faul in logistics, I go there, it takes three weeks out of my time, I stay here and is just the few days before I can get on with working on the shop — she finished looking at him, and when he hesitated, not knowing what to say she sighed —…I’m sorry…— she stopped walking, —. I just really wanted us to spend some time together and I can’t seem to stop complaining

—…Is fine —he dismissed — …And We see each other all the time

—Not really, no like this… just the two of us— They started walking again.

The thing about him and Lily, was that they’ve been friends for so long, their whole lives, that the time spent apart amounted to nothing it felt like.

Severus had no delusions about himself when it came to his graciousness, he was awkward on his best day and often found himself struggling to find rhythm with people. Truthfully, he didn’t have friends besides Lily, acquaintances? Sure, but then with his traveling any fragile connection would easily fade away. It was never like that with Lily, it never faded, their connection, every time they got to coincide in one place they were as close as ever.

—…I guess…is very different what I get to speak with you… — he admitted, briefly remembering that morning he had received the letter from Tobias Snape, he never gotten to tell Lily about what was worrying him after that…

—Yes….and we have not gotten much of that lately

Severus eyesight went a little low on the row at that, self conscious, trying to think if this was something that was happening from before or had any relation to what he had been doing the last few weeks.

—….what I mean to say is that… I noticed, and that…I’m aware that James is taking a lot of my previously free time, and that he is becoming someone important in my life, my best friend…but… you are still my first friend…alright?

Severus turn to look at her, her green eyes were open and sincere.

—Of course — he assured. Lily smiled, satisfied, and reached to take his hand between hers in a loving gesture.

—So…what’s been going on with you?

Severus thought about it all, he could see flashes of what the last few weeks had been and was not able to conciliate one thing with another.

Memories of himself laughing, the light hitting Sirius´s hair, and that unopened letter form Evan that was still waiting for him at the chateau.

He took a deep breath.

—Nothing much — he said finally, trying for a cheerful smile that could not cover the turmoil inside.

* * *

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	16. Chapter 16: The Notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus nervously twisted the notebook in his hands. He hadn’t been aware that Sirius had kept writing in it, he hadn’t read it. Apparently, it was damning enough for Lily to be sure there was something between them

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**Chapter 16: The Notes**

Severus was only half listening to the conversation going around him, his eyes following Sirius as walked, making his way across the Burrow´s horse track, laughing along with Potter.

—She asked me if I would be upset about her wearing my same hair color — Lily was telling them about a dialogue she had with Nymphadora a few days ago.

—That would be amazing — the twins said —. She could blend with us

—So I told her, why would she want to do that? if I had a power like hers I would go really unique

—I’m scared — Bill started playfully —. What did you suggest?

—To go pink— There were collective shocked gasps.

—Lady Walburga would die —Bill said laughing — …By the way, Why didn’t Nymphadora come? I assumed she would be here

—She probably didn’t want to see Remus after he rejected her…— Severus commented, distracted a first but his tone got lower and lower as he began realizing what he was saying.

—He rejected her? — Lily asked surprised — When?

Severus shrugged in a non committal way, trying to get out of it.

—What is that supposed to mean? — Lily continued, suddenly upset — Did he tell you that? Are he, James and Sirius talking about it?

—Lily no — he said immediately, trying to calm her, understanding where her mind was going — And i don’t think James knows — And that was definitely not the best thing to say

—But Sirius does

—I…—he looked towards the others, asking for help, both the twins seemed too curious to pick up on it —. We overheard them talking by accident

—Who did you heard talking? Them two?... While it was happening?!— she was frowning so hard and Severus didn’t know what to do.

—It was an accident, alright? we tried to stop listening as soon as we realized what it was

—You should have let them know you were there, that is so personal, I can’t Believe you Severus— she kept scolding him.

—Well there is nothing I can do about it now, is it? — he reached for the reins of his horse to start walking away —. Lets go Poison

—I can’t believe you named him that… and aren’t you supposed to get on top of it? otherwise you will never learn— He heard Bill telling him.

—He is tired

—Of what? I haven’t seen you ride all day — was the incredulous response.

Severus ignored him and just kept going, scaping the conversation before he could say anything more compromising.

He risked a glance towards Sirius and found him watching the exchange curiously, to then direct a questioning look at him, Severus shook his head slightly, telling him off.

They had already been caught once today, by Kreacher of all people, he didn’t want to do anything else that could possibly arise more questions. It was bordering paranoia.

He found himself lashing out quite frequently lately at feeling cornered with anything related to Sirius, he felt guilty of course, and they been doing this for long enough that it could not longer be justified as a lapse, mistake or whatever else.

Severus almost huffed when he saw Sirius giving a dam about his cue and making his way to intercept him, there wasn’t much he could do to hurry himself when guiding a horse, so he just stopped and waited, giving him a death stare as he approached.

—You’re still upset — Sirius stated, seeing his attitude as soon as he was close enough. Severus said nothing and kept looking at him straight —. You are the one that was at my room

—Because you told me to! when you knew you had to go the Woolwell in the morning and Kreacher would come get you

—He saw nothing — he said downplaying it —. And is not like is the first time he finds you there— Severus frowned at that, confused before remembering that one time he had fallen sleep after the mill party.

He rubbed his eyes exhausted.

—You know what, it doesn’t matter, I don’t want to talk about it anymore —He stopped looking at Sirius choosing to pet Poison instead —. And heads up, I just told Lily we were there when Remus rejected your cousin.

—Why? Won´t that make her curious about the context? I thought you didn’t want anyone knowing anything about us — Severus knew it was a jab but could still not help how annoyed it made him.

—That wasn’t what I said

A heavy silence extended between them for longer than was comfortable.

They had already talked about it, Severus wanted it to be over with Evan before telling any of their friends.

—It won’t make a difference, we started before it was over between you two, is already done

Still it would make him feel better, to bring people in, when it wasn’t this big of a mess, when it was solved. They Couldn’t agree, they just kept and kept discussing it, coming to not conclusion.

—I´ll break up with Evan, we´ll tell them then

—When is that?

—I can hardly control when he is coming — he said frustrated —. And I’m not going to lure him with a letter so he comes to then break up with him, surely you see how deceivious that is

—I think we are pass that point, we are being deceivious already — Severus was ready to debate but saw Charlie and Bill coming their way.

—We are sorry Severus, but mama Weasley had enough, she said you are getting on top of that horse today

Severus just gave a resigned smiled.

—I´ll help him — Sirius offered. The Weasely´s just shrugged.

—If you’re sure, we´ll get you a Horse — they turned around and started to give directions.

— _I don’t want to keep fighting_ — He whispered to Sirius while the brothers weren’t looking. He would rather ride with the Weasleys if it meant it would give them both time to cool off. He didn’t want to keep dueling over a problem with no solution.

— _So let’s not_ —Sirius answered.

* * *

Severus was especially nervous this Friday as the maids settled the table for tea. He saw Kreacher, who was quiet by the door, as usual, and could not help his reaction. Feeling his chin trembling he tried lowering his head to hide it, meanwhile Nymphadora and Walburga kept talking, noticing nothing.

Sirius shoved his elbow on his side making him jump. He looked at him, upset at the sudden aggression.

 _—What?!_ — He whispered.

_—Stop acting so guilty_

_—That is because I am_

—So when can we expect you here at Grimmauld? — Walburga said, suddenly directing the conversation to him.

—ammm …The twins are letting me store some of my things at their shop…I’m moving those tomorrow so…next week

—That is wonderful! — Walburga said delighted —. You are going to love Christmas here

—Didn’t Severus already spend one Christmas at Grimmauld? — Nymphadora asked curious

—mmm No, we went to the Potter´s that year — Sirius answered, and Severus was glad when he didn’t get into any details, he didn’t have good memories abut that Christmas at all.

—What are you going to do about your potions? — Nymphadora kept talking

—In what sense? — He frowned, no understanding

—About brewing…

—I’m still going to be doing that, the lab is perfectly operable, and I isolated that part of the house from the rest.

—I’m not sure about that — Walburga said reluctantly —. Is quite the distance to be covering often on winter, Once it stars snowing Cormac…

—O no! there Is no need —He refused quickly — I’ll ride

—That is even worse, Molly told me you’ve been stubborn with your riding

—I can go with him — Sirius intervened —. Make sure he doesn’t crack his skull

—You don’t have to do that, I’m sure you have things to do

—You’re not going everyday right? — he denied —. Then is fine.

—I’m still not sure is _fine_ —Walburga looked like she wanted to keep discussing the subject.

—Is for almost three months mother, you can’t have him obsessing doing nothing, he is a potionist — Sirius said, making her pout.

—Well then — She let it go —. I’ve been meaning to ask you, Is Evan coming for Christmas?

Severus, who was about to pick a cake from a tray, froze at that.

—We should have a room prepared for him, like specially —She told them—. Normally I would just put him in a guest room but I’m guessing he wouldn’t take that too well

—mmm Yes I don’t think he likes us much — Nymphadora added.

—Well, and also he isn’t just any guest, right? I was thinking of old Uncles Alphard´s room, it has this beautiful flowery tapestry, since Evan is an Herbologist …

She kept going about her plans and how it was a fitting arrangement.

Severus felt hollow, she was making efforts to welcome his boyfriend into the family, while he had spent the last month sneaking behind her back with her son.

—So? —She looked at him expectantly.

—…I… will have to get back to you with that — And he could see how she found that response strange, but Walburga, always so elegant, was considerate enough not to press.

Nymphadora let out a loud sigh.

—Nymphadora stop moping, you´ll have visitors too — she lectured her.

—My parents …— she said in a sadly manner, like it was the worst thing in the world.

— You are eighteen, there will be many holidays for you to spend with boyfriends

—Can’t they come here? — Walburga scoffed at that, finding the question absurd.

—They must! — she said in an offended manner—. What do they think? That you are going there? You are a Black, they are the ones coming — she said with such passion that had them all laughing—. Such nonsense…

She went on about how people didn’t have respect anymore and Severus relaxed listening in.

* * *

Saturday was just starting, and it had proven tiring already, but finally, his belongings were ready to be stored at the Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes.

They had brought them here by carriage and the guys were helping him getting them inside, well the twins really, the others were just hanging around.

One of the twins came in carrying a heavy box and dropped it on the floor. Severus immediately put a mark on it to be able to tell it apart from the merchandise.

—So….Me and Fred have been wanting to ask you about something —The twin, George, put a hand on his hip in a way that reminded him of Molly—. Remember our Weather in a bottle?

—Yes…— he said reluctantly, vaguely remembering Evan once talking about it

—Well…we have this idea about expanding, making a line out of it…maybe Wet Weather and Snowstorm…— he said tentatively —. But the thing is that the product is not just spell based, it has a potion mix in it — Severus who had been preoccupied with marking the boxes stopped to look at him —. So we thought maybe you could lend us a hand …?

Severus threw his head back in sudden understanding.

—That is why you are being so helpful, you guys were totally baiting — and he was actually quite impress by it.

—Alright! Then we will be meeting to discuss it …I’m going to get the last box — he said excited, before storming off.

Severus chuckled to himself at getting tricked and walked out of the warehouse to the part where the store was. There, Lily sitting on a stair, was reading something.

—Where did you found that? — he asked, frowning when he recognized it, it was the history notebook.

—Over there — she said smiling and pointing to an abandoned box a little farther away.

Severus shoulders deflated when he saw it. Someone had probably unloaded from the carriage but given up halfway, He also realized that this was the last box and George was probably not coming back.

—You know, I don’t mind if they don’t help, I just don’t understand why bother giving the impression

—Isn’t the intention that counts? — Severus didn’t think it was quite like that, but he guessed they were already helping him enough, so he just clicked his tongue and picked the boxed up.

— These notes are adorable — He heard Lily telling him as he carried the box away.

From the distance, he kept hearing her laugh from time to time, until he focused on the task at hand. With all his things here, the warehouse was getting a bit cramped, so he had to put on a little order.

It took him a bit, setting the stairs, and getting the boxes up and away, but when it was finished he was satisfied.

By the time he entered the store again it was silent, he figured everybody was already outside, it surprised him to see Lily, a quiet presence.

She turned to look at him, eyes intense.

—What?

* * *

Severus nervously twisted the notebook in his hands. He hadn’t been aware that Sirius had kept writing in it, he hadn’t read it. Apparently, it was damning enough for Lily to be sure there was something between them.

He and Lily had been at it for a few minutes already and he had just finished explaining, without much detail, how it started on the visit to the Nott´s House.

—That was a month ago!

—You were the first one to bring something up…anything… about Sirius, when I wasn’t even thinking about it — Severus Argued. His voice quivering.

— It is my fault then?

— No!

— Is this just the way you do things? Secretly — Severus knew she was tying it to how he had also kept his relationship with Evan hidden from her.

—Is not! Why are you twisting it like that? this is not like me and Evan at all….and I had reasons for that, you know I did, you just have so much to say about everything, all the time

—Stop justifying it on the matter of what I do or do not say

—He is just never here…—he tried again

—oh! So he deserves it — she said sarcastically.

—No! That is not what I meant — He wanted to say that he hadn’t had the chance the breakup but he couldn’t put his ideas in order —. You wanted me to break up with Evan!

—And yet you haven’t! — Lily said with such strength that Severus was left speechless —… You — she stopped and it was as if she couldn’t find the words —…you just decided to go ahead — she ended, disappointed, before turning and walking away.

As he watched her leave, he almost wished she has said something offensive, something actually hurtful, so he wasn’t the only one in the wrong.

The others were still happily chatting outside, and all they saw was Lily leaving in a hurry.

* * *

* * *


	17. Chapter 17: Damage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —. A mother´s love…it goes beyond, the things I want for you …you can’t even imagine, if there is a chance for you to have the kind of happiness I could never dream off … We don’t all get to have our happy ending…

* * *

* * *

**Chapter 17: Damage**

All they saw was Lily leaving in a hurry.

—Lily? — James called for her.

When she didn’t answer, set on getting to her house close by, James turned on his heels and went right behind her, soon enough they could hear the slam of a door and both of them were out of sight.

A second later Severus was at the shop´s entrance. They all turned to him, questioning and confused at the scene they just witnessed.

—What happened? Did you guys have a fight? —Remus asked him.

Severus didn’t know what to say and looked directly at Sirius who saw the crumpled notebook on his hand.

—Did she read it? — he nodded, only barely and Sirius didn’t react for a while —. She was going to find out eventually — he said finally

—I’m understanding nothing of this conversation —. One of the twins said.

Remus, who was looking between them two suddenly seemed to have got it, he took a deep breath.

—…We… are going to give you some privacy — he said before grabbing both twins by the shoulders and pushing them inside the store. The twins protested a little, but Remus just went with it until not a hint of red hair could be seen and they were alone.

Severus didn’t know where to start.

—….I didn’t know you been writing me notes…new ones I mean…I saw her reading the notebook but I didn’t think…it seemed harmless— Sirius gave him a long look, a strange one.

—…I’m not upset that she found out — Severus considered him for a while, like he couldn’t figure him out.

—Of course you are not — he said suddenly understanding —. You’ve been wanting to tell

—And I was right about that, this could all have been avoided

—Is still cheating Sirius — he said, uttering the word for the first time, fed up with the situation.

—Because _you_ wanted it so! that is in your hands, you are the one who refuses to break things up with Evan!

—You can’t…. this isn’t ….— he couldn’t get it out, that it wasn’t really about Evan.

—What? — He looked at Sirius and realized he had gone quiet for too long.

—…You put me in this terrible position, and I’m supposed to just drop everything to go to you? I won’t have my home, my potions and will be cooked up all winter at the mercy of your family and …and…and is starting to feel a lot like when we were kids, and when is just like that, like then, how am I supposed to forget, to ignore everything else about you

—…What is everything else?... What are you talking about?

— We were… _are_ … in this sort of truce…getting along, but you were always so horrible…— He felt absurd and embarrassed, about what he was saying and how long he had been waiting to say it.

It took Sirius a little while to understand what he was talking about.

—…I was twelve…

—Fourteen! you were fourteen by the time I left, just as me!

—And were my choices worse than yours? You left! You decided to live alone and struggling everyday instead to try and confront the situation!... —he took a few step, pacing on the same spot, like he couldn’t believe it — . Is this what you been thinking this whole time? oh Sirius is just this guy I have to put up with

Severus felt rage, felt like it was being dismissed, downplayed, erased. He went ahead raising his hands, and gave Sirius a hard push.

—I had to find out my mother was dying from you! — Sirius just let himself be push and Severus felt worse for it.

He was agitated trying to calm his breath as they just started at each other, Sirius looked devastated.

—…I’m sorry…— Sirius said, almost a whisper.

Severus turned away, upset, he didn’t want him to apologize, not now, after so long, it did nothing for him.

Nothing was said for a long while until Sirius decided to break the silence.

—You know what?…I’m sorry if I hurt you in the pass but… you are mistaken if you think you didn’t do your share of damage too, the difference between us is that when I look at you I see the man you’ve become… you should think about that and stop hating on the child you see in me and that no longer exist

He didn’t dare look again and just listened as he walked away.

* * *

Severus slammed the door shut, he had to take a moment to calm down when his outburst threw some things of his entrance table.

He kneeled to pick them up all together and right on top was the last unopened letter from Evan. He turned it over, it came from Plymouth.

* * *

The news that Severus had left arrived on a single note over breakfast. It was addressed to Walburga, and there wasn’t any reference nor secret message for Sirius in it.

It was polite and vague, so short that Walburga started to turn it over, looking to see if there was more.

—I don’t understand …—she said confused

—What does it say? —Nymphadora asked, unconcerned while putting butter on a piece of bread.

—He is going out of town and he doesn’t know when he will be back…he´ll keep in touch — she finished looking at them as if they could give her answers.

—Wasn’t he coming here this week?— Walburga gave her a bored look before deciding to ignore her, as she was clearly not keeping up.

Sirius eyes were lost on the table, he was fuming. Severus had left, again, after everything…

Walburga kept going about what could had happened and suddenly he could not hold it in.

—We were having an affair — he announced all of sudden.

He heard rattling, probably a maid dropping something, not being able to pretend she wasn’t listening.

—Who? — Nymphadora asked quickly, still smiling and in a good mood, not quite processing it yet. Sirius looked at her directly until he saw comprehension settling in —. But…he is spoken for

—I think that is what an affair implies —Walburga took the napkin off her lap and threw it on the table.

— Everyone out! — Walburga ordered, and even Nymphadora, who probably wasn’t supposed to leave, got up in a hurry, toast still in hand.

They heard the door closing and a heavy silence filled the room.

—What is the matter with you? — she asked sternly.

—Severus and I had an affair —

—I heard you the first time, He is not for you to toy with—

—Why must you assume…? — she didn’t let him finish

—Because we been over this! there was an arrangement between you two, and I know it was different in nature, but it was not long ago that you came to me for an annulment, and now this?! what else can I think then?

—He asked for the annulment …

—…he is very dear to me — She stood up and started to pace around the room.

—We are both adults…

—I thought you cared for him more than this …

They were not listening to each other anymore, just saying whatever they wanted.

— I am the one that is your son!

—We already lost him once

—What if a wanted him for real?! — he yelled, wanting her to listen, to understand.

Walburga stopped at that and looked at him, really looked at him.

She, in very slow steps made her way back toward the table and sat beside him.

—How long has this been going on?

—We kissed that day on the Nott House…but…I have been thinking about it for a while…about him.

He was not looking at her so could not see what expression was on her face, but he heard her taking a deep breath and then she was taking his hand.

—…I let someone go once, when I was young, and I always regretted it — he looked at her, surprised.

—Before my father? You never told me —

—Of course not, Is quite insensible to tell your own child of the loves you had before ones husbands —she scoffed before turning serious again —…I don’t want to give the wrong impression, I loved your father, very much…but he was not the love of my life

He turned in his chair intrigued, his father was such an abstract figure for him, a character of stories only, having passed when he was too young to remember and When it came to his parentstogether he had never given it much thought, it was so typical of magical nobility, rich cousins married among themselves, it was not even worth questioning.

—When was this?

—I was sixteen — she smiled at the memory —. And…she was a girl you see…

—What’s that… what’s that why you gave me that scolding about Bellatrix and Remus? — She nodded, her eyes turning suddenly sad.

—Back then it was even rarer, and we were both noble…so I just never told her, and then she met some Mister that swept her off her feet and that was it, your father came along around the same time and offered such a kindness to heal my heart

—Were you happy with him?

—I was… —she admitted —…but it was always there…I just knew that at some point she felt the same, and that if I had said something…—she hesitated and seemed unsure to continue —… We were friends for a long time after that, we always wrote letters, and it was really painful to notice how she was growing distant, but then… sooner than we thought we had our own households to run, children’s to raise…life got busy I guess and our correspondence less frequent

—You never saw each other again?

—She wrote to me again, years ago…long after your father´s death, she had fallen ill, so I invited her to come here — She looked him in the eyes, and he understood, she was talking about Eileen Prince.

It was like a piece he never knew it was missing and he suddenly saw how his struggle was very close to hers, in almost every sense.

—How can you not resent me? — he had to ask.

When she made that decision, years ago, to protect the son of the woman she loved, and Sirius pushed on the opposite direction, he couldn’t understand the magnitude of what she was doing. How could she not resent him for living like this, for living so freely, for getting a chance at what she couldn’t.

—Oh Sirius I could never — And she was so sad when she said it, taking his face between her hands —. A mother´s love…it goes beyond, the things I want for you …you can’t even imagine, if there is a chance for you to have the kind of happiness I could never dream off … We don’t all get to have our happy ending…

—But you did —He said stopping her —. She came to you in the end —Walburga lowered he head and started crying.

* * *

Madame Rosmerta was going around the tavern as usual, making small conversation and filling empty cups with butter beer.

—…With Evan …— She caught the last part of the conversation as she approached the young Lord´s table. It was only Remus, James and Lily this afternoon.

—What is been about that Mr Rosier? I have not seen him ages — she said in good humor, as a greeting—. The least used room ever rented at the three broomsticks, that is for sure, I’ll be sad to see him go…or not see him really — she ended laughing.

—Leaving? — Lily asked.

—Well yes…an apprenticeship of some sort…you’ll have to forgive me, I don’t really remember

—Right…the apprenticeship… — Remus said.

—Lord Prince came by yesterday to pick some of his luggage for him, and said he will send word about the rest …Lily honey are you alright? — she stopped to ask, noticing her frozen expression.

—Yes…—she said at first a little forcibly to then show a smile —. I think I might need some of that butter beer.

Madame Romerta complied, and after some more Smalltalk she excused herself to continue with her route, but before she made it too far she heard something more.

—You think he is back with him? —James voice was very serious.

—It has to be to break up, he wouldn’t go back with him, he doesn’t love him — Lily said so quickly that de words almost blended together

—What if he decided to go with him for his apprenticeship— Remus suggested

—He wouldn’t! — Lily persisted — He wouldn’t leave without telling me

—He already did — James answered

—How are we going to tell Sirius? — Remus asked softly, making Madame Rosmerta raised her eyebrows, but she had to keep walking and wasn’t able to listen anymore.

* * *

Walburga was sitting writing a letter when she heard Winky come in.

—My lady

—Yes Winky, what is it?

—I just heard the strangest thing from one of the maids — Walburga looked away from her letter to give Winky her full attention —. It appears your son is down at the Kitchens…

—As usual

—Yes, but he is cooking — Walburga exhaled at the news.

—He does that sometimes — she said to appease her —. Is best to let him be

—Oh…Won´t he cause disturbance?

—Poppy will take care of it, he…it takes his minds off things— She assured her, going back to her letter.

Remorsefully, Walburga thought that among what he was already going through she had given him a piece of her own grief, and maybe that was too much for him to carry.

Down there, some of the maids were looking at the scene, uncomfortable.

Sirius was at the Kitchen quite often but today it had been hours. Poppy recognized this behavior, the older staff knew all about it, but it was a novelty for the majority of the maids, most of them were either too young or new, and had never witnessed one of his cooking sprees.

Poppy just told them to let him, he knew what he was doing, she had been the one to teach him after all.

—I think that might be ready now — she suggested, and Sirius grabbed some cloth to take a pie out of the oven.

The Maids came closer to take a look.

—That looks really good — one of them said in awe.

—Bet it taste good also — Poppy said proudly —. Now we just have to let it cool down.

Poppy expected Sirius to retire after that, but he sat and started to read through her recipe book.

—Is getting a bit late, you should wash up and rest before dinner — She tried

—What are you making? — he asked without looking up.

—Croockpot Oxtail…

—hmmm… I’ll make the sauce — Poppy made a head gesture to the maids, indicating them to leave them —. What is to be on the side?

—Smash potatoes… — She answered distracted and kept an eye on the maids until the last had left the kitchen —. Sirius what is the matter? — She asked worried as she sat in front of him. He looked up at that, but only briefly.

—I just have a lot of sadness Poppy…and I need a lot of dished to put it away — he said and kept on looking through her book.

* * *

* * *

* * *

**N/A:**

My first 100 kudos n.n, im very happy.

This story is nearing its end, the final chapter is already written but im not sure about the final number, i thought it was gong to be 18 chapters+1 epilog but i might write one or two chapters before the ending :S not sure, there are some stories that i was going to leave hanging and i think i might tell in detial instead…maybe not, we will see, still it will be from 2 to 4 chapters more. 

Im glad that you guys have enjoyed it c:


	18. Chapter 18: Unsaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —You don’t know what is like! To cry every night because you feel like a burden…because you just want to go home, but there isn’t a home to go anymore
> 
> —I didn’t know you felt like that…
> 
> —That is the whole point…You have to be better

* * *

* * *

**Chapter 18: Unsaid**

Laying on the bed, with his face half buried on the pillow Severus was listening to Sirius rant on Theodore Nott and his upcoming marriage to Luna Lovegood. It was very early in the morning to be having this nonsensical whispered conversation.

Sirius suddenly stopped talking and rolled on his side, facing him.

—You are surprisingly grumpy in the morning —

—You are complaining about how someone you don’t like is marrying another person you also don’t like, it makes perfect sense to me — Sirius put a finger between his eyebrows, pushing against his frown, he had been doing that lately when they were alone, to annoy him. He took his hand out from under the covers and hit him lightly to stop him —. Also, all I hear is that you don like the way she talks

—…I like the way you talk… — He was a little taken aback by the non sequitur.

—You are so picky

—Is nice, you drag the words in such a pleasant manner, like thaaat…— he said trying to imitate him —. It doesn’t really work when I do it…I like listening to you… even though you don’t really do it much

—Drag the words?

—Speak in general —

—In comparison to who? The twins? — he asked smiling. Sirius chuckled softly and turned to lay on his back again. A comfortable silence fell between them —. I don’t think words matter that much

—Yours or in general?

—In general, what are words anyway? just something we make up — Sirius hummed, considering it.

—I think i disagree, how else are you to express, show intent, feelings…

—With actions, you can’t lie with those, they take too much effort, but words? you can just say something meaningless in a second, they don’t carry any weight on their own

—I think words accompany actions, otherwise they can be misinterpreted

Severus had various instances he could talk about where words had gone opposite to actions instead of supporting them. Evan had been declaring to want to be with him for months, to then go the other way at any given opportunity, words meant nothing, even written ones, he had tones of letters to prove that, but he didn’t really want to talk about Evan with Sirius, so he thought of something else to say.

—I think a caring gesture shows much more by itself than a thousand empty words, take Lily for example, she knew James was burdened by his birthday, so she threw that second party for him, making sure it would be in a way he could actually enjoy it …as trashy as it was — Sirius burst out laughing at that.

—Admit it, you loved that party, you even wanted to run inside the mill

— I did not —

—You so did

Soon after that Kritcher´s steps had been heard coming down the hallway and chaos had ensued.

Severus blinked the memory away, focusing on where he was right now, on a tavern in Plymouth, waiting on Evan, who kept chatting, never seeming to reach their table.

He straightened himself up on the chair when he finally saw him saying his goodbyes and moving towards him, his smile fading as he turned and face going blank as he took his sit in front of him, saying nothing.

Severus swallowed.

—How you been? — Evan twisted his mouth, his expression between frowning and founding the question ridiculous.

—Come on Severus, you can do better than that —

—I’m sorry that I didn’t respond to your letters — he tried again. Evan let out a snort, surprisingly there wasn’t anything sarcastic about it, he could tell he found the situation a little amusing.

—Well since you bothered — he said pointing to his bag, that was on another chair —. You could had gone the extra mile and got me the rest of my luggage

It had been easy to forget lately, why he liked Evan to begin with. He was easygoing and unlike himself, he tended to dismiss things and move pass them so effortlessly, it had been so refreshing at first but ended up being the source of many conflicts between them. It didn’t seem so bad now, when he was on this side of the conversation.

—You are going to have to speak up Severus, I know when I’m being breaking up with, but I’m only willing to help you so far, I’m not doing it myself — he said this time more serious.

Severus look down for a second thinking of how to start, what could he say? Things aren’t how I thought they would be? This isn’t what you promised? We are never together anymore? …

He remembered Lily, telling him off his excuses, how none of that meant Evan deserved it, and took a deep breath.

—…There is someone else…— And there it was, the shameful admission of guilt. Evan didn’t blink for what it seemed a long time.

—Remus? — he asked.

Severus found that guess strange, before remembering that had been a thing they fought about, it seemed so long ago. He quickly shook his head, denying.

—Sirius — Severus corrected, and Evan looked away, raising his eyebrows surprised.

— That doesn’t make any sense

Severus understood that of course it made no sense whatsoever from his perspective, Evan didn’t know what had been going on during his absence, and that was his fault, but what he didn’t know of their shared history…that was all on Severus.

When Lily had confronted him, he realized there was a bit of true in everything she said, he had been keeping secrets, for a while. It was his choice of course, as it was anyone’s, to have some privacy, but his was extreme to the point of exhaustion, to the point he felt he couldn’t be himself anymore.

—What I don’t understand is why you didn’t break up with me sooner, things have been going bad for a while

Severus had to think about it. When inquired, by Lily, James, even the twins, he had always given variations of the same answer, now he tried to look for a real answer withing himself, the one he wasn’t brave enough to say out loud before.

—I wanted you to be the one to do it — and he realized it was the true as he said it —. I was biding my time, so you’d go off to your apprenticeship and leave me behind, because I knew that was what you were going to do — Evan leaned back on his chair, abashed but not denying it. He took his time considering his response.

—…Severus …When I met you, I feel like… we were on equal ground and wanted the same things, but now all you want is there… and is not the same for me…—

Severus had thought about that, a lot, trying to understand if it was them who had changed or their situation, maybe it was as Nymphadora had said and what little chemistry they had, had been fragile and able to exist only in their briefest time together, honeymooning as she put it.

—…and I did want to be with you —Evan continued—. But…is not the only thing I want, and definitely not what I want the most

—You are not mad?

—I am mad…I am very upset, the whole thing is very typical of you, passive aggressive…—he seemed to be looking for words—. The not writing, you wanting to be me the one to leave you…— he paused a little —. This kind of behavior…is like… You put the other cheek, so you can play the victim later — Severus was shocked to hear that —. Still… The truth is that even when you stopped writing I didn’t miss you, I haven’t been missing you for a while—. he seemed a little confused himself with how he was feeling —. And what is up with that? —. He laughed a little in the last part. Severus reciprocated smiling sadly, appreciating him for trying to bring some humor to the messed up situation.

* * *

Sirius was sitting on the carpeted floor of Grimmauld Place library, staring at the bookshelf. He had never made the connection before, on how many of his mother´s books were of tragic love stories, it could be a coincidence, most love stories tended to be a little tragic after all…

He glanced behind him, where in the far corner of the room, James was still going over some letters. In front of Sirius´s vacant chair, over the desk, a blank piece of paper rested. A letter still to be written, because even if he knew what to say, he wouldn’t know where to send it.

At first he had felt so angry over it, angry at Severus for doing this again, for leaving him soaking in, with no chance to do or say more, having to go over the same fight on his head. But all of that had soon turned into sadness, because at first he had been sure Severus was coming back…for a while there had been not doubt, he was coming back and they were going to fight about all of this… and get past it…

Sirius heard James giving a loud sigh. He clicked his tongue knowing the peaceful silence was over.

—Finish your work James, or the Baron will blame me for it…— he said in a bored manner.

—Is already done…

—What are you fussing over then? — he asked intrigued.

—I want to send a letter to Lily´s parents…Mr Evans left being upset over her spending Christmas with me

—Oh…right …— he said remembering the story —. But is not because she is spending it with you, is because she is not with them — he explained.

—You knew? — James tone was just tilting on accusatory.

—Severus mentioned it… you didn’t know? — James looked speechless and about ready to complain, but then shook his hand in the air, deciding to dismiss it.

—…In anyway …I was thinking of inviting them over, both of them this time— he said turning back to his letter, clearly still upset —. I was planning to do it in January, for Severus´s birthday but…— Sirius got up from his spot on the floor.

He walked up to the desk and leaned over one of the chairs.

—What do you want me to say? — James made an exaggerated face, as if he was considering it.

—Well…having an opinion or proper thought would be nice…about anything, just for starters —Sirius frowned.

—What are you talking about? — James turned on the chair at that, raising his eyebrows and giving him an incredulous look. Sirius dared him, with a look on his own, to elaborate.

—I’m talking about how you never say anything, you just go through life, playing with the least risk possible

— I say things all the time — he refuted, half laughing and honestly not understanding the direction this conversation was taking.

—Not about what is important, you don’t, I had to find out about this whole mess once it already exploded…through Lily

—I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, but— James cut him off.

—I don’t care if you tell me, what I care is that you obviously didn’t tell anybody anything, including Severus, and this is the result

— You don’t know anything about us, of how I am when I’m with him, what we talk or don’t talk about — he said suddenly getting riled up.

—oh! — he faked surprise —. Do you stop being my best friend whom I’ve know my whole life? Do you suddenly become somebody else? because given the situation I’m seeing I doubt it

Sirius was left stunned for a moment.

—Why are you being like this?

—Because this has become a pattern for you…and you wonder why ends up always the same? I can’t keep standing by…with you just never deciding nor admit to anything and yet expecting everything to go well

—You talk as if I’m making messes every weekend and leave you to deal with it, when have I ever put you on that position?

—Sirius for god sake! — he said standing up —. This isn’t about me

* * *

Walburga was walking down the hallways when she encountered the curious scene, a troubled maid holding a tray was explaining something to Winky. They both silenced themselves as she approached them.

—What seems to be the matter? — Winky took a deep breath and was reluctant to answer. Walburga turned to the maid— Well?

—Your Ladyship, I was supposed to bring tea to the Library this afternoon…but I just can’t go in—Walburga smiled a little finding it absurd, surely it was out of some quirk of hers.

—And why is that?

—They are fighting

—oh Well he is with James today, right? — she looked to Winky for confirmation—. They are always discussing over some thing or the other, is never serious — she tried to calm her, she remembered her being new, and probably was not yet used to how thing were here at Grimmauld.

—My lady — Winky intervened —. I think is more than one of their petty fights this time.

Walburga frowned at hearing that. Winky gave the maid instructions to just take the tea back to the kitchen and then guided Walburga towards the library, pretty soon she was able to hear the shouting.

She halted on her steps, listening in.

—Because all of this behavior of yours, starts with him!

The voices were muffled through the closed doors, so she could distinguish Sirius voice answering, but was not able to fully understand what he was saying, James voice though, was loud and clear.

—You don’t know what is like! — James said —. To cry every night because you feel like a burden…because you just want to go home, but there isn’t a home to go anymore

There was a long silence, or what she thought was silence, it could just be that they were speaking at normal volume again. Then the library´s door opened but no one came out immediately.

—I didn’t know you felt like that…— Sirius voice sounded tired and beaten, now that Walburga was able to hear him.

—That is the whole point…You have to be better

James then stepped out of the door, he gave a couple of determined steps but stopped abruptly when he saw her and Winky standing there. He could probably deduce they had heard some of the fight, but his eyes betrayed nothing. He nodded politely.

—I’m sorry to leave in such a hurry but I must send some document on the mail — he explained showing the papers he had on hand. He gave them a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, before walking away.

Walburga stood frozen on her spot and didn’t dare to ask what had happened.

* * *

Lily stopped what she was doing as soon as she saw him. He was standing outside her shop, just waiting for her.

Severus gave her a shy smile when their eyes met and she immediately excused herself from the workers to make her way out.

She closed the door but paused for a second, looking at him.

—When did you get back?

—Just now — She nodded understanding what he wasn’t saying, that he came to her right away.

She walked the few steps the separated them. Her eyes became teary and were looking at his face intently, as if searching for something.

—I thought you had left for good

—I would never…— She just tilted her head, the “you did once” left unsaid—. I was just at Plymouth…— he added.

—Lets…take a walk? Go to the park or something… so we can talk in private— she pointed vaguely towards the street. He nodded in agreement and they started walking —. I am sorry that I made a scene, and that I made everyone find out about you and Sirius and that I was so judgmental — she said not looking at him

—…You weren’t exactly wrong about that …— he said also looking ahead—. I went to see Evan at Plymouth

— You told him? —

—I thought about not telling him… considering that I went with the intention of breaking up, so what was really the point? Maybe I could had save him the betrayal…

—For honesty? — she suggested and he hummed at the idea.

—…I couldn’t even start with his wrong doings, or it would seem that I did it out of spite when in reality I just wasn’t thinking about him at all

—You took all the blame?

—… Some…— he admitted, even if he hadn’t gotten into detail with Evan he hadn’t left him free of responsibility —. I did say some hurtful things to him, but only truths…I just…I thought that it had to be definitive …— Lily took a deep breath and hook one of her arm on his.

—…It wasn’t your best moment, but really neither was his… for a while — she emphasized —. and I assure you, all this time, he wasn’t thinking about you either, and telling the truth…it was the right thing to do…

Severus lowered his head, not feeling sure about that.

—So…you and Sirius… Are you going to be together now? — Severus denied with his head.

—No…there was much more problems in that than Evan… I would not even know where to star to fix it — he wasn’t sure it was even possible—. With Evan I guess we spent so much time apart …it was so strange to me to reconciliate the memories with the person that I had in front of me, that I wasn’t sure if we had changed or I was in love with someone who was never real, you know? — He looked at Lily, she was frowning —. I’m probably not making any sense

—No, I get it…sometimes …as times goes by, we tend to romanticize things…we remembered them differently

—Yeah…and then if the person I was in love didn’t exist how could I love him anymore…With Sirius I guess is exactly the opposite, my opinion of him was so vilified by ten years that it couldn’t go anywhere but up, no matter what he did — he said laughing

—That doesn’t sound too good — Lily said laughing as well

—You know him, he is quite the asshole

—He is not that bad …— she said lightly, rubbing his arm —. I noticed a few things between you and him, you were always together and had this…inside jokes but I didn’t want to say anything that could potentially make it awkward… knowing your history —she gave him an apologetic look —…Severus to be honest, listening to you speaking now I do wonder why you would even? ….it doesn’t sound like there was much to it…to risk it…I mean …Walburga Loves you so much

— I know…—he said feeling terrible—. As you say, We just spent a lot of time together and got along, and maybe we are just confused, and this is for the best — he felt his voice wavering a little at the end and look the other way, trying to suppress how his mood was going downhill.

—Sev …?—

—We…—he tried to take a deep breath and felt how it became shaky —.I don’t know…We… Talk a lot, and …and …he leaves…he writes these messages in my notebooks…and we have this carving with our initials on a tree…—he felt so pathetic listing the little crumbs of what he and Sirius had.

—Carving…? — she stopped walking, making him stop as well —.…Sev ?

He lowered his head, and before he could react, tears were falling down his cheeks.

—Don’t cry —Lily took his face on her hands.

—I think you once said you wanted me to feel like this — he said laughing, remembering that conversation months ago, when Lily had tried to convince him to leave Evan.

—I know, I’m sorry

—Look at me… I was with Evan for years and I send him on his way as nothing and here I am crying over Black, it doesn’t make any sense

—It never makes sense— she consoled him —… I least you didn’t get to introduced Evan to papa, that would have been a disaster

That got a crying laugh out of Severus.

—What are you going to do? You can’t go stay with them in this situation — He looked at her confused —. You can stay with me but…I think you should not be in Godric at all for a while, I think you should go to London — He frowned, considering it.

—…I don’t want to leave …—

—It might be best to let things cool off, just for a few months, go stay with my parents for winter — she pleaded. He then rolled his eyes and gave her a bored look.

—You just want me to be there for Christmas, so your father forgives you — Lily seemed offended at the notion.

—That wasn’t even close to what i was thinking about — she said slapping him on the arm—… Please just…think about it, alright?

* * *

* * *


	19. Chapter 19: Late Harvest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —Is unfair that I am giving you the choice?
> 
> —You are not giving me the choice; you are giving me all the responsibility — 
> 
> —Do you think that we have too many problems to be able to even begin thinking about the relationship?
> 
> —…Over the years — he started to whisper —. I always imagined you mad… upset at me, raging…but never hurt and I…I don’t know what to do with hurt…How do I fix hurt? — and the question was so honest that Severus really wanted to answer it, but realized he didn’t know how to either.
> 
> Final chapter

* * *

* * *

**Chapter 19: Late Harvest**

Sirius glanced at James passing form as he walked with Fred to the back room of Weasleys Wizard Wheezes. James, Sirius, Lily and Nymphadora were set to go on a picnic today and were waiting for the red head to finish on her duties before leaving.

As he took and the retreating back of his best friend, he wondered, if they would be able to manage a more cheerful attitude for their day ahead, as things were still a bit tense between them after their last interaction.

—Are you two still fighting? — Nymphadora surprised him by whispering the question.

—How would you know about that? — he asked defensively. She didn’t answer and just gave him a look, with her eyes half lidded. She then took a look around, it was very early and there wasn’t anyone yet at the store, and George was engrossed on something else, far enough from them so he wouldn’t be able to listen on their conversation.

—I know something else…—she said turning to him, leaning her body a little over the counter and twisting her mouth in a strange way, as if she was unsure. He frowned at her behavior —. Severus is back in Godric…he came back two days ago, and he is planning to come to Grimmauld this Friday for tea as usual but…— she paused and Sirius searched on her face, taking in the information.

—What?

—He might be leaving again, for a few months, or at least that is what Lily wants, she is trying to convince him to go to her parents´ house in London

Sirius raised his eyes to see as James and Fred walking out of the back room and into the store again.

—What are you two whispering about? — Fred asked jokingly, at seeing them hunching into each other.

—Did you know Severus was back? — Sirius responded instead, looking straight at James.

James sighed tiredly, not really answering but saying enough with his reaction. He then turned his eyes to Nymphadora. George left what he was doing and walked towards them.

—You guys are meddling, and I don’t agree — she said petulantly, feeling the accusation on his eyes. —. And you clearly need to talk this over, so I’m going to wait with Lily — She said taken herself out of the conflict and making her way to the door.

James clicked his tongue at the display and waited for her to be out of sight.

—I don’t know for sure if he is leaving — he started —. And since you and me just had a fight…we had decided Remus should be the one to talk to you about it, but he couldn’t come today so…

—We? Who is we? — he turned to the twins —. You guys knew too? — the twins looked at each other taken aback.

— This isn’t a conspiracy Sirius, I meant me, Remus and Lily — James cleared —. She too agrees you should have a heads up…before Severus visits on Friday

—It would make sense — George commented softly, trying to relieve the tension—. Given Severus close relationship with your mother and the history he has with the family…it might be better for him to leave for a while, and let all of this fade away

—But surely we can talk about it? He doesn’t need to leave

—Of course —James agreed —. But even after talking that might be one conclusion of it all…and you should know that he is considering it

—It does not have to be definitive…in any sense — Fred suggested —. And he would not be gone forever, maybe some time apart would be good…to get some perspective, I mean this whole thing was messy to begin with.

Sirius thought about it for a second before looking directly at James, he was the one who could know the most… through Lily.

—Is he still with Evan?

—They broke up

—Well then…

—You know there is more to it than that — James said in a slightly scolding tone without elaborating further.

—Then there is the horse that you didn’t buy for him but said it was for him when it wasn’t and it turned out it was, and he never rides it but named it …— Fred offered giving him a meaningful look.

—And that annulment we never heard of again — George said. — Did you guys even signed it?

—Why are you ambushing me with this — he said suddenly overwhelmed.

Just then the bell above the door for the store rang and Nymphadora walked in looking out of breath, she was holding her stomach and seemed about to be sick.

They all looked at her, surprised to see her back.

—What happened? — James asked

—I just ran into Bellatrix — she said and Sirius frowned, that was far from the answer he was expecting.

—What is she doing here?

—She said she is meeting a friend…I think she meant Remus — she said with a sense of urgency.

—Umhh… I don’t think so — James dismissed —. He had to help his parents with something, remember? That is why he couldn’t come with us today

—That may be what he told us so he could meet Bellatrix…—Fred suggested somber.

There was a second of silence between them before James stormed out of the shop.

—Sit down Nymphadora, you look pale— he heard one of the twins saying.

—You don’t think he would lie, do you? — Sirius listened vaguely as they kept talking

_When was Severus considering leaving?_

—I don’t know, he wont talk about her anymore, who knows what his feelings are on the matter

_For how long?_

—Maybe she is just meeting a friend, she must have some here, right?

_A season maybe? a whole year? Was it immediate or after Christmas? How much of it was related to him? Could something be done about it? Could he ask him to stay?_

—Sirius?

—What? —He asked startled, not aware he was being addressed before.

—Does Bellatrix have other friends here?

—uhmmm…no…I don’t think so…

—So what do you think? — George asked

—About what? — he asked distracted

—Remus — Nymphadora pointed —. You are the one who knows him the most

—Oh…The Lupins are hosting Theodore Nott for a few days I think he said uhmm …that was what he was doing, he and his fiancé are visiting —

—…You could had said something before James ran off — Fred said half serious half laughing.

—But…she told me in such a meaningful way…I thought she was hinting at something — Nymphadora explained embarrassed for causing such a scene.

—Maybe she knows you like him and was teasing — Fred said consoling—. Bellatrix is like that, always trying to get a rise out of people 

—Or she wanted you to tell someone, so it would get to him— Sirius offered with his lips on a thin line —. I think…She wouldn’t even dare write him a letter to set up a meeting…she probably just showed up

—That…— Nymphadora didn’t seem to know what to say for a moment —…Is kind of sad

— uhmm — Siriud nodded in agreement —…I’m sorry…I have to go — he announced abruptly and left just as quickly leaving them confused.

* * *

Within a few days of his arrival back in Godric Severus found himself a recluse on his own house, prisoner of his shame, he had a good excuse, as with the bad weather on his side he could hide what little motivation he had to leave the bed.

He was already dreading his next outing on Friday, where he would confront the people at Grimmauld, Lily already having filled him on the detail of how Walburga knew everything about him and Sirius.

He turned around, rolling on the blankets, the cold was not fully in season, but it was obvious already that the chateau would not stand the winter. He would have to start packing soon, for whatever his decision, he would not be spending the next months in this house.

He was startled out of his thoughts by a sudden knock on his entrance door. Throwing away the covers he went to the window, there was no carriage outside, and in anyway he would have heard the horses coming. He hurried to put on some decent clothes, afraid for a second before thinking that if anyone wanted to rob his house, in the middle of nowhere, they would not start by knocking on the door.

Soon enough he was opening the door.

—Sirius?

* * *

Severus had already lit the fireplace, served tea and was now putting potion ingredients inside different jars and labeling them, all to keep busy while throwing uneasy glances at Sirius who was sitting at the table, just looking at him.

—Are you going to say something anytime soon? — he said no being able to stand the silence anymore.

Sirius took a deep breath.

—It was a long walk, it took the fight out of me, also is kind of peaceful right now, I feel…I feel like if I say anything I’ll ruin it and you´ll go to London — Severus paused on what he was doing, lowering his head.

—I still haven’t decided on that—He didn’t even bother to ask how Sirius knew.

— And you ended things with Evan — The way it was phrased, not as a question but a sentence bothered him.

—I did not do it for you — Sirius raised his eyebrows at the sudden aggression of his words.

—That is fine I suppose…you should have gotten that solved long ago, regardless of me — he said fixing him with his stare —.But…to you, does that mean that I don’t deserve to know at all?

—That I did not run to you with the news does not mean that I wasn’t going to tell you, I was planning to visit on Friday

—Yet all our friends deemed necessary to tell me before…today

—All our friends? — he asked confused.

—Lily included — Severus huffed not believing the absurdity.

—She is playing both sides — he muttered under his breath.

—Interesting for you to say that, Nymphadora has this…impression that you are being coerced into going away? That there is some meddling going on?

—Well I’m not, I haven’t decided and if I do leave it will be for my own reasons, Lily just offered the option which is why I don’t understand that she— he didn’t get to finish before Sirius interrupted him.

—What are those reasons?

—Excuse me? — he said no understanding.

—You said if you leave, it would be for your own reasons, so…what are those reasons?

—We…— he started a little unsure —. It might be best to let things cool off for a bit…and your mother…

—That is so on the surface and what everyone is saying, what are _your_ reasons? — Severus had to think about it, he took a little time to give an answer as he looked for something to say, it wasn’t long but apparently it was enough for Sirius to see through him —. You haven’t thought about it

Severus sighed.

—Is been a stressful couple of days — Sirius drummed his finger over the table, without taking his eyes of him.

—Remember the annulment papers I brought? — Severus could not hold his physical reaction to that, almost snickering.

—I can’t believe you are bringing that up — Sirius looked around the mess of the house, that was clearly in a half-packed state.

— You know where they are?

—I would have to look for them — Severus said shaking his head, upset—. It would be probably faster to just get another copy

—I don’t care about the fucking annulment — Sirius said, and he seemed offended.

—Then why are you asking about it?! — Severus asked getting offended himself.

—Because I don’t think you ever even have read those papers, I think you completely forgot about them, I know I did…so if you are not thinking about cutting ties with me, in any level, then why the fuck are you leaving?

—Those are completely two separate things, that arrangement was something Walburga set up to take care of me, I had to break it off because of Evan, and yes…I forgot about it

—You are not answering the question

—…You can’t…you can’t consider me to be the one to have all the answers…

—Just the one, do you want to leave? — Severus was speechless for a minute.

—It isn’t supposed to be this hard — he said finally.

—What?

—All we do is fight, we have too many problems

—We don’t — Sirius contradicted —. Never about what really matters, sure we banter about meaningless things but whenever it gets testy, we just sweep by it

Severus knew that to be true, he was just so afraid that if they took it too far whatever peace they had managed to build would break.

—Sirius…you must know this isn’t normal… we are just starting, we are not supposed to be having these heavy conversations at this point, something is clearly wrong

—We aren’t just starting, we’ve known each other for ten years,

—Ten years ago

—No — Sirius refused—. You can’t have it both ways, you either accept to star anew and erase our history or we acknowledged and deal with it, so…how is it going to be?

Severus didn’t know what to say, he wanted neither, he didn’t want to forget about the pass, but he wished they could just do that, that they didn’t have this baggage, that they didn’t need to have this fight.

They stayed quiet for a while

—Well? — Sirius insisted when he didn’t answer.

—Is unfair of you to put that on me — He was surprised at how sad his voice sounded.

—Is unfair that I am giving you the choice?

—You are not giving me the choice; you are giving me all the responsibility — The discussion had gone stale after that and Severus started to turn around.

—Where are you going?

—Upstairs, I still have a lot to do before leaving

—Leaving? You said you hadn’t decided

—I mean the house, regardless of where I’m going I’m not spending winter here…and I’m exhausted so I just…don’t want to talk for a while

—I cannot leave you like this… you will be having all sorts of ideas on your own —Severus gave him a long look, Sirius eyes were big as they look at him back, afraid.

—Fine…Come help me then.

* * *

Sirius finished putting the covers on the pillows and threw Severus an amused suspicious look.

—You know…I feel deceived, I doubt you would have cleaned this much on your own — Severus chuckled and Sirius considered him for a second before making his way around the bed and taking his hand, Severus turned to look at him, immediately wary.

—Come here — he said sitting on the bed. Severus took his hand away.

—I don’t want to get in bed with you

—No that — he denied —. Just…come lie with me for a while, I promise Kreacher won’t catch us this time — he tried with humor, but Severus didn’t laugh.

Sirius let himself fall on the bed, his body a death weight and a heavy silence extended between them

— …Severus…do you…care enough for us to try to fix this? — He wasn’t looking but the noise in the room told him the question must have shocked him.

—Of course I do! — Was Severus answer.

—Do you? — he asked, sitting again, his weigh laying on his arms behind him as he stared at Severus —. Because all I see is you running from this conversation, pushing on the opposite direction when you tried twice as hard for Evan

—It’s different…

—How?

—The stakes are higher

—Because of my mother…— he said rolling his eyes

—No…I didn’t care for Evan this much — they just look at each other for a while, taking in the words. Sirius extended his hand again taking Severus´s, he let him this time.

—Then why pushed me away all those times I wanted us to be something, I wanted it to be official, for you to break up with Evan, to tell our friends… to go with me to Woolwell, and that day, what did you say to me? That you didn’t care for it — Severus frowned at the mention of the trip to Woolwell —. And then just that morning after our first night together, when we should had been just talking… being with each other…we had to be fighting over fucking Kreacher

—…I didn’t know the trip to Woolwell was important

—It wasn’t — Sirius said laughing a little —. Is just one among all these little things that make me think that you just…don’t care

—I do — he said squeezing Sirius hand—. I was just so…into everything else, all the other issues...even when I lashed out about feeling trapped in your house…I know I was being unfair about that when I could just gone to Lily´s form the start… and you had already offered to ride with me all the way over here…i guess… there were too many other things for me to notice

—Do you think that we have too many problems to be able to even begin thinking about the relationship? — Severus sighed and went to sit beside Sirius.

—I don’t want to talk about this anymore— Sirius let out a soft laugh.

—We have to…and then we will never fight again, we won’t be able too, there will be nothing else to say.

Severus didn’t say anything to that and just laid back on the bed, Sirius followed him.

—You know…back when I left…for about two years I didn’t told anyone what had happened

— Not even Lily?

—No…I’m just, no good with telling people how I feel, much less if is something vulnerable

—We all struggle with that

—Yeah? — he turned his head a little to look at Sirius, who nodded to reassure him.

Then Sirius rolled on his side, wrapping him on his arms, burying his face on his neck.

—…Over the years — he started to whisper —. I always imagined you mad… upset at me, raging…but never hurt and I…I don’t know what to do with hurt…

Severus wanted to take a deep breath, but it became shaky as his eyes started to fill with tears.

—How do I fix hurt? — and the question was so honest that Severus really wanted to answer it, but realized he didn’t know how to either.

Hours later they found themselves still laying there, Sirius hugging him tight, as if he was afraid to let go.

—Don’t go to London — he heard the quiet request filling the room.

* * *

Severus opened his eyes and it took him a minute to realize he had fallen sleep, the light coming through the window was different in color, signaling a few hours had passed and the warm beside him was already gone, telling him he had been alone on the bed for a while.

He frowned a little at hearing what seemed to be horses on the front of the house and got up to look out of the window. There by the Chateau´s fence was Cormac hanging by a carriage, no one else was in sight.

Hoping no to have more unexpected visitors he made his way downstairs and outside. Cormac nodded his head as a hello before pointing in another direction, he turned confused, to see what he was showing him and found Sirius, standing by the Mandrake´s field.

When Severus walked over, Sirius didn’t acknowledge him immediately, choosing to remain silent.

—They are sprouting — Sirius said finally, kneeling to point at the little leaves that were rising from the ground—. We have three weeks before the first real cold so I think we will be able to take them off the ground, put them on inside pots

—Really? — Severus looked at him genuinely happy before his mood got ruined at remembering their dilemma.

—…I Was thinking that we…we are a little like this Mandrakes

—Difficult to manage? — he asked laughing a little.

—Well yeah…and whatever feelings we have for each other got planted a little late, so the chances of survival were never the best …you know what I’m saying? — he said looking at him again.

—And despite everything now they are sprouting?

— Yes, but it didn’t just happen, it took work, and we did that…— Sirius seemed to be looking for words

— … I worry that still… it might too late for us

Sirius considered him for a while and then made a petulant face, something Severus found weird giving the context.

—I don’t think late is bad…In wine… the late harvest is a whole thing, it can actually be a bit sweeter

—It’s always sweeter — Severus said laughing a little at the analogy.

—I know, I just didn’t want to be that cheesy — Sirius said smiling and Severus just stood there not really knowing what to say— . Mother sent Cormac over, she is expecting us both for tea...—Black continued —. I think she is hopeful.

Severus looked at him unsure. When he didn’t answer Sirius turned to the garden again.

—…We can try to plant Mandrakes next year, do better — Severus knew Sirius was telling him something else with this —. None of them will have a boyfriend this time — he continued, the last part he said looking at him and Severus had to roll his eyes at the attempted humor.

— Let me get my coat — he announced finally and saw Sirius eyes light up

Inside the house he found himself lost in his thoughts. Was he doing the right thing? He was not sure… he just knew that it felt like it was, was what he wanted to do? Yes.

What could had been if he hadn’t left the first time around…had he stayed ...

Half a life to end up right here.

So many different lost experiences would have been here in Godric, he imagined, those made up fantasies might have been beautiful memories

—Hurry up! —He heard Sirius shouting.

— I’m coming! — he ran out the door.

He could make new memories now, beautiful ones? Maybe…just maybe

* * *

At Grimmauld Place Walburga was looking out from the window, from the drawing room on the second floor, with a view of the rode so she could see when Sirius was coming.

Behind her everything was set for the afternoon tea, Nymphadora was sitting, nervously munching on a cookie, they had been waiting for an hour.

Walburga perked up when the carriages was finally close enough and then when it stopped she saw two distinctive figures stepping out of it.

—He is coming — she announced and a maid who had been setting the last details on the table stop pretending to work and ran to the window to look—. Alright, it does not necessarily mean anything, let’s all act normal.

When Sirius got inside, he was pulling an obviously embarrassed Severus by his hand.

Nymphadora squealed and went to them taking their hands.

—You are late — Walburga said, dignified as always —. but I shall forgive the tardiness… come, let’s have tea

**The End**

* * *

Alright, so this is the end of this story.

I did start writting and epilogue, but im honestly not sure if i will ever add it to the story so consider this finished ( in anyway, it did not contain much new informationt, it was mostly an adition for you guys to enjoy a bit more of the couple XD, it would be set a few day before christmass from the maids perspective and maybe it would include some dialogues between Lily and nympahdora, something more of Remus but nothing else...so im updating the information as to 19 chapters in total...if i never put up the epilogue, your not really missing much xD)

Thanks to everyone who read the story, i enjoyed reading the comments and i honestly learned so much from them, it help me stayed grounded and seeing my mistakes on the development of the charcaters c:


	20. Chapter 20: EPILOGUE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was the servants latest hot topic, Padma herself was dying to know but Nymphadora had chosen this as the time to practice discretion
> 
> —…Do you…Do you sometimes feel overwhelm by yours and James relationship? — Lily was a bit shocked at the question and had to take her time to think of her answer.
> 
> —. You can carry some sandbags around while over there, that seemed to impress Mr Evans before — he started joking, but Sirius was set on ignoring him—…Or take some forks with you, they have a Garden…  
> —Oh Shut up — Sirius said trying to hide his embarrassment before finally starting to pester him about getting on the horse, Severus didn’t stop laughing through it all.
> 
> Just a snip of conversations between the characters

* * *

**EPILOGUE**

Padma kept folding and unfolding her scarf, pretending to be busy while keeping her eyes in the exchange on the other side of the three-broomsticks bar table, where Lord Prince was writing something down for Madam Rosmerta.

—I hope it isn’t much trouble — he said extending a piece of paper to her, Padma assumed it contained directions.

—Not at all, least problematic guest this tavern has ever seen — she said smiling —. Although I thought he might pick up some of his luggage himself on Christmas.

Padma almost snorted and lowered her head to hide her smile. It was such a clever way to slide in the question, but if someone knew anything juicy about Mister Rosier it had to be Madame Rosmerta, she was just fishing for confirmation.

— He asked me to get this sorted it out — was the sober answer and Padma wanted to scream. Frustrated and out of ideas on how to keep concealing her snooping, she decided to just give it up and went back out on to the street.

It was more or less implied, that Mr Herbologist was no more, now that the young Lords were together…o at least they thought they were together, they weren’t sure now that Master Severus would not be staying at Grimmauld. It was the servants latest hot topic, Padma herself was dying to know but Nymphadora had chosen this as the time to practice discretion and would not speak about it, she suspected that it had to be after some hard reprimanding from Lady Walburga

Outside of the Three Broomsticks she soon located the other maids, they were quite visible all hunched together near a store´s window.

—Why are you all here? Aren’t we supposed to be roaming around? Enjoy our free day?… — she said walking up to them. The maids shushed her.

—Lord Black is over there — one said, as if it was a secret.

—I would expect so, I prepared Nymphadora this morning, they were both coming to town I think — she said patronizingly—. Why are you hiding anyway, you see him everyday

—He brought Poison

—What?! — she asked frowning.

—She means the horse— another maid, the most sensible one, explained —. That is how Master Severus named it.

—Oh…right — she nodded remembering.

—He is so snarky — another maid said making the others giggle.

They went on discussing how they thought the Lords were going riding, the plan being that if they waited around they might get to see them together.

Since Lord Prince´s return to Godric they hadn’t seen much of him, the nature of his visits going back of what they were months before, when her Ladyship would keep anything related to him private. The last of substance they knew about the whole ordeal was from the day Lord Black showed up with him to tea three weeks ago, the maid preparing the table had been blabbering about it for hours, how they were holding hands, that Nymphadora had congratulated them…it had taken Poppy to slap them with a cloth to stop the gossip.

Padma had been expecting some official announcement after that, but nothing came. The attitude of the older staff was telling though, Winky and Kreacher whispering on the hallways while Poppy had been singing happily to herself the next day, she supposed that had to be good news.

—Here he comes! — She was startled out of her thoughts by one of the maids announcing this.

They all turned around and pretended to be busy with something else leaving her out of sorts, she hurried to find something else to look at.

—Someone has to look — one of them fussed when they realized everybody was facing anywhere but at their target. Padma chuckled at how ridiculous all of this was while they argued over it.

Finally, one of the maids turned looking on the opposite direction.

—Well…— one pressed, waiting to be informed.

—They are talking…Lord Prince is petting the horse

—Of course of course — they nodded along.

—Oh…— There was a chorus of questioning voices at that, demanding an explanation—. He touched his hand, it was brief, but Lord Prince let him

—That is it then

—You think they are engaged again?

—Engaged still you mean?

—We don’t know that

The maids kept whispering nonsense to each other

—What? Why? What does that mean? —Padma asked, confused at their reaction.

—Lord Prince is very private

—He never let Mr Rosier touch him so publicly

— It made him uncomfortable, I saw him flinch once.

They explained this with such superiority that it made Padma laugh, she was about to tell them off when someone called her name.

She stiffly turned around to find Nymphadora standing there, looking them over.

—Yes? — she answered, unsure of how much she had heard.

—I´m going over to Lily´s shop, I thought you might want to come with…to look at the dresses

—Oh! Of course — she said excitedly, remembering they had talked about that.

They had only taken a few steps when Nymphadora hooked her arm around her´s and leaned to whisper conspiratorially.

—They are going to get in trouble — she said almost singing, playfully—. I saw Poppy around the corner….she is going to notice them staring right away

Padma opened her mouth but could not come up with any excuse.

—I’m so sorry — she said instead, ashamed.

—Is alright…I was doing the same — she confessed —. Just by the Weasleys twins’ shop, that is how I saw you were doing it too.

They started giggling.

* * *

Lily looked how Padma kept admiring the fabrics.

—You like scarves?

—I love them

—I got some samples the other day, you can choose some

—O no, there is no need — she started.

—Really, I rather someone wears them, Katie can show you —she insisted smiling. Padma looked at Nymphadora.

—Go on — she encouraged her.

They both saw how the two girls went on to look at the boxes in the back room.

—I thought you wanted to talk to me alone — Lily started.

—Yeah… but I just saved her from Poppy´s rage, Sirius and Severus were talking on the streets and some maids were fussing over them…I think this keeping it under wraps is making it worst, everyone at Grimmauld knows anyway…

—Were they being too obvious? — she asked worried.

—Not to anyone else I suppose…— she pursed her lips, deep in thought —.…It was so out of character of her to agree so easily to him staying with you, maybe she thinks this discreet plan of hers goes better if they are not under the same roof all the time…

Lily looked away at that, avoiding the subject, it wasn’t her place to tell her, that Severus wouldn’t be staying at hers after all, and neither would he be at Grimmauld…

She had been surprised when he consulted it with her and told her that it had been all Walburga´s idea, for both him and Sirius to go to London.

—I actually think is good she is setting these rules — she said instead, thinking she could at least help preparing the ground a little before the news.

—You do?... — she asked surprised —. is so backwards though…after a ten year long engagement

—Precisely because of that I think is important for Walburga to put boundaries, and not only for them but for herself… to keep _herself_ out of it — she explained —. The engagement is the least important part if you think about it, just a piece of paper at this point, I’m no even sure what it entails…But for your aunt… she is very emotionally involved, when there are external factors… you don’t know how much pressure such a thing can put on a relationship, it gives it a certain magnitude that sometimes it can be difficult to manage…

She saw Nymphadora taking this in.

—…Do you…Do you sometimes feel overwhelm by yours and James relationship? — Lily was a bit shocked at the question and had to take her time to think of her answer.

—…I do — she confessed —…I know this might be news to you, and maybe a little difficult to understand…you are younger and…a romantic, and that is alright, is a very beautiful thing…at first, but you also have to be pragmatic for a relationship to last, because those you love are not just ideas in your head, they are people with needs and problems…and… being with James comes with many responsibilities…public ones that I never imagined myself taking

—You mean like dealing with the other families, protocols…that kind of things? — Lily nodded — Yeah…I don’t like those things either — Nymphadora admitted quietly

—I imagined you wouldn’t — Lily smiled softly at her —. It Overwhelms him too at times…he is been carrying his family’s expectations since he was very young and he is so afraid to disappoint, you know?

—Like he must earn the love others just have — Lily gave her a strange look at that, it seemed such a deep observation —…Remus said that about him once — She explained.

Lily considered this for a second and thought about Severus, thinking he and James had that in common.

—….Yes…I guess that is true — she said finally —… And then … you can’t pick and choose just to live through only the nice parts of a relationship and leave them on their own when you don’t feel like it…— she seemed to shake herself out of a fog — So choose someone who is worth it — she said more determine —. And you stick by them

—So you are saying that is not perfect…i…I know that much…I’m not that naïve

—I know — Lily took her hand —. But anyway, Sirius and Severus need to work this on their own, bit by bit…and discreet is good because even when Sirius might think he doesn’t care for a little scandal, he would regret it very soon would they become the topic of the town…is better if it gets subtly picked on, and in a few months no one will bat and eyelash at them, Evan would have been gone long enough

Nymphadora gave her a look that made her think she knew what she was hinting at for a second, but her next words surprised her.

—When you told me Severus was leaving…were you expecting me to go and tell Sirius?

Lily took a deep breath.

—I’m sorry — she said, admitting it that way —. We were planning to tell him…Remus was going to …James told me just a little before that Remus was not coming that day and i…I wanted him to know, to have that chance and to…—she took a long pause —. I guess I wanted to see what he would do

—Did you want Sirius to stop him?

—I thought…whatever he does…is better to know…Severus had already told me how he felt and I thought that… if Sirius showed to feel any less than that… then I would do everything in my power to convince him to go to London.

—But…That is not for you to decide — Nymphadora said upset

—Of course not…— she accepted the reprimanding, lowering her head —. Can’t help but worry though…is my biggest flaw, thinking I know what is best…always having an opinion…Severus tells me so all the time — she laughed at herself —. I’m sorry I put you in the middle

Nymphadora pressed her lips, and seemed to be struggling between still being upset and wanting to move pass it.

—You do know what is best…which does not make it less annoying — she said with an attitude —. Also….I didn’t even realized until Sirius left…we were just talking about how Bellatrix might have been using me to get to Remus and… I think he understood then that you had done the same to him, and decided that he had to take it

—…I’m happy he did …

—You should use some of that ability for me and Remus

—Nymphadora — Lily complained.

—Lily please— she started begging —. You owe me one

* * *

—What if he forgets about me — Severus asked as he kept petting Poison. He turned to look at Sirius when he didn’t answer right away and found him deep in thought —…You are supposed to tell me that is not possible

—I actually don’t know…he might — Severus must had put on a weird face because Sirius started laughing at him —. Is only for two months — he said after a while

—I wish we could take him

—Why? So you can _not_ ride it in London — Severus rolled his eyes at him and Sirius snorted— Come on, lets guide them out of the crowd — Sirius said, taking his own horse´s reins — You should at least ride all the way to the Burrow

—What did you tell Molly — he asked, starting to follow, taking Poison´s reins.

Sirius sighed.

—Mother sent her a note, brief, just asking to take care of our horses for a while, but I know she is going to ask…and I don’t want to lie…

—So…we just tell her we are going to London? — he asked a little troubled, they had discussed to wait until after Christmas to tell their friends about their trip, hoping no to disturb the holidays with the news.

— Maybe it isn’t that big of a deal — Sirius said unsure.

—Well…For me it isn’t, Lily wanted me to go in the first place, and Walburga suggested it this time around…

—Is James — Sirius said defeated —. He is already upset… _Still_ — he corrected —. upset with me

Severus really tried to contain his laughter.

—Can you blame him?… he thought Remus had ran away with a married woman.

—For like an hour… — he defended himself. —. And I really just forgot

—How could you have forgot…he rode to the Lupins to find him chasing away …what was it? Wrackspurts? With Luna Lovegood — he covered his mouth, laughing at remembering how Lily had told him this story.

—She is so strange…— Severus gave him a look at that.

—And in anyway, it doesn’t matter that we are going to London now, he can still invite the Evans whenever he wants…they can come some other time, Lily´s mother shouldn’t be traveling in winter anyway

— I guess…—

—You should just make sure you tell him before the twins rat you out

—Can you come with?

—I do not want to — he refused quickly, already imagining the awkward exchange, it was only slightly amusing after all, considering nothing bad had happened.

—Lily offered to be there — he baited

—Why…? — he asked, his face scrunching at the idea.

—Honestly …I don’t know — Sirius said. They kept walking without talking for a while before Sirius broke the silence again —. Did you know she told James not to bother us?

—With what?

—The fight he and I are having over Remus... and Bellatrix coming here…and he has all the right to be mad about that— Severus was a little taken aback.

—No, she didn’t told me that

—I guess…— he didn’t seem to find the words —. I was just about ready for her to hate me…at least for a little while

Severus laughed at that an wanted to tease but it felt somehow out of place.

—She has always like you — he said, childishly upset at the thought. Lily had liked Sirius even when he didn’t — …

When they reached the edge of the town Severus was expecting Sirius to star pestering him about getting on top of the horse and was surprised when they just stopped and stood there silently.

—What about her parents?

—What about them? — He asked, not following

—Is just…My mother already knows you, and she adores you of course, but then the situation isn’t exactly typical, she knows you since you were a child, I think me and Mr Evans got along fine but that was when I was just someone planting herbs in your house …— Severus looked at him fixedly as Sirius kept rambling.

—What?... ummm — he started a little confused —. Are you worried? — Severus asked, finally a cheeky smiled escaping his face.

Sirius stared at him for a second before answering.

—No…— it came out short and insincere.

—You are — He said amused at the realization. Sirius shrugged and busied himself checking on Poison´s mount —. You can carry some sandbags around while over there, that seemed to impress Mr Evans before — he started joking, but Sirius was set on ignoring him—…Or take some forks with you, they have a Garden…

—Oh Shut up — Sirius said trying to hide his embarrassment before finally starting to pester him about getting on the horse, Severus didn’t stop laughing through it all.

* * *

**FINAL NOTES**

**Some other ideas i considered for the epilogue were:**

  * Sirius reflextions while sitting in a cafe in London, waiting for Severus, Severus would only appear at the and and it would be mentioned that he was dealing with the legal issue with his father.
  * Walburga talking to Eileen´s grave, telling her about their sons
  * And scene six month later when is spring with everyone hanging by the river and Nymphadora has pink hair, it is implied Remus is starting to get interested in her



**Some plot points that i dropped on the way:**

  * That Bellatrix offers to leave her husband and Remus refuses ( this i dropped last minute because it would feel like it was just too much, i didnt spend enought time developing this part of the story to just drop this bomb at the end, so i just left it in that she goes to Godric and if she was or not looking for Remus is not clear



  * That Eileen and Walburga relationship got a bit romantic towards her last days, even thought i alwayst thought of them as being together I wrote them explicity as being mostly platonic and i decided to leave the nature of their relationship to be the readers choice.



  * The Wisteria Tree and the name carvings, now this is an important detail that i planned but then i didnt know where to insert later. The idea was always that even when Severus remembered his and Sirius relationship as children as being mostly conflictive, they still shared many things, this tree in particular has many meanings,love, support, tenderness... and Sirius knows this, i was planning to write an scene were Mr Evans explains these meanings to Severus ( Mr Evans would know of this Because of the time he spent in china on his youth), this would be a realization to Sev and i thought that maybe when he asked Sirius if he knew of this he would play dumb because that is how he is in my story xD.



  * Remus and/or James Knowing abouth Sirius previous feelings for Remus, i didnt want to insert this part in the story at the end, because i felt like it was unnecesary drama, **but Remus knows.**



  * Nymphadora finally liking women, this i only entertained briefly and i feel like is a story for another fanfiction, i considered because Nymphadora is a little obsessed with looks, other girls looks specifically, but it comes more from admiration and some foolishly shallowens of her youth, not romantic interest, i thought about writing her together with Ginny Weasly ( it would had been hinted at the end ot the story) but then that would had defeated the whole point of why Walburga brought her to Grimmauld, someone had to get married, have heir etc...it made it so that i would have to write more drama, because maybe Sirius and Severus wouldnt be able to be together, Walburga would have to look for another heir etc...i know that i can make up whatever i want but xD wanted it to make sense. At the end of this story Nymphadora is still too young, doesnt fully know herself and we dont know who she will be with in the future.



I dont know if this helps to bring closure xD never wrote an epilogue before, mayber is just as opened ending as the last chapter. About the plot points, i regret the Wisteria tree the most, maybe i would like to write a short story about it in the future but i feel like it would be milking this beyond what is suposed to be c:, still i wanted to tell you guy about that, it was a detail that i failed to bring to fruition D:


End file.
